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Live Close, Visit Often: the Ideal?
Live Close, Visit Often: the Ideal?
I mentioned in my previous post an idea a friend of mine came up with. As usual, that idea has drawn some comment (it always does when I mention it to people). So I thought the idea deserved a post of its own.
Anyone thinking at all about relationships has to wonder (at some point): "What is the best arrangement between two people in a relationship?"
Our society puts considerable effort into promoting monogamous marriage as the ideal, but a lot of us beg to differ. So what are the alternatives?
The one most common since the sexual revolution of the 1960's has to be "living together": co-habitation without marriage. I presume this approach is seen as superