The KING of A**HOLES  

swooness 34F
879 posts
7/18/2006 8:54 am

Last Read:
8/13/2006 11:29 am

The KING of A**HOLES

WARNING: The content you are about to read may contain some graphic descriptions and offensive language that a typical Swooness’ reader is not accustomed to. Read at your own risk.

Ok…a moment to digress. When reading my profile, where does it say that I am looking for retarded inbreds whose brain matches the size of their squashed-up, fungus-loaded pinkie toe? Huh, cause although I can’t find that exact description, somehow that’s what some bottom-feeding AdultFriendFinder members seems to think, though if they were actually thinking, their rarely-used brain (used when eating, dressing, and sleeping….oh and when emailing me!) would probably go into some kind of freakish, grotesque spasm from being overloaded. Again, I have gotten my fair share of crappy emails whose senders deserve to be to shot in the crotch, but this one takes the cake! Hell, he even takes the whole damn bakery!

“Tell me what your thang smells like.”

Oh, no - do not rub yours eyes or shake your head in hopes that you have read it wrong. In fact, read it again, but slower:

TELL ME WHAT YOUR THANG SMELLS LIKE.

Can I tell my gut reaction?
What a FUCKING MORON! What a piece of SHIT whose MINISCULE, UNEQUIPPED, GONORRHEA-INFESTED dick doesn’t deserve to be shot because that would be too good for this REPULSIVE, incredibly LOATHSOME SLEAZEBALL. Instead, cut off his reproductive organs with a rusty serrated knife whose blades have gone dull. After separating the brain from the reprehensible idiot, stuff - oh, yes, I said STUFF the tiny penis with SCREWS: hex cap screws, socket cap screws, Wood screws, Lag screws, Machine screws, Thread rolling screws, Self-drilling screws, and some Self-tapping screws. Now, don’t ask me if I know the difference between any of these cause I don’t nor do I really care, but what I do know is that when all of those are stuffed inside, his tiny, little wee-wee will not be so little or so smooth anymore. Actually, he should be very pleased since this is probably the first time its made it past 3 inches and thicker than 1. So, after stuffing it with an assortment of lovely metal screws with sharp tips ‒ oh, did I mention he would be very awake and coherent during all of this? Wouldn’t want him to miss out on a defining moment in his life, just like how I felt when I read his endearing love letter. Anyways, back to being dismembered and stuffed ‒ that takes us to the next step. After maneuvering the IMBECILE onto his stomach and surrounding him with mirrors so he won’t miss a thing, can you guess what we will do next? EXACTLY! SHOVE THE PENIS WITH SHARP SCREWS PORTRUDING OUT INSIDE HIS TIGHT ASSHOLE! LET HIS SCREAMS FILL THE ROOM AND TEARS FALL TO THE GROUND AS HIS HOLE STRETCHES AND BLEEDS FROM THE METAL SCREW-FILLED SACK. THEN, QUICKLY PULL IT BACK OUT, PLACE IT NEAR HIS NOSE, AND LET HIM TELL US HOW HIS THANG SMELLS!

**ok…breathe…gummybears….lillies….baklava….fairies…. I know. Its AdultFriendFinder ‒ what can you expect? Picture says, "Kitty thinks you are an asshole." Will hopefully be back to my happy self tomorrow. **


rm_smosmof2 67M
3240 posts
7/18/2006 11:06 am

"did I mention he would be very awake and coherent during all of this?"

What's going to happen to him between now and the point where you get that far in the procedure that suddenly he's going to become coherent?


Think_Deep_Thots 37M
32 posts
7/18/2006 11:07 am

Don't hold back, Swooness. Tell us how you REALLY feel!


gnr8nrg 45M

7/18/2006 11:07 am

I don't think he'd feel his tiny pecker when inserted. Even filled to the rim. Good luck Swooness.


DCEbony
1586 posts
7/18/2006 11:35 am

Lord thundering Jesus.

And here I was thinking that I'd read it all.

Once you're done with this guy, I strongly suggest dousing him in a vat lemon juice.

