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A bit of a different Twist This Morning - Reporting on Farmer John's chickens - too funny!
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May 21, 2012 3:47 am
102 Views
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A friend thought this was quite good and sent it
for me to post for all to enjoy the suspense! Some may have
read it before, but hopefully it will bring another chuckle !!!
Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But as
time went by, the traffic slowing built up and became
so heavy and so fast tha his chickens were being run over
at a rate of three to six a day.
So one day Farmer John called the local police stationand said,
"You've got to do something about all of these people driving
so fast and killing my chickens.
"What do you want us to do?" asked the policeman. "I don't
care, just do something about those crazy drivers!" So the next day the policeman had the Main Road's workers go out and
erect a sign that said:
SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later Farmer JOhn called th policeman and said, "You've go to do something about these drivers. The
'school crossing' sign seems to make them to go evev faster
again, the policemen sends out the Main Roads workers' and they put up a new sign:
SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
That really sped them up. So Farmer John calle and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the
policeman, "Your signs are doing no good at all ,,, can I put up
my own sign?
The policeman said, "Sure, go ahead" He was willing to let
Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop
calling to complain.
The policeman got no more calls from Farmer John. Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the policeman and he decided to give farmer John a call. "How's the problem with those
drivers. Did you put up your sign?" "Oh, I sure did," replied
Farmer John, "and not one chicken has been killed since then.
I've got to go,I'm very busy."
He hung up the phone.
The policeman was really curious and he thought to himself, "I'd
better to out there and take look at that sign ... it might
be something that WE could use to slow down drivers."
So he drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.
It was spray painted on a sheet of wood.....
NUDIST COLONY
Go Slow And Watch out for chicks!
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12
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Time Off from Blogging
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May 20, 2012 12:26 pm
121 Views
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It seems I ran out of here on Thurs
and failed to throw out that I was
going to be out of range of an
internet connection until today.
Spent a bit of time over at a Big Lake
about 1 hr away, got some work done.
Got tired awhole lot, and after rested
as much as I liked.
Rained a ton on Thurs nite (over 2"),
and was relatively cool (cold) the
rest of the weekend. Water Festival
and Parade very lightly attended due
to the rain and cool weather. Bystanders
at parade had blankets to cover up, so not
so enjoyable a day.
Only a few fireworks, street dance was cut
short as well. Many many entries in parade
dropped apparently because of predicted bad
weather.
But all in all, it was a very nice weekend.
Hope all of you had a great one as well.
Did you do anything special??????
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8
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Great Comeback Line
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May 15, 2012 2:16 am
318 Views
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Police work must be entertaining as well as dangerous.
Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick
Lawrence, 22 year of whit male, fornicating with a
[pumpkin in the middle of the night.
The next day at the Swinnett County (GA) courthouse,
Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior,
public indecency and public intoxication.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin
patch on his way home from a drinking session when he
decided to stop, "You know how a pumpkin is soft and
squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles
or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around'
he stated.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side
of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was
appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it and
proceeded to satisfy his pressing ned. "Guess was
really into it, you know?' He commented with evident
embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to
notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his
audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.
'It w as an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said
officer Taylor. 'I walked up to lawrence and he's
just banging away at this pumpkin.'
Officer Taylor went on to described what happened when
she approached Lawrence.
'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're
having sex with a pumpkin???'
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there,
and then he looked me straight in the face and said:
"A pumpkin? Shit ... is it midnight already?'
The Washington post wrote an article describing this as
Best Comeback Line Ever."
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14
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Catching up Today!!!
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May 14, 2012 4:02 pm
318 Views
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Sorry Guys, was very lax today in
not getting up a Post till now.
Seems I've had a string a bad nights
where sleep just would not befall me.
That problem had about caught up big
time late yesterday, but still did not
sleep as soundly as I would have liked,
at least did not rest last night.
So when starting out this morning to
move around, and after breakfast and
a wonderful cut of coffee, I felt
really sleepy, so you know where I
ended up, yep, back in the bed from
about 11:30am till 3:30pm or so.
Much needed rest and sleep! Ohhhhh
what a blessing to finally
catch up. Has been a real problem
for me for many years, but usually
one night at the time, very seldom
several in a row.
