A murderous Catholic boy.  

tattooedartist 44M
459 posts
6/25/2005 12:38 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

A murderous Catholic boy.

What is it that you believe?

I had the privelage and blessing to be raised Catholic, a not-so good catholic boy, going to catholic school and serving as an alter boy five days a week and yes, I managed to make it through my entire education without being molested by a priest. lol Actually the priests I served under were good men, some naive, some not so naive but all were men who had real hearts and knew the struggles that rose and fell within a man.

Early on, it was these men who taught me and guided me. As my childhood lacked among many things....guidance. I was a devout follower of my God. I loved the rich smell of the candles burning in the church. The warm and deep hues of the drapes and marble of our cathedral. The sound of the organs and pianos as they played their faithful hymns. The tradition, history and the connection and stablility it brought into my mind and life. I loved the predictability of my father confessor and the rich beauty the church and my beleifs added to my life. The church became my home. My God became my father and this world became my secret, my secret obsession.

I am older now, much. The years have passed and I have been down many winding roads both good and bad. Ive made almost every mistake an honorable man could make and a few that were not so honorable. Ive realized deep loss and experienced unending beauty. Yet, through all the ups and down, beautilful moments and saddened tragedy's of my catoclismic life, Ive always remained close to my father confessor. My light, my guide, my neverending shadow and companion.

Over the years, even in my darkest days I would still find refuge in a Church here and there. Ive visited Catholic and non catholic churches all over the world. You could say, it is a festish but it wouldnt be completely accurate. It would be easier said that it is my solitude, my serenity.

I go to confession all the time. I attend church all the time. I spend hours sitting within those soothing walls, dropped down on my knees in my silent obsession. Bleeding my unspoken heart and my heart felt desires to my maker, my God. Listening with joyful ears and a open heart for the comfort, for the love and for the strength only He can give. Now you must understand I never attend church when anyone is there. I go when it is the dark hours, when its just He and I. I never open my mouth and confess to any mortal man, as I do not see the point. It would seem that other than my midnight trips to my father confessor, the only other souls I truly open up too.......would be you. IN these pages I spill my heart. I tell all of my secrets and my longings. I open up to you and spill my soul onto these whistful pages and send them off into oblivion......into blogland.

I do hope that you enjoy them as I do. I hope they add to your life and in them, you find some sense of yourself or of inspiration. I thank you for the blessing you have become to me and for the gifts of your open ended acceptance.

I cherish you, each and every last one of you.



Ana_6973 43F

6/25/2005 1:36 pm

While I am not a religious person, I also grew up Catholic. There is something soothing in going to Mass on Sunday or just sitting in a pew in an empty church. The building is a sanctuary. I adore being in them. I have happy memories of Sundays as a child. I suspect this is my reason for loving the trappings of Catholicism, despite not being so fond of the religion itself. The church I went to as a child is no longer used for Mass unless it is a special occaision. It is an old church for the US and the midwest. It is over 100 years old. It is out in the country. Surrounded by its cemetary. My family is buried there. It has never been updated. There is no electricity inside. No indoor plumbing. It is beautiful.

~~"I can scream as loud as your last one, but I can't claim innocence."~~

keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
6/25/2005 7:13 pm

I have the Catholic experience under my belt and have done the alter boy thing as well. This essay was thoughtful and well written. In fact, it is so good that now I have to go and read more of your stuff. Jeesh, so many good writers....so little time.

PS: asianlady4love sent me here. Thank her for getting you another fan.

Blog On!

pussnboots694 73M/78F

6/26/2005 4:40 pm

Unconditional love... the greatest gift...
What more can we ask for..
We are all Gods children

bella_ 47F
4030 posts
7/14/2005 7:06 pm

I am catholic also and although I am not a regular church goer my beliefs are imbedded in me...sometimes they are the only things we have, I have...the catholic church makes it easy for me in a sense.

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