|Blogs > sweetalyssum > One Petal At A Time|
How very interesting life is…
Today as I was getting ready for work it occurred to me that it is expectation that kills romance and relationships. In fact, I’ve often said that love is sacrificed on the altar of life.
You see, the beauty of a new relationship is you don’t quite know what to expect. And that’s okay with you because it’s exciting and fun to be surprised and you half-way don’t expect that it could even be close to as wonderful as you’d like it to be…so you keep your expectations down to a minimum.
Then, sheer beauty strikes! Sheer delight! You find the right fit in every way…in humor, passion, attraction, and personality. For awhile you keep the expectations at bay, for awhile you just bask in the newness of finding passion with the right person.
Then comes the inevitable, invisible day that causes you to step into the miring abyss of expectation! All of a sudden, those delightful phone calls are not a welcome surprise, they are a demanded right. The rambling chatty emails are shortened to perfunctory inquiries as to the status of your health, mental and emotional (but please keep it short…my attention span is about that of a gnat right now).
The romance is overtaken and subdued by the dull, never ending deluge of the urgent. Suddenly delight transforms into demand, excitement into expectation, and desire becomes duty and we are confused to find ourselves dissatisfied and resentful that all of a sudden our needs are not being met.
At first we might request nicely that our needs be met a certain way...but underlying the request is a certain tension that says, "I must have this, I expect this from you..." What we receive can be given grudgingly and surely we sense it and wonder why.
We wonder what happened? We wonder how to fix it. We wonder if it was ever real and true.
Perhaps the only way to protect a relationship is the sure knowledge that living in the present of a relationship will allow expectations to remain checked and in control...otherwise it becomes an obsession and not a relationship?
May we cherish the delight, desire, and excitement in our relationships. May we guard against unreasonable expectations. May we give unreservedly in relationships that are deserving and worthy endeavors.
3/23/2006 7:47 pm
You have a very good point....I think that happens to a lot of relationships. I try not to expect anything except kindness....everything else is a nice surprise. There is a relationship that I treasure. Each time I hear from them is a delight, each time I see them is excitement and I try to guard against becoming so familiar that I begin to expect. |
3/24/2006 4:12 pm
There is alot to be said for being able to live in the present.|
Why is it so hard to do, Aly?
Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde
3/25/2006 5:05 pm
Relationships ARE about expectations. You expect your lover to be kind. You expect your lover to BE there when you need them. You expect your lover to stand up for you. You expect them to understand and accept your foibles. If you have calls going everyday, and they don't call, you wonder what is wrong. A piece of you comes missing and you start to look for it.|
What kills romance is complacency. You stop trying to feed the needs of your partner. You take it for granted that they will be there. You don't go the extra mile. They ignore your pain when you are hurting. The little thoughtfull things are forgotten. Opening the door for her. Fixing his tie. Going to the effort to tease them on the little things that make you both laugh. Doing what it takes to put the sparkle in your lover's eye. It's a decision.
Romance like sponttinaity takes work. HARD work. The best musicians that can stand up and just PLAY what's in their soul practice hours and hours and hours of drills that we NEVER see. They work alone at night when no one is looking. A romantic plans ways to suprise his lover. They look for the little things that make the difference. Pick a flower in the street on the way to see his lover. Wear that parfume that he loves. Again, it's a decision.
The present implies a past and future. Past hurts, past successes, past triumphs, past passions. We use what has happened in the past to maske sense of today and predict what will happen tomorrow. If we just live in the present, we have nothing to tie to the past to call love or to call relationships We become animals that just exist to eat, sleep and fuck.
Why not just have the "booty call"