Let us begin with the End.....  

tattooedartist 44M
459 posts
6/27/2005 7:14 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Let us begin with the End.....

If I ever wrote this letter to you....what could I say? Would the pains of my heart and the nights upon nights Ive spent crying in need for you, justify? Could the heart that holds you in such high grace convince you to return to me, set what has been so broken right again? Is there a way to erase all we have lost and forgive our spilled tears?

I write this to you in desperation. Its been ten years and still my world is full of your face. In every womans eyes I see your glimmer. In everything beautiful I see your face and the touch that only your soul remains. Ive seen you six times over the past ten years, the few times weve met for dinner. The times we went to the lake to swim. The days we spent crying over jacob on his birthday. The last time you didnt even know I was there. I was walking through the mall this last christmas trying to find that special gift for someone I love, as you have taught me I must always do and there you were. Walking along the aisle with a man as you pushed your child along in a cart. Instantly all the breathe was pushed out of my body and I was lost. I stood there and before I realized it, I had dropped what I was holding on the floor and some woman was standing there looking at me, asking me if I was okay. I didnt follow you, I just stood there for a few minutes and then went to the front of the stoor and sat down. Lost, broken, blunted by my muted tongue as the waves of pain and loneliness washed over my soul. It was one of the few times in my life I was truly speechless, there were no words and even if we had spoken, all I could have done was cry. It was strange though, I was so proud of you as I sat there. A mother once and for all time and from what I could tell you are married now. He looks like he would be a nice man, much taller than I am but strong and he has gentle eyes. The way he followed beside you made him look as if he was admiring you as much as I was. I am sure that he was. I stayed up at the front and watched as you went through the check out and could see your bright smile and the gentleness that always was your stigmata. Then as I sat stunned and aching as you all walked out the door of my life and on to the life that should most certainly not contain me anymore. I knew right then and there that whats done is done and what once was, will never be again. It was as if God had reached down and shown me the hardest truth and did so in such a way that I would understand clearly. I love you so much I would never hurt you, those you love or EVER do anything to take away from your life. You have a family now and even in my most selfish of moments, when my need goes beyond my strength...... I would never overstep that boundary. I love you too much for that. Even if you would be willing to throw it all away it was clear to me, that if I truly loved you...I must walk away and never return again.

So this letter I am writing, I write to you out of a love that is so much more than I will ever understand. So much more than I am capable of wrapping my soul around. It is my ode to you, to the lifetime I will spend loving you and the life I would never steal from you, no matter how much I wish with every ounce of my being, that I would, that I could.

I stand in Honor and in Love........and I walk away. Only to see you now, in my dreams.

My heart has broken but my only saving grace is knowing that this is my gift to you, because I love you more than my own life or my own desires. That my last act of love for you will be to let you go, even if I never truly can.

Goodbye to you my "Immortal Beloved", I will carry you with me......always.

"your loving prince in darkness"

Ana_6973 43F

6/27/2005 3:41 pm

Your words are so beautiful. I feel an ache in my heart when I read them. She is a lucky woman to have your devotion.

~~"I can scream as loud as your last one, but I can't claim innocence."~~


6/27/2005 6:17 pm

As I wipe away the tears , just wanted you to know this time you do not cry alone.

Big Huggs

bella_ 47F
4030 posts
6/27/2005 7:36 pm

To love it to sacrifice your hearts desires....to sacrifice is to love another. The love we have for a selected few never dies but rather grows in absence. These feelings are there for us to remember as everyone we meet takes a piece of our heart with them. She must have been a lucky girl.

patsam69 51M/51F

6/27/2005 7:37 pm

absolutely beautiful.

pussnboots694 73M/78F

6/27/2005 8:56 pm

As I read this I am speechless..
It is like you are telling my story.
Were you there as I watched him walk away with his arm around the new love of his life, holding their new baby in his other arm..
god this is touching way to close...
I am sorry I can not breathe...

tattooedartist 44M

6/28/2005 1:46 am

To each and every last one of you, so special to me....

It is my hope I can have the strength to tell the story and give it justice and that others will see and clearly understand. Your words bring me hope and the will to continue on........I needed them. Thank you from the bottom of my deep well.


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