That way his "thang" will smell lemony fresh.


greendragon65 51M
396 posts
7/18/2006 12:47 pm

I am very impressed by your knowledge of screws, but then again, nothing should be surprising when it comes to your knowledge about non-girlie things. Though, I feel it hard to believe his meager 3 inch would be enough to stuff his butt with, unless you cut it off and put it on a stick.


gjg1965 51M

7/18/2006 1:50 pm

WOW Sounds like you in love,just kidding.I could say a lot of things but your too special swooness.I blocked out your skirt pic it got me too horny um. xo George


rm_Bonerazor 37M

7/18/2006 3:20 pm

Swooness, you're the Bubba Gump of screws. Tell him it smells like napalm because that's what you'll coat him in after you've stitched his twig n' berries and perhaps a fungus loaded pinkie toe up in his "thang".


swooness 34F

7/18/2006 3:50 pm

    Quoting rm_smosmof2:
    "did I mention he would be very awake and coherent during all of this?"

    What's going to happen to him between now and the point where you get that far in the procedure that suddenly he's going to become coherent?
ok...maybe not coherent because i guess it could be somewhat shocking for him to watch his manhood being whacked off with a dull knife (pussy!)...as long as he is awake, i'm cool


swooness 34F

7/18/2006 3:53 pm

    Quoting Think_Deep_Thots:
    Don't hold back, Swooness. Tell us how you REALLY feel!
well...i believe that when one puts that much thought and consideration into an email to me, it is only expected and polite of me to reply back in the same manner


swooness 34F

7/18/2006 3:54 pm

    Quoting gnr8nrg:
    I don't think he'd feel his tiny pecker when inserted. Even filled to the rim. Good luck Swooness.
damn!...stretch it more! good idea....what can we use this time?...hmmmmmm is it bad that i like this question?


swooness 34F

7/18/2006 3:55 pm

    Quoting DCEbony:
    Lord thundering Jesus.

    And here I was thinking that I'd read it all.

    Once you're done with this guy, I strongly suggest dousing him in a vat lemon juice.

    That way his "thang" will smell lemony fresh.
That way his "thang" will smell lemony fresh.

EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE YOUR THINKING :d


swooness 34F

7/18/2006 3:58 pm

    Quoting greendragon65:
    I am very impressed by your knowledge of screws, but then again, nothing should be surprising when it comes to your knowledge about non-girlie things. Though, I feel it hard to believe his meager 3 inch would be enough to stuff his butt with, unless you cut it off and put it on a stick.
just like when you put a marshmallow on a stick?

good idea...but, the stick i have in mind needs ot increasingly get thicker than his weewee and have thorns...

YES!

**is this porno for psychopaths? **


swooness 34F

7/18/2006 3:59 pm

    Quoting gjg1965:
    WOW Sounds like you in love,just kidding.I could say a lot of things but your too special swooness.I blocked out your skirt pic it got me too horny um. xo George
George, in every relationship I have had, I have always appreciated the truth, so don't hold back. if you think i am being too harsh, thats fine and now you need to move but if your think i am correct, then by all means stay where you are


swooness 34F

7/18/2006 4:00 pm

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!


swooness 34F

7/18/2006 4:03 pm

    Quoting rm_Bonerazor:
    Swooness, you're the Bubba Gump of screws. Tell him it smells like napalm because that's what you'll coat him in after you've stitched his twig n' berries and perhaps a fungus loaded pinkie toe up in his "thang".
Bubba Gump of screws
LOL

twig n' berries
more like screw-infested twig n' berries covered in blood and sh*t

wow...i really need to watch some Fraggles


rm_smosmof2 67M
3240 posts
7/18/2006 6:07 pm

    Quoting swooness:
    ok...maybe not coherent because i guess it could be somewhat shocking for him to watch his manhood being whacked off with a dull knife (pussy!)...as long as he is awake, i'm cool
(Sigh) my point was, that from the email he sent you, he didn't start out particularly coherent.

Quite frankly, I have to admit that I have trouble looking at your picture and remaining coherent myself.

