I want, I want, I want......  

tattooedartist 44M
459 posts
8/1/2005 7:12 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

I want, I want, I want......

I wonder if when she is grown, if she will understand her father? I wonder what it is she will see when she looks at me? I wonder if I will leave her with burdens too great for her to carry or if the choices of my life will set her free?

I wonder how the choices I have made and the mistakes Ive not only made but will make will mold her and effect her life? I wonder is she will be able to look beyond all the chaos and madness of her papa and see the beautiful man beneath?

Mostly, I wonder if I have the strength to be the man she needs me to be. The man God asks me to be. For if I manage those two things in my life, nothing else will matter.

As she grows she will already grow with such disadvatage. With things I did not want for her life. She will grow to find out how flawed and mistaken her loving papa has been. To see the scoundrel that lives behind the hand of love. So much I want for her. So much I want to inspire in her, quench in her and so much life I want to breathe into her. My precious little gift.

She is my life now. There is nothing I do, I dont do for her. I would peel the skin from my flesh to save her an ounce of pain. I want a strong man to love her, I want her to grow without the burdens and meandering of the modern world we live in. I want her to see the beauty of the history that has made her life what it is, even in its regrets and flaws. I want her to be a strong woman, to stand tall and on her own two feet. I want her to love andn be loved, to embrass the heartaches of life with all the courage that she embrasses its beauty's.

I want to sit one day and watch a man take her hand that will love and guide her, protect her. That will take over for me, where I must end as she begins what will be Gods plan for her life. I want her to see God through me and in me, even in my flaws.

Do I want too much? So much I want for her. I ache for the things of her life. I ache for the gift that she is for me. Her smile is the single most beautiful thing I have ever known.

Her father is a very flawed man. As she grows she will have to face the mistakes Ive made and the man my choices have guided me to become. I hope she can see beyond them and love me anyway as much as I love her. I hope I can be the man she is going to need me to be.

Mostly, beyond all my wants. I want to discover what she wants. I want to discover what God wants of me.

It is just that I suffer. Yet, I know I am forgiven. I will ache, until the day comes that my little one can look in my eyes and tell me she forgives me. I will ache until the day I kneel before God, my Father and know that He forgives me.

Have you ever known Gods forgiveness? Do you know who God is in your life? Do you know who Christ was and is? The promises and gifts He gave for us and to us?

I do hope so. If you think me foolish to speak of God here, I am sorry. He is with me, everywhere I go. I do not speak of Him to hurt anyone or to preach. There is a promise of freedom within, a freedom that if you do not know....I hope and pray that one day you do.

I share the gifts of my life with you, as I can. I tell you of the secrets of my heart and hope you understand and will love me anyway, even if you dont.

I want for you, allof you. I hope for you and I pray for you. So much beauty here, that lies within you. You are a blessing that I hope i am worthy of.

Thank you for being you, even if you dont totally accept or understand.

J


pussnboots694 73M/78F

8/2/2005 11:48 am

Your little one will grow strong and true..
Just as you have..
She will see the love
that florishes within you..
Your greatest strength will be to let her go..
To let her become the woman she is ment to be..
She will face love, and pain..
She will laugh, and cry..
She will love you, and break your heart.. as all love does.. as she becomes independant..
and oh how she will change..
Blooming into a rare beauty..
She will know all that you have done for her
and understand why..
Indeed one the greatest teachers she has is you..
You live on inside of her..
As she lives on..
inside of you..

I understand your wants, your needs..
Our precious little ones..
Oh how they touch us..
The love they bring forward in us..
Is by far the most powerful..
There is not a thing we would not do for our children
I would love to be there to see you as a proud grand papa
Kisses dear one..


Barbiebunny69 43F

8/4/2005 9:17 pm

mmm I indeed do understand.


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