a post for you........  

tattooedartist 44M
459 posts
7/25/2005 9:55 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

a post for you........

I write this to Bella. Your blog today was very powerful, the most honest, forthright and open thing I have ever seen you write. Your last sentence was so powerful, I had too hold my breathe to be able to read it over again.

This is for you.

It is not for me to speak of your path, that is between God and his child. It is for Him to show you the way to freedom and only Him. He is faithful and true.

I too have a little box. I call it my lil Glass Box, for it is fragile and needs to be protected. As I have stated before in my blog I have kept a journal since I was in my teens. I allowed someone to convince me to do away with some of these. They too spoke of freedom, of breaking ties and of new beginnings. Like a fool I listened and believed, I did not trust that God would deliver me from the chains of my misery.

Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all ways aknowledge Him and He will set your paths straight.

Back to my story.....

I listened to this persons Ideas and in my need I heard a truth, many truths actually. He was right in a lot of what he spoke of and like a fool, I didnt see that even if he could speak wisely of some things, didnt mean he knew all things. That he could see all truths, mine or no.

I bagged up all that I had near me at the time (which thak God was not too much) and I headed out to set my fire. TO burn away the chains that bound my heart. I longed for freedom, I longed for strength that I coudl not find. I longed to know the taste of a new day and clear the burdens of my heart. I mistook his meandering for wisdom and in his need to be all knowing he mislead me and broke pieces of me that I will never regain.

During that fire I burned alot of pictures of my art, all that I had in hard copy. I burned some of my art, I burned some journals and many other precious things of my heart and soul. I sat and watched as I placed pieces of my life in a pile and sent them into oblivion. I desperetaly waited for the relaease I was promised and went home with an unsure feeling and a loss that would take many a night to realize.

As time went on I accepted that there was no release to come, instead I accepted a new weight, a new burden. THe new burden came from the fact that like a fool, running out into the pasture of foolishness, I had failed to find my realease.....all I did was give my self a new burden, the burden of betraying myself. The burden of betraying a heart that was mine and a life that God had given me.....broken or no, it was mine and mine alone. As the days turned into weeks and weeks into months, the burden grew until one day it sank in and I realized, a piece of who I am, a piece of my soul was gone forever and this world would never be whole again. For what? Freedom?

There is no freedom in running. You cannto run from your truth or the history that had made you. The heart that breaks is truly a heart that has loved. Not all love is meant to last forever. God gives us the pleasure of knowing some for a moment, some from a distance, some for a time and a few, very few for eternity. We are bound on this earth by the path God has set before us, our lives have already been lived in the cavern of His mind.

If you do this, if you burn pieces of your past....what would losing a part of who you are gain you? Would it be a triumph to ignore what has made you who you are today? What would you replace it with......dreams? Fantasies? Mute feelings with no life, lost in the void of a forgetful heart?

You ARE beautiful dear Bella. I know you have known pain and loss in your life.....loss is a part of life. It is a part of the grand scheme of this beautiful and tragic kingdom in which we exist. But running from any pain, no matter how great or erasing the memory of it will not make it go away. It will simply erase the existence of proof. There are no ways to erase the memories of your heart......if you could...would you really want too? Would you forbid the beauty that makes you such a gem today....if you would what would you replace it with? More flawed people, with frail bodies and limited minds....who have only what time on this earth that has been given them by Our Father. Those whose love would be flawed and maybe never meant to last the distance?

You are strong and vast in your capacity to feel and love. I know this, for it is my cross as well. Carry the burdens you are given with pride and grace. Know that it is those heavy deeds and precious moments that will carry you through to the light inside. Cast it all away and you are still the immeasurable and insatiable creature God made you to be....your life is still yours and I think you will find that your lil Glass box doesnt sit on a high shelf at all, it is this you carry with you every moment of our life. What you would be burning would just be tokens of what cannot be erased.

If you are feeling pressed to break free I applaud you. If you have come to a place where you know the time to move on is near then I say Brava dear one, carry forth after your heart and it will never betray you. You should not be bound to any one truth or moment in your life. You are a fluid piece of the hand of God, breathing with the very life that is Him. Embrass the gifts of your life, both bad and good and cherish each one, even within the sting, for when it is all said and done.......this will be the story of your life.

Nobody but God and God alone can stear your path...not me. not any friend, not some shrink with a power complex.....no matter how strong and wise they may be...they do not know all things. The time for freedom is at hand and breathing new life from within is the right path. With me it took time and friends to hold onto and talk too. It took my commitement to the beauty of my life and the gifts that I had and it took tears. Yet, along my way I found there is no crime in burden. THere is no shame in the tears of my heart. My flaws, my mistakes, the losses and triumphs I have known to this day, make the history of who I am, help support who I want to become and will bring me remembrance in the days as time takes my hand. I cherish each little hiccup, each bump and bruise and bloody tear I shed....I lived my life and loved....what more could I have asked for? Is to live and to have loved......not the greatest gift of all?

I see a strength in you. DO not forsake the life you own......own your life and you will be set free of it. Never forget the baby steps youve made into your destiny or the bumps and bruises you acquired as you learned how to walk your way.

Proverbs 3:5. Its all youll ever need. That and the loving hand of a friend and the support of those who care. Time will carry you on and God will not forsake you. A foolish man I am, flawed and lost sometimes it seems....but I knot this is truth, with every fiber of my being. He will see you through, God will carry his child, to the dawn of a new tomorrow.

May God bless and keep you, as only He can.


GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11240 posts
7/25/2005 10:24 pm

Mz. bella_ is an amazing lady

and your blog is really good

Efilnikufecin69 47M

7/25/2005 11:31 pm

Wow. You really hit the nail on the head. Respect. Bella is a wonderful creature. I believe we would all be honored to be closer to her than we are. Her words touch the soul like no other. She is a fabulous, beautiful and caring being. Sexy, sensual, and yet with an innocense so stark, as if she were a little girl. You feel the need to protect her, to comfort her, to make her feel joy again. Even though she is a perfect stranger, you feel as if you know her, deeply, and intimately. Bella has an effect on us that unleashes amazement, and she locks us in her world with her words. We wait eagerly, for each new story, read every detail carefully and with great eifer. Bella is truely a Goddess on earth. She blesses us all with her presence and brings us closer to her with each sentence written, every letter of every word. Is it possible to love a perfect stranger? I believe it is. It may not be the kind of love that most people think about, but it is a love of her free mind, body, and soul. An intimate love. Thank you for sharing your kind words and thoughts. Take care and stay safe.


taodoug65 51M
262 posts
7/26/2005 12:48 am

Wow.. I am very glad blondeneedsex.. gave you a welcome.. You write very powerfully.. Keep it up.. Your words of encouragement as those above.. She greatly needed.. Keep blogging

pussnboots694 73M/78F

7/26/2005 5:47 pm

This is absolutly beautiful..
Indeed you both have shared your souls here in blogland..
You have both touched many peoples hearts..
and obviously draw on each other for strength..
It is within a warm embrace that I wish you both happiness in everything you do..
You are both amazing people..
and I adore you both..
Warm kisses always

rm_bella_ 47F
4030 posts
7/27/2005 6:00 pm

J...I thank you so much...I am sure you know how these words inspire and lift me up. Your words have always held a special place within me as you are so honest and that is what i crave.

I will tell you that I understand the importance of your fragile box and your journals and for that reason I cannot part with them. This blog for me reinforces all that I knew...but hearing it from you makes it sound so right...because you are right..always.

Stay sweet and honest as you are. It is not just me that hangs off your every word, words so carefully chosen and with so much meaning.

Grazie mille,


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