Say what you mean  

sweetalyssum 47F
560 posts
12/8/2005 4:42 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Say what you mean


The chill in the air has my cheeks rosey and eyes glassey. Is that the weather or the persistent signs of my flu coming back to haunt me.

I’ve been holing up at home for almost the past week it seems, going to work and then coming straight home to huddle under the covers trying to get warm. Today was the first day that I was able to go beyond the boundaries of my self-imposed exile and I visited a facility to consult with them on an upcoming review.

After driving an hour and a half to get there, spending 3 hours consulting, I was in no mood to hear the whiney self-doubt of the lady in charge of the project, and wondered if I had in some way contributed to this twisted co-existence she and I were sharing.

So on to some self-examining. No, this is not a do it yourself video on breast exams, although I am sure that there are fetishists devoted to that. This is about examining if I actually say what I actually mean.

If I say, “no”, does it always mean “no” or does it mean persuade me nicely?

If I say, “maybe” does it mean I could go either way, or does it really mean “I really don’t want to and I don’t want to say “no” and have you persuade me.

If I say, “yes” does it mean I really want to, or am I just giving in, because eventually I might maybe give in to what I already said “no” to?

If you are confused by this, please don’t say so, because I don’t know if I can believe what you are saying is what you are actually meaning, because life is just full of those really horrible, awful, misunderstandings ‒ all because we didn’t say exactly what we meant the first time around.

Have a great day!

49AK 55M
1823 posts
12/8/2005 5:33 pm

A lot goes into choosing the words we speak... and almost all of it is evaluating our investment in that context and the people around us, and very little into the actual idea we want to convey. If we're not clear -- that is, we say 'no' when we really want to be convinced, or even we mean yes, it is because there is some downside in saying 'convince me', or 'yes' outright... So the confusion isn't about what you mean, but about what is happening and where and with whom, when you say it...

Just my ideas...


rm_magnet4u22 49F
18406 posts
12/8/2005 5:38 pm

I know exactly what you mean....we speak the same language



I


sweetalyssum 47F

12/8/2005 8:26 pm

49AK,

You are saying that we read the situation or atmosphere and then respond with language to express our interpretation?

And also that we do it as it might benefit us?

Very interesting take on it. Thanks...I'll be thinking about that.


sweetalyssum 47F

12/8/2005 8:31 pm

Mags darling,

I think it's because we are from Venus, right?


gardinaire 54M

12/9/2005 4:54 am

I kind of see it as staying in the middle of the road, non-committal. Leaving ourselves a little wiggle room to negotiate with until we are sure of our direction. Sounds good anyway!!


rm_magnet4u22 49F
18406 posts
12/9/2005 2:08 pm

Yes, my friend, exactly!



I


sweetalyssum 47F

12/10/2005 3:50 pm

Gardinaire extraordinaire, that wiggle room can put us in the situation of having to wiggle far too much to get out of a tight spot of our own doing. Not fun! Well, that's unless challenges are a good thing.


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