UnDeciDeD  

str8fuckn 42F
17 posts
2/3/2006 6:39 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

UnDeciDeD

I have an ex that love and want to keep me. I have a wife that love and want me back. And I care about both but not sure if I want either. I just got out of a 5 yr. relationship with the ex and the majority of the relationship we argued and fought about the wife where as now I am sick of both of them. Here is a long story short. Both the wife and ex knew eachother previously. The wife sleep with the ex woman at the time mind u that was over 15 years ago when that happened. I was not around during that time and had nothing to do with it and the ex should not have fucked with me if she felt she was going to have a problem with it. But she did and that is part of what ended us the other part is neither here nor there. But anyhow the ex took it bad when we broke up but only because the wife was back. I had no intention of going back to my wife, too much time had passed and our shit was too deep and it had drained the life out of me. It took me a long time to get back to who I am and I in that time I have changed a great deal. My wants and needs are not the same as before. I do view things in the same light an i defintely don't think the way I use to. And I don't see know change in my wife, see she is one of those too pretty and sexy mutha's and she is use to a certain lifestyle which comes from females buying her time an attention she was use to the money and wasn't working. I guess what kept her running for me is the fact that I was not impressed with her outer beauty and sex appeal. I seen the core of who she was and that shit fucked her up and me too cause while I am look'n at her she was look'n at me and seen some shit and that started us on a deep dark unknown journey that neither one of us was ready for an it started doing damage to us. You can say we were our own enemy. So she left and life drifted by until I met the ex. At that time I wasn't looking for a relationship I just want to converse with another human besides my lesbian mom. I met the ex at a local family park(gay,lesbian,bi) when I saw her I thought she was cute a little skinny but she had a cute little shape. I was going to hook her up with my mom but they wasn't talking so I started talkn to her askn did she play cards an all that shit and it went from there. Finally my ole girl ask me to ask her if she knew these different people that we knew and if she knew my wife. Why did I ask that she started telling me different stories and what not. At that time it wasn't nothing bad I told her that she was my wife she didn't seem to have a problem with it. We exchanged numbers and before I gave her the number I asked her did she have a problem with the fact that we are married she said no. Now I know what you think why would you give her the number knowing they knew eachother. Well I didn't want to fuck her or start a relationship with her an me an my wife was on the outs well on our way when I met the ex. There were no malicious intent on my part an didn't get any negative vibes from her so I thought it was cool. Little did I know. At any rate we eventually got together and stayed together for 5 years well 4 1/2 an I didn't cheat the whole time. I had a few kisses here and there but nothing serious. But let her tell it I was doing my wife the whole time. So when we broke up she was like I am fighting for what I want now I am not going to wait 4 years to realize you are who I want I am letting you know this now. She said this because my wife left and now 4 years later here she come wanting to get back with me. But what she didn't know was that we have maintain a friendship through out the years. She would bring things by my ole girl house for the kids and gifts for me. But I did understand what my ex was saying but she didn't know the story. Anyhow now that I am single I don't want to be tied down anymore. I want to be a free spirit and do my own thing. It seems everytime I do that here they come with they shit. My ex is good to me she takes good care of me in fact I was spoiled when we met now I am rotten so much I stank an I take care of her little fat ass too(she isn't really fat)her ass has gotten big so that's my nickname for her when I fuss at her. I do care a great deal about her the sex could be better but you can't have it all. And my wife the one that women pay for will get out there and hustle her ass off to make sure my needs are met, I love her I am not in love but I love her. But we are not on the same level anymore and I just don't know how to tell her that. She don't be on the computer so I can't communicate like that and writing I don't feel like doing the phone an face to face is out of the question. Right now her mom is just found out she has cancer and she is dealing with that and I don't want to burden her with my shit. She came by here tonight and she is emotionally fucked up and mentally on the brink of insanity. And she came to tell me that when this is all said and done no matter what happens fuck the bitches the money she ready to come home and that we are good for eachother. Me and the boys are better for her than she is for us an that she wanted me to think about that don't give no answer now. I don't know what to do about any of this. I know I first have to be honest with myself about all of this before I can make a real decision. It shouldn't be that hard based on what I just wrote but it is so much more to it than just this and I have a lot to think about.


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