What happened? Am I so Bad?  

taodoug65 51M
301 posts
6/24/2005 2:16 pm

Last Read:
10/15/2013 1:03 am

What happened? Am I so Bad?

It was too soon. I was not ready. When once again sorrow was knocking at my door. What happened, am I so bad. Why does he force me to be strong?
We were together just the other day. Laughing and fishing making time go our way. Then you got real sick. I drove as fast as I could to get you to the hospital. You told me to be strong. That you would be okay. What happened? am I so bad that he took you anyway?
I know if you were with me you would hold my face with your little hands, look up in my eye’s, grin, and say “Douglas, our time together was not short. I know you want for more. You are like a big kid, holding my hand never letting go. Saying I need you more.”
The days that we shared were rapture divine. For a time we spent together. She let me be whom ever I chose.
It is not fair that this disease would take her life, and take her away from me. What happened? Why does my life have to be so sad?
I have been without her for only a couple days. I feel empty, my heart is blue. I no longer care to believe the possibilities that fairy tales ever really come true.
I sit here by the lake remembering that our last day, understanding that she is gone, I can’t stop this crying my life's come undone
These memories I shall keep, one day I too will go to sleep ... you will be there. Once again we will have our memories to share.
What happened, am I so bad. Why does he force me to be strong? Why it was too soon for sorrow to knock at my door.

keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
6/24/2005 4:20 pm

There are no answers to these questions that I know how to give.
Blog On!

Puurple_Passions 46M/39F
140 posts
6/24/2005 5:09 pm

What a beautifuly written heartfelt post. I'm so sorry for your loss. (After catching up on your last few posts and finding out what happened) I know it's hard to keep your chin up during times like this. But there are some really great folks here that are so wonderful at lending their ear and support. I'm glad that you're here... and I'm glad that your blogging. Even if it helps a little bit to get things off you chest. Hang in there!
~Passions~(The F of the C)

rm_GenuineTaste 51F
261 posts
6/24/2005 8:36 pm

Darling Dear. Your memories of good times shall linger on. Grieving is a normal process. She shared her heart with you, she made your heart smile. I'm sure she would want you to have some PEACE&JOY in your life. When you think of her, think on the positive side. DON'T never think it's your fault. Life sometimes throws us unexspected curve balls. You must find a way to find some peace along the rest of your journey through life. Your not being forced to be stong you are strong. For your human enough to share. Feelings are natural. It'll be hard to get back in balance. Have FAITH, I'm confident you can do it.

Live&Let Live...Live&Learn

sexyeyes375 47F

6/24/2005 10:56 pm

i wish i could hold you...let you rest for a while. Just listen to you until your story was done....your tears dry...and you didn't feel quite so alone anymore...

taodoug65 51M
262 posts
6/25/2005 7:38 am

Thank you for your words.

rm_wishful1966 50F

6/25/2005 6:28 pm

Give it time and never give up the memories---those are very special. hopefully you will find someone along the way who can be there-not replace-but be there for you. I often go off to the lake to sit and think and remember--it really helps. Hang in there!

taodoug65 51M
262 posts
7/3/2005 12:07 am

wishful1966 - thank you.. But I have to be honest with you I go to the lake because it allows me to run away from the real world. I dont take my cell phone there or anything. Just the dogs and I. But right now it is not to remember. It is to get over the anger.

sexyeyes - If a day ever came for one person to do for me what you wished you could do. I would be more sorry for them after all was said and done..Because they would need anti depressants.

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