some funny shit!!!!!  

suspect6996 41M
2 posts
2/19/2006 8:53 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

some funny shit!!!!!

foridas ranked #2 in violent crime

who,s #1
south carolina,florida,maryland,tennessee,new mexico,louisianna,alaska,nevada,delaware,california are the top ten in order.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “That driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off ‒ go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.
PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."

DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."”

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"
A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man."

The other man then replies: "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."

. Why did God give Mexicans noses?
A. So they'll have something to pick in the winter.

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.

The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing?" he asks the drunk.

"I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it."

"So how does feeling the roof help you?" He asked the drunk.

"Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!!"
The New York City Police Department has a $3.3 billion annual budget, larger than all but 19 of the world's armies.


Have you heard about the new "blonde paint?"

Yeah, it's not very bright, but it sure does spread easy.

Yo mama's so fat, she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.

There was a grandpa and a boy fishing one day. The grandpa smokes a cig and the little boy says can i have one, the g-pa says can dick touch ur asshole, kid says no , g-pa says then no, so a little lata the g-pa pulls out some beer he takes a drink the kid says can i have some , g-pa says can ur dick touch ur asshole kid said no it cant g-pa said well then no, the kid says fine... they fish a little longer the kid pulls out a piece of bubble gum starts chewing it. the g-pa said can i have a piece. the kid said can ur dick touch ur asshole. the g-pa said well yah. kid says good for u go fukr urslef this is my gum...

What did the left nut say to the right nut? Don´t talk to the guy in the middle, he´s a dick

Do you know the difference between a wife and a girl friend?
When your girl friend touches your hair your dick stands up, but when your wife touches your dick your hair stands up.


A man walks into a bar and sees this very attractive woman, he buys her a couple of ddrinks and they hit it off. They go to her appartment and he is surprised that there are many teddy bears on the shelves. They have great sex and in the morning he asked her how he did. She said you can take anything from the bottom shelf.

why are hurricans like women?............

because when the come they are warm wet and windy .

and when they leave they take the house, the car and the money

Why Michael Jackson go out with thirty nine year olds?

Because there were thirty of them

"what's green and sits on my porch?"
"my Ni**** and I'll paint him any color I want to."

the big bad wolf said to little red riding hood "unbutton your blouse and let me suck your tits" fuck off she replied as she tugged down her pantie’s "eat me like the fuckin book says"


A guy walks into his favorite bar, as he does every night. He walks over to
the bartender and says, "Shit. Tony, don’t ever let me get as drunk as I did
last night ever again.
The bartender says, "and why is that, Steve?"
Steve replies, "I went home and blew chunks."
The bartender says, "What’s wrong with that? Lots of people do when
they’re drunk."
The man, with a somber look on his face, answers back, "You don’t
understand, Chunks is my dog!"

Man takes his teenage daughter to the family planning clinic and asks that she is put on the pill.
Doctor asks "Is your daughter sexually active?"
Man replies "Nah, she just lies there like her ma!!"

A guy speeding over a bridge, late for work, gets stopped by a cop standing on the bridge operating radar. After being stopped the cop asks the man what his profession is and he replied a professional asshole strecher. The cop, being curious, asks exactly what does a professional asshole strecher do? The driver explains that he starts with a small asshole and continues to strech it until its six feet tall. The cop asks the driver what do you do with a six foot asshole, the driver responds apparently give him a radar and stand him on a bridge.

How many cops does it take to push someone in cuffs down the stairs?
None that son of a bitch fell!!!!!


rm_PurryKitty2 48M/49F
9753 posts
2/19/2006 9:34 am

Thanks for sharing!

Purry {=}


LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
2/19/2006 9:38 am

LMAO...kudos, that is some funny stuff.

EXCEPT--"what's green and sits on my porch?"
"my Ni**** and I'll paint him any color I want to."

I thought that one was a little rank.


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