Trials of my own dichotomy.  

tattooedartist 44M
459 posts
7/18/2005 8:19 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Trials of my own dichotomy.

It is sad that some do not see. That some do not know or share the beauty I see and feel so keenly.

I speak of tragedy, of love and loss. I utter words like passion, lust and need from a place deep within my heart. I speak of God, my Father. Is he not for us all? I do so on a sex site and some call me a hypocrite. I speak of living as a servant to my father, as a man, a very flawed man and some call me a fool. Is God not the Father of love, the Father of beauty? Does not passion stem from his hands?

How anyone could read my words and miss the mrk of my faith is frightening and sad. My Father knows my heart and the deep desire of my heart, better than I.

Yes, I speak of tragedy, of loss and regret. I speak of darkness and my exodus. In these pages I speak of many, many things but all, every last word comes from my servants heart. How some can read my words and not understand that there is no parody, there is no juxtaposition between the darkness and the light. They are one, even in their seperation. Without seeing the grand archaic beauty and grandeur of the light, we would never know the serenity and deft hand of our own darkness. Without one, there would be no need for the other.

I am a flawed man, very much so. My strength lies in my weakness and my weakness lies in my strength. It is the dichotomy of mine own that exudes my fall and the pain that dwells within. I have seen the light, felt the hand of God and now I cannot look anywhere without seeing his signature. Even in my own doom, my own mortality I hear the scream of my Maker and know the unquenchable love He bares me. The fact that he accepts this pitiful wretch as his Child goes only to show the length and grandness of his Grace and patience.

Proverbs 3:5

"Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

I live by these words with my every breathe. They are engraved on a ring I wear on my ring finger. My Vow of devotion to my one and undying love, my Father confessor.

Open your eyes to the world around you. Shut out the putter of this modern decay and realize the history which makes us all what we are. See the beauty that everyday we overlook and take for granted. Close your eyes and feel the immenant connection to God all around us. His signature lies everywhere you look.

David was a wretch, a beautiful, wonderful, lustful and greedy wretch who bound himself in the lusts of his heart. He was guilty of every sin known to man....envy, jelousy, greed, sloth, murder etc, etc. Yet he wrote all of Psalms and much more.......... in all the bible, in all of the written word he is the only man God ever called "A man after God's own heart."

What does this mean to you? How does this fit into the sanctity of your own agenda?

Judge me not poor spirit, for I confess I am a weak and weary fool. Do not shun your eyes on me for the greed of my own destruction. Ive paid my price for my insolence, I carry my cross day in and day out. I live by grace and humility, by grace each moment. Few alive have known such loss and lived with the tears of tyrrany and pain as I. I do not ask for your understand, even your approval I would not reach for but I will take my feet of justice and the serenity of my own voice. It was my Father who gave it to me and it will be He and He alone who will take it away.

Open your eyes, erase all youve ever known and begin to see. Today is the first day of your life.

TO each his own.



7/19/2005 6:37 am

"Amen" Walk towards your future, not away from it.


pussinboots4u 50M/47F

7/19/2005 11:44 am

Religion in the right mind is a beautiful thing. I myself have faith in god, but I understand how religion - not the religion, but followers of religion - can bring pain to other people. I would imagine that on this site there are many people who have had religion used against them - I hope they realize that it was not the religion or god, but rather the work of erring men/women.

It gives me a good feeling to see you incorporate your faith into your writting, there is something soothing about it. I know we are not of the same religion - to which I won't say what I am, but still, there is something about a person having faith and holding to it that is soothing.

As you say - to each his own, I think that is what we all live by on this site.

xxblackknightxx 46M

7/19/2005 2:44 pm

Christ still lives...and forgives. He came to lift the poor in spirit...I say keep bogging, my brother.

rm_bella_ 47F
4030 posts
7/19/2005 7:45 pm

I believe and I have faith...

tattooedartist 44M

7/20/2005 7:02 am

This post and your responses have been the most meaningful to date. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.


sexyeyes375 47F

7/21/2005 8:59 pm

I am drawn to your words again today.. You faith is inspiring to me. Your heart must be full, even in times of darkness or saddness.. as I have read in your blog ~ and this post explains why... I will revisit this post because it reminds me I am not alone no matter how dark it is and that I do find strength in that (I thought I was a bit off by that....) thank you for a powerful post..

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