happy birthday?  

swordman68123 34M
2 posts
3/8/2006 8:51 am

Last Read:
6/22/2006 9:09 am

happy birthday?

Happy? birthday to me........ another year another sentance to solitude. I could be out on the road fixing my negative balance with my company but no, this day is SO important i had to take 4 days off when my buisness expenses exceeded my income so now i get to ponder the meaning of life alone as i have no money or gas. At least if things get better with age i think I'm approaching magnificent. I'm so bored I can't even get drunk, half a beer and the rest is warm so i toss it and try to find something else to do. Have i had it wrong all theese years? Is my idealaistic view of money as something barely more than useful just as wrong as i have claimed mankind's dependency and insatiable greed for it is? I used to be able to go out and find something to do on 5 bucks in a gas tank, am i no longer so easily amused? or am i just no longer willing to put forth the effort required to find a good time without much money? I just can't bring myself to focus on anything at home since i started driving last summer, the road calls to me, my dearest and most true friend in the world that is the only thing that can relax and satisfy me. All the years i spent wandering through life trying to find my place and it turns out that place is wandering in and of itself? Then why have I still not found myself on the road even though it has brought me closer than ever before? Is it just a matter of a little more time? What will happen to me if I ever stop driving? If I can't find some way to entertain myself for 1-2 days in the same locale, what does the rest of my life hold? Will I ever settle down again? When i have enough money saved up to make a nice place for myself will I ever stay there? Or will i just go back to wandering on my own, without the truck and a destination, is that what I really crave? Is wandering the country with a purpose still too much structure for me? Maybe i just need to go buy that harley once i have a few thousand saved up and throw off the shackles of destination all together? Or is it that the country is no longer big enough for me? Do i need to find something that sends me around the world? Then what? Exploring the seas? Build my own shuttle? There's no way nasa would ever send my fat ass up in one of theirs, but when that is the only place left for me to explore, will I finally give up? Will I find contentment on earth? there must be a place for me here someplace, why can't I find it? I thought i had for a while, but it's starting to slip away just as all else does in my mind. I guess i could try 1 more time to go look for something to do. Maybe this rainy day is just discouraging me. perhaps all i need is a little sunshine and a fishing pole.

sassybelle21 32F
13313 posts
3/8/2006 10:39 am

Happy birthday

swordman68123 34M
1 post
3/8/2006 1:24 pm

thx, I suppose some good has to come out of it eventually, even if my plans now falling apart, planned a party a month ago to get friends together since i don't see much of them anymore and some old ones just moved back to town, but everybody ended up working still

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