A Real Friend, Companion, and Lover  

strongelk2006 53M
752 posts
8/20/2006 10:02 am

Last Read:
8/22/2006 8:46 pm

A Real Friend, Companion, and Lover

What do you look for when need someone to fill your life with? For 13 years I didn't know what I was looking for. After my divorce, my life was empty. I bounced from one deadend relationship, to another, not knowing what I was looking for. A friend asked me a question; "If I ever had any thoughts of suicide?" What came to mind was the emptiness that I felt for 13 years, and all I did was look for a way to commit suicide. I was looking for a bullet, because I didn't have the will to do it myself. The places I've been, the people I've seen, the way I've acted would've certainly put a bullet in my head a hundred fold. For some reason the Great Spirit has kept me here, because he took me off of the path of destruction that I was following. He put me in a place where I had to take a look at the deepest, darkest, places in myself, for 9 years. It took a simple circumstance and a wink, from a site I stumbled across. After 13 years of being empty, with nothing but dark memories, I happened to find a light, that I could feel more than see. It was her voice that was the light. Who knew, I could be blessed not just with a friend, but also a companion, and a lover. I'm so blessed with her, but I'm afraid she doesn't realize how blessed she is to have me. She's so afraid of being hurt. I only wish that I could fill her darkness with my light, as she lights up my dark places. On August 19, 2006, I asked her to be my friend, for I was in a place that I needed a friend more then a lover. She sensed that I needed that friend, more than the lover that night. Even though she had the fear that she could lose me. She was able to be that friend I needed, when I needed her. She was a friend, not a jealous lover. She never has to worry about losing me, because I've found all 3 in this person. 2 out of 3 just isn't enough, unlike the song by Meatloaf. I hope she can see that too. I want her, need her, and LOVE her. The Great Spirit puts people in each other's paths for reasons!
"Na-ci-la-hn Na-chi-cha-wa Gi-sha-la-ca To-shi-ni"

"I come before you Great Spirit, as a humble man. Asking for a blessing, for what's in my heart."

It's a prayer that I used in ceremonies. I hope that she understands that she's being blessed, because she's in my heart. She will be loved.
Peace,,,Spirit Elk


Sweetpickles69 47F

8/20/2006 12:59 pm

I feel your love, mostly when we're together. I just wish I could be in your arms more often. I need to be held, & told everything's going to be alright. You just have so many people in your life, I feel kinda left out sometimes, or second place. I know I shouldn't, you tell me all the time how much I mean to you! I've always been better in person, than with words. Sorry, I'm so insecure, don't blame me, life has turned me that way. Everything & everyone I've every loved has left me in some way, or hurt me, so I'm twice shy now. I just want this to be for real! I want it so badly, & I don't want to scare it, or ruin it. I hate that I'm such an impatient, insecure person. I know it gets tiring having to reassure me all the time.
Please, just love me, be the light I can go to when the dark things want to come out. I have so much incertainty in my life. You're the only lifeline I have right now. I'm trying so hard to let you in, & let my walls come down. I just hope I have the strength left to hang around, to be the friend, companion, & lover that you need.



silverbreeze2 65F

8/20/2006 12:26 pm

Wow! A powerful story.

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