Married she said....  

tattooedartist 44M
459 posts
8/11/2005 11:32 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Married she said....

What a beautiful little event it is, getting together with an entire family. It is this time of year that "The Clan" gets together for our annual (sorta) shing-dig of the masses. Food is prepared for weeks in advance, a large outdoor court at one of my more well to-do family members homes is all prepared and the "Gathering" as my Georia relatives call it gets underway. It is always a drama, this event. One that I do nto particularly care for but as I was told, I arrive with smile in check. It is only the last six years or so my immediate family members had attended this event. Those of you who have read my blogs know that my family was somewhat torn apart and it wasnt too long ago that things were somewhat mended. My mother has always attended them, even when she did so in shame. She had faced some real persocution from certain others. My mother, being the kind soul she is, has always taken this in silence and never, not once ever lashed out in anger or hurt. Well, lets just say I am not my mother.

This year there is a big event and all of the Southern family had decided to come north, to the yankeeville. My twin cousins (girls) are both getting married this the Southern branch of our family is all on ends about making it the wedding of a lifetime and came north to share the wealth and quite frankly, search for some financial support. They have planned on doing it in the same wedding (which I found odd) and expensive for their will be over 700 guests. A bit much I woudl say but I am sure it will be beautiful.

I was having a conversation with a few of my older cousins, some of the younger cousins and a few of my Aunts when I was asked the dreaded question......"When are you going to get married?" I smiled from ear to ear and tried with all of my strength to not tell them to mind their own damn business, when one of my aunts chimed in and said....."Gay men dont get they?"I sat in utter shock.....almost numb. Everyone got real quiet and as my cousins stirred in their seats and stared at the cobbles below I responded. "Well, first off....I am not gay. Secondly, I have not met a girl that can either understand me or tolerate me and I am not sure if I have the patience to tolerate anyone else. I have a beautiful daughter who consumes my every waking moment, a beautiful home, a wonderful career and lots of things to bid my time. Why would I want to go and complicate all of it by adding another to the picture? I mean, does everyone have to get married?"

My bold Aunt, the one with the big mouth came right back at me with "Most normal people get married before having children." At this point I saw it was a dual she was interested in, she was looking for me to submit to her demands, to her authority. Which everyone that knows me knows I would NEVER do. So I replied....

"Normal? Well, I will have you know that my daughter and my relationship is perfectly normal, actually it is beautiful and fulfilling. As for marriage, if I am too take my cue from most of you (pointing to my big mouth aunt) marraige woudl just be a piece of paper that would ensure my retirement, not a union of my soul and life with another. It would only to be too add to my penny bank rather than enrich and complete my life. And if I am to follow the lead of most of those ahead of me, it woudl simply mean sleeping in the same bed (most of the time) and having sex with as many people as I coudl behind their backs. It wouldnt be worth the paper the marraige license is written on and would actually be a mock to both my character and to all I stand for. So if that is what it takes for me to be "Normal", than I will have to regretfully decline."

I looked around the little gazebo at everyone around me,. sitting their with thier mouths open and smiles upon thier shock and maybe a little awe. Nobody had ever put this particular aunt in her place and the fact that I had FINALLY gotten the balls to do so had left us all (me inculded) in shock. My favorite Aunt (sitting next to big mouth) held up her little plastic cup as she smiled and simply said "Bravo darling, well said!!" At this I stood up and nodded and quickly turned and walked away, before I did something to ruin my victory.

Later I was sitting up on the deck talking with my mother when my favorite Aunt came up and sat down. She sat there and listened to mother and I for a few minutes go on about our banter. Once we had finished mom reached over and took her hand, they sat there both on the white swing and held hands and it was then I realized their beauty. It was then that I realized how close they really were. My Aunt looked at me (her name is Betty Davis by the way and yes, she has blue eyes) and said "You really have turned out to be a fine man J. I was worried about you most of all but you are the one who ended up with Daddy's strength (referring to my grandfather). I smiled at her and at mother, I walked over and kissed them both on the cheek and beofre I realized it, I was crying. No sobbs, just tears running down my face as I smiled gratefully and squatted before them on the deck. I thanked her and told them that I loved them both and then we all began to laugh as my aunt replayed to mother the earlier conversation with my big mouth Aunt (Cindy). My mother laughed and smiled at me. We all laughed. I scooped up Bella from playing with all of the other kids (which she was not happy about) and we said our goodbyes. I wanted to leave and remember this perfection, just as it is.

As I drove off I was reminded of something although I cannot for the life of me figure out what it is. Something remembered, something familiar. It was the first time I really felt like I had been understood and appreciated. Nothing special to the masses but quite the triumph for me and my feelings. All in one day I accpted their stupidity as just that....stupid and I proclaimed not only my right to live the way I choose but that it was quite frankly, none of their damn business and it was that simple. And the real miracle, they understood.

It was a great day and for the first time in my life, I cant wait until the wedding and next years "gathering", which will be in Savannah. Maybe I'll take one of my gay friends.



Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

8/11/2005 12:43 pm

Excellent post!

I have a nosey aunt I need to put in her place, seems every family has one.

This is one of the best posts ever!

bella_ 47F
4030 posts
8/12/2005 5:57 pm

I have to say I have been asked the same question by many family members distant and far. I will also say that I will use your courage and example as my words when the time is right. Judgement is so simple. Walk a mile in my shoes is truth.

redmartinigirl 43F

8/14/2005 8:28 pm

I stand up and applaud your courage and your wisdom to not own Other People's beliefs as your own. Bravo!!

(Princess Lips)

8/17/2005 11:36 pm

Be your own man!


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