A Spy in the House of Love-Anais Nin  

tampafem 44F
1941 posts
5/28/2006 9:10 am

Last Read:
6/1/2006 3:47 pm

A Spy in the House of Love-Anais Nin

I just finished reading this book this morning. It isn't one I thought I would like but near the end of the book loved it. As I read it, it reminded me of my AdultFriendFinder friends. If you have a chance to pick up a copy of this book do so and you shall see what I mean (It's about 160 pages so no heavy reading).

It made me realize that all of us are wanderers...trying to find our own Houses of Love. I think the reason we don't find them is because we often close doors to possiblities out of fear. Even closing the door on things we REALLY want. I am learning these last few months to open doors and to leave them open. It's a hard lesson. But I'm finding that in the end it is worth it. I'm starting to feel like a flower that is blooming. The more doors I open, the more sunlight gets in, the more I grow and flourish.

I notice myself using the word "love" more often to describe how I feel about the people and things around me. Becoming comfortable with that word has been another struggle for me because it was a word I've long associated with pain both physical and emotional for a long time. To me love means hurt. That eventually that person will abandon you so it was easy to close myself in this bubble. But lately I look at the people around me that have said or shown in some way that they love me and I realize that they do. They do because they are still here with me and I let myself become more of who I am with them and let myself feel free to figure out what it is I want in life. I am amazed that people could feel this way about me....it literally makes me tremble to think about it. Partly because of happiness and partly because of the fear of it being taken away.

Friday night I had a wonderful experience with a friend of mine that I've known for a little over a year. It was kind of unexpected. I actually had to coax him a bit and I let him know that nothing between us would change. We'd still be just friends except "HOT DAMN NOW THERE'S BENEFITS!" lol It was more than I expected it to be. Talking, snuggling, laughing, it wasn't rushed. Dozing a bit together. I think a part of me is still reeling from it. Will it ever happen again? I'd like to think so. If it doesn't though I do have a wonderful memory. I am happy about the fact it wasn't a complete stranger. I did that once and it just left me feeling cold and empty. FWB's or LTR's are the only types of situations I can be comfortable in.

NoLongerHere 55M

5/28/2006 2:37 pm

Wherever this journey goes, we have both learned so much. I love you. This is a beautiful post *soft kiss*

JuicyBBW1001 54F

5/28/2006 6:59 pm

I prefer the FWB or LTR over a roll in the hay anyday besides hay and my hair have an ongoing battle. lol


alamo1235 58M
995 posts
5/29/2006 4:41 pm

I hope it does continue for you.

Good luck.

JuicyBBW1001 54F

5/30/2006 3:46 am

Well let's see I went to a party Saturday night after work, slept most of the day Sunday and worked yesterday. I would say it was like any other weekend except for the party part.


gent4u813 61M

6/1/2006 8:49 am

What a lovely post! I hope that the feelings grow and continue. FWB and LTR's are the only times that I close enough to someone to share the most intimate times. Love is fantastic when it is not limiting and possessive. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us.


Become a member to create a blog