DO ANY OF THE REST OF you bloggers
have a problem with sleep? If so,
how do you handle it? If you take
a sleep aid, does it help, or make
things worse?
Just wondering, I can't be the only
sleep walking zombie out here who
wanders the house at night and can't
sleep!!!!!!!!
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14
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, 1 Pending
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Little New found land Midget humor
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May 12, 2012 3:28 am
426 Views
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An extra post for this week since I seemed
to have gotten so tied up for several days,
I was remiss and did not get a Post up!!!
Testicles of a Newfoundland Midget hurt and ached
almost all the time.
The midget went to the doctor and told him about
his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants
and he would have a look at his problem.
The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up
onto the examining table, and started to examine him.
The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told
the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to
check for a hernia. "Aha!" mumbled the doctor, and as
he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the
midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor once more,
and reached for his surgical scissors.
Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side...then snip-snip-
snip-snip on the left side.
The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted
with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor
then told the midget to walk around the examining room
to see if his testicles still hurt.
The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around
and discovered his "boys" were no longer aching. The doctor
said, "How does that feel now?"
The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it.
What did you do?"
The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your
rubber boots so they didn't grab your testicles with each
step you took."
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12
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A Bit of Leisure Reading for Saturday!!
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May 12, 2012 3:16 am
414 Views
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Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower,
shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly
beautiful and very sexy 25-year old blonde-haired
woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her
youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over
Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first
chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the
trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my
wife!' They are knocked over, but continue to ask, 'So,
how'd you persuade her to marry you?'
'I lied about my age', Bob replies, 'What, did you tell
her you were only 50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I
told her I was 90.'
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10
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Oh My, My Car Keys - Just Where Are My Car Keys ?????
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May 10, 2012 3:52 pm
436 Views
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The sad part of this one is that it could happen!!!
Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I
desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I
was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets.
A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband
has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the
ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not
to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.
As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying
conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was
empty.
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, nd that it
had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I
stammered: I always call him Honey, in times like these.
"I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."
There was a period of silence, I thought the call had been
dropped, but then I heard his voice.
"Idiot," he barked, "I dropped you off!"
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said,
"Well, will you come and get me." He retorted, "I will
as soon as I can convince this policeman I have not stolen
your car."
Yep, could be the golden years are here.
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10
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Keep A Watch on Your Mailbox !!!
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May 8, 2012 7:26 pm
566 Views
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Since it is election time,
and this Obama thing has been showing
up in my Posts for a while, here is one
more for you to enjoy!
A friend shared that I should Watch my
Mailbox closely, and they just wanted me to
know - that today they received their 2012
Social Security Stimulus Package.
It contained two tomato seeds, cornbread mix,
a prayer rug, a machine to blow smoke up my
ass, 2 discount coupons to KFC, and an "Obama Hope
& Change" bumper sticker, and a "Blame it on Bush"
poster for the front yard. The directions were all
in Spanish.
Keep your eyes open and WATCH for yours soon!!!
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12
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OBAMA - WALKING EAGLE
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May 8, 2012 3:07 pm
585 Views
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 (One we are proud of, but read on)
President Barack Obama was invited to address a
major gathering of the American Indian Nation a few
weeks ago in Upstate New York...
He spoke for almost an hour about his plans for
increasing every Native American's present standard of
living. He referred to his time as a U.S. Senator and how
he had voted for every Native American issue that came
to the floor of the Senate.
Although President Obama was vague about the details
of his plans, he seemed most enthusiastic and spoke
eloquently about his ideas for helping his "red sisters
and brothers."
At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented
Obama with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name,
The proud President Obama accepted the the plaque and
then departed in his motorcade to a fundraiser, waving to
the crowds.
A news reporter later asked the group of chiefs how they
came to select the new name they had given to the
President.
They explained that 'Walking Eagle" is the name given
to a bird so full of 'shit' it can no longer fly.
(Surely in the days after being bestowed with his new
name, someone in Obama's group were wise enough
to make him aware of what it translates too - shame he
would continue to think it an honor, but maybe he does.)
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14
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VOTE!!!!
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May 8, 2012 10:07 am
539 Views
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DO YOUR DUTY AS A U.S. CITIZEN TODAY AND
GO V O T E !!!!!
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6
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