And no, it isn't a cop jacket, merely that of a security guard.

Unless you have fantasies about cops that you want to play out.


gamecock08 45M

7/18/2006 7:03 pm

Wow!! What an ass! Get him Girl! After reading that I think you should either write the next installment of SAW or join the CIA and start extracting information from those prisoners at Guantanamo!! The worst part is that he even had to ask...we all know you smell like roses!


Glimmer_Man06 47M
3308 posts
7/18/2006 10:57 pm

Damn Swoo, you sure know alot about screwing!

Don't let it get you down darling. The keys on his keyboard are probably already sticky just looking at your pic!

They say a woman ages like fine wine...

...mine ages like milk!


loadeddice05 44M

7/19/2006 6:43 am

HMNN! I thought his question was a rather innocent thing?? I always wonder about the vaginal scent of my next sexual conquest?? Maybe this one in a million fellow feels the same!!!

Sop watching Saw and the Hostel!! Please!!


swooness 34F

7/19/2006 6:56 am

    Quoting gamecock08:
    Wow!! What an ass! Get him Girl! After reading that I think you should either write the next installment of SAW or join the CIA and start extracting information from those prisoners at Guantanamo!! The worst part is that he even had to ask...we all know you smell like roses!
No SAW because they definitely take it too far and no CIA cause of their leaking problem


smell like roses? how sweet


swooness 34F

7/19/2006 6:58 am

    Quoting Glimmer_Man06:
    Damn Swoo, you sure know alot about screwing!

    Don't let it get you down darling. The keys on his keyboard are probably already sticky just looking at your pic!
The keys on his keyboard are probably already sticky just looking at your pic
uh...ewwwww

Yes, I do know alot about the different types of screws and how each is beneficial in its own way


swooness 34F

7/19/2006 7:00 am

    Quoting rm_heavenly_:
    OUCH!!!!!

    Now hun if you are upset you just spill it out...dont you be holding back none....lmao

    oh and just for the record I smell simply devine
oh...see, i would have thought that you would smell simple heavenly


swooness 34F

7/19/2006 7:02 am

    Quoting loadeddice05:
    HMNN! I thought his question was a rather innocent thing?? I always wonder about the vaginal scent of my next sexual conquest?? Maybe this one in a million fellow feels the same!!!

    Sop watching Saw and the Hostel!! Please!!
Yes, scary movies are out especially when I can make up scarier visions with my own imagination....again, fairy princesses, cookie dough ice cream, rainbows....


CongaFelixRubes 54M  
1223 posts
7/19/2006 10:34 am

You go girl.

What is a THANG? Lag screws work the best. Just try to relax and think of pleasant things.

Did you get back to him?


gjg1965 51M

7/19/2006 1:25 pm

Hi Swooness,Sorry if I got to you. I didn,t think and IDIOT on the internet could affect you so deeply with hate and anger.Hope you never hear from him ag en. Sorry George


swooness 34F

7/19/2006 2:08 pm

    Quoting CongaFelixRubes:
    You go girl.

    What is a THANG? Lag screws work the best. Just try to relax and think of pleasant things.

    Did you get back to him?
did i get back to him? i wish i had never been contacted at all by him. and thank you for the support


swooness 34F

7/19/2006 2:10 pm

    Quoting gjg1965:
    Hi Swooness,Sorry if I got to you. I didn,t think and IDIOT on the internet could affect you so deeply with hate and anger.Hope you never hear from him ag en. Sorry George
ME TOO! but its AdultFriendFinder, so if its not him then it is some other idiot


rm_AveDogg8 36M
15 posts
7/21/2006 12:54 pm

bubba gump of screws is the funniest thing i have heard all day, glad i stopped to read this. and glad my first response was a little more thought out.


meresu 56F

7/23/2006 2:46 pm

not enough!!!!!!!!!!! Swooness!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are some ass holes out there ... I have just received one in a similar vein.NOt as bad but I am so pissed off .... you said it all for me ...so ...we could line them up together and proceed. Any one else want to volunteer crude vulgar AdultFriendFinder members for ass hole of the year????


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