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From 5/22/2006 Grammar Police
From 5/22/2006 Grammar Police
So, this post on grammar got me thinking..
My friend said:
"OH MY FUCKING GOD!
Apostrophe + s indicates possession (or a contraction), NOT THE PLURAL FORM
Book us for all your party's = WRONG
The its (possessive) and it's (it is) difference is very simple. Learn it before I rip off your neck and shit down your throat.
And if I see one more person write "loose" when they mean "lose" (as in "Don't loose your keys), my head will explode with such violence that the entire Chicagoland area will fall victim to a nuclear holocaust.
Think of the children. Learn grammar. Use it. Please oh please."
I am a tragic misuser of commas, apostrophe's; semi colons, tenses and grammar in general. I even forget to write whole parts of sentences some times.
Yet, I can't recall ever writing loose in place of lose. I am a notorius participle dangler, however. I always forget exactly what that means until a person points it out to me. The people that can point it out, are few and far between.
I do remember that he has "lain" on the beach all day and not "laid" because that might indicate he has a cloaca. It's silly that any human would lay its eggs all over a beach.
I do have serious issues spelling certain words such as necersarry, or was that nescersarry, or necersarry, hmmm, ah yes necessary... That word I consistently spell wrong, so I avoid using it at all costs. This makes for some very entertaining problems.
Yet, I always remember how to spell sanguinary, insoucient, abbotoire and effete. I am scared that as I get older common place words will become completely indecipherable to me. I used to laugh when a chemistry lab professor would forget how to say the word tube, now I occasionally forget the word shoes (you know dear those things you put your feet in, the ones that provide protection for your feet and allow you to hike in the woods without risk of tearing up your soles, yes those, I need new ones)...
It is disorienting, and it really pisses me off when people forget that disorientated is also a real word. I am glad that there are good writers in the world, because with out them, I'd be really screwed.
Rip my head off and shit down my throat for misusing it's/its. When asked by an editor in future some day about the fact that my grammar is perfect, I will say " I was motivated because of a suicide girl. The whole ripping my head of and shitting down my throat, although a probable turn on for Dolmance just didn't appeal to me. "
Run on sentences, I try to avoid using them, but they are so much fun; many people talk in tiny little sentences, I prefer to create a huge run on sentence, that is at least descriptive and time consuming for the readers of it, to not do so is cheating the reader of all the flowerly language that I might come up with, in an attempt to be like ee. I also have no qualms regarding the misuse of the comma and the apostrophe.
I am extremely bothered by tenses though. I need a back rub really badly, and alas the birds can only bite.
Then/Than..bah this is a mistake I make all the time, but at least I'm dangling the participle on purpose in my run on sentence. Compound mistakes are fun. If the world didn't have good writers I'd be screwed.
When it all boils down to it, I am sick of people not communicating well. I really don't mind small errors here and there, what I do mind is a lack of a semi coherent thought. Or worse still a pre-programmed response, that just drives me to want shoot my hand with a nail gun.