41 THINGS GUYS DO WRONG DURING SEX!!!!  

sweetambrosia52 36F
90 posts
7/29/2006 11:55 pm

Last Read:
10/23/2007 4:53 am

41 THINGS GUYS DO WRONG DURING SEX!!!!

41 Things Guys Do Wrong During Sex

1) Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a
difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a dogie toy isn't.

6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled
fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.

13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks fist.

1 GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

19) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

20) COMING TOO SOON.
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.

23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it
will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

25) NOT SHAVING PT.2
Men seem to like women to be shaved down below. That's fine. But women like that too. That doesn't mean you have to shave it bare (although, that would be nice), but at least keep it neat and trimmed. There's nothing that turns a girl off more than looking at a penis sticking out of a forest.

26) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

27) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie
there. And don't grab her head.

2 TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

29) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

30) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.

31) TAKING PICTURES.
When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words "__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

32) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

33) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

34) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

35) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.

36) GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

37) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.

3 TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know.

39) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

40) SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too
heavily, she will turn blue.

41) THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen


Live life to the fullest its to short


timberwolf6972 44M

7/30/2006 1:16 am

Lmao, are your lovers really this incompetent? I would be ashamed if I knew that I was guilty of these things. How about you and I meeting up someday so I can change your opinion on the male of the species? {=}


rm_B_O_H_I_C_A 53M
342 posts
7/30/2006 1:31 am


Please tell me all of these things haven't happened to you; that you've just heard your friends telling stories about their experiences...

Too damn funny...

Thank you so much for the early morning chuckle! )


lostmydrinkagain 43F
2272 posts
7/30/2006 4:07 pm

I couldn't have said it better myself.


Hydragenias 56F

7/30/2006 7:57 pm

OMG!!! this is GREAT! way TOO funny!!!! LOL


Hydragenias 56F

7/30/2006 8:06 pm

I hope you don't mind but I'm pimping your blog!!! this is too funny to keep hidden! You can see me pimp you out here hydragenias


sweetambrosia52 36F
69 posts
7/30/2006 8:27 pm

timberwolf.......lol we will have to look into changing my mind but only 90 % of the guys i have been with have done at least 1 or more of these things...lol

Live life to the fullest its to short


sweetambrosia52 36F
69 posts
7/30/2006 8:28 pm

bohica....sorry to say yes they have...lol glad i could give you a laugh*smile*

Live life to the fullest its to short


sweetambrosia52 36F
69 posts
7/30/2006 8:29 pm

lostmydrinkagain......it is so true...lol

Live life to the fullest its to short


sweetambrosia52 36F
69 posts
7/30/2006 8:30 pm

hydragenia........glad you like it and glad to have you pimp me have fun!!!!

Live life to the fullest its to short


TabithaElectra 37F

7/31/2006 2:07 am

Hi, I stopped by after following Hydragenias link...and I am so glad I did!!

This is just an excellent post, so funny and yet...so true!


bustybettyboop 49F  
59325 posts
7/31/2006 4:27 am

heyy! i pimped you out a long time ago girl! what r u thinkin? u know u my ho! lmfao!!! i'm teasing but i mention you alot! where were u hiding this one??? omg! too good! *sigh* been there done that more times then i wanna remember..*sigh* i always meet guys who do at least one or more just as jess says! its crazy! guys take a hint from ambrosia.."DON'T DO THESE THINGS IN BED!!!'" LMAO..HUGGERZ...TRAILS OFF INTO THE OTHER ROOM BLOWING KISSES..MUAAAHHH!OH! by the way! that guy's pic looks ohhh sooo familiar! lmfao! *rolls eyes*

..just join me on my blog bustybettyboop and still looking for some hot,sexy,creative contestants for my next contest...come join us! need a blog mentor or want to be one?


warmgrey7 50M
422 posts
7/31/2006 6:49 am

Hey sweet thang,
I really luv this post! Entertaining and informative... Take it from a guy who knows how to write - you are good! Now I just have to get to Ohio to service you and Lisa.
hugs and licks - warmgrey


2Austin 43M

7/31/2006 8:16 am

All right, that was pretty damn funny, and I'll admit, I've been guilty of at least 2 or 3 of those thing!

Now, lets' start up one about all the things woman do wrong! I'll bet there is more than 41!!


sweetambrosia52 36F
69 posts
7/31/2006 3:42 pm

Tabithaelectra........thank you i knew i need to get the truth out there...lol

Live life to the fullest its to short


sweetambrosia52 36F
69 posts
7/31/2006 3:43 pm

busty......thank you sweetie i know your my pimp but hey who said i cant have more than one.....lol

Live life to the fullest its to short


sweetambrosia52 36F
69 posts
7/31/2006 3:48 pm

warmgrey.........well i am glad that i cant teach you something....lol and i not sure about the whole coming to service us we may be serviceing you...lol

Live life to the fullest its to short


sweetambrosia52 36F
69 posts
7/31/2006 3:50 pm

2Austin........glad i could make you laugh but i am sure you have done more than 2 or 3 of those things...lol but about the woman go ahead and count the ways show me what you got....lol

Live life to the fullest its to short


n8musik 47M

7/31/2006 7:27 pm

Wow.

I'm not sure if I should salute or cry....

How could I have been so wrong?!?

Would you be willing to tutor me?

Keep up the great work!


sweetambrosia52 36F
69 posts
7/31/2006 7:56 pm

n8musik....................maybe you should do a little saluting and crying....lol......well i will try my best to tutor whom ever would like to learn....but thank you !!!!!!!

Live life to the fullest its to short


rm_B_O_H_I_C_A 53M
342 posts
7/31/2006 10:30 pm

"...well i will try my best to tutor whom ever would like to learn..."

Oh, sweetheart ... you shouldn't just throw temptation out there like that!


warmgrey7 50M
422 posts
8/1/2006 3:32 pm

OK, sweet thang - you can service me! I'm not beyond learning new things.


sweetambrosia52 36F
69 posts
8/1/2006 4:21 pm

warmgrey7................ oh really!!!!! thats some good info to know i will keep that in mind.....lol

Live life to the fullest its to short


sweetambrosia52 36F
69 posts
8/1/2006 4:23 pm

bohica....but the temptation is always so much fun!!!!

Live life to the fullest its to short


HotToddy1974 42M
330 posts
8/2/2006 6:42 pm

I read the same exact list a few years back in an e-mail sent to me from a friend. Did you originate it or just find it on the web? Just curious because parts of it still make me chuckle to this day.


sweetambrosia52 36F
69 posts
8/2/2006 7:51 pm

hottoddy1974.....................i had someone send it to me and thought it was funny as hell so i had to post it...glad it can make you chuckle

Live life to the fullest its to short


rm_B_O_H_I_C_A 53M
342 posts
8/2/2006 9:43 pm

    Quoting sweetambrosia52:
    bohica....but the temptation is always so much fun!!!!
Ah, but it's much better to savor the anticipation than suffer the temptation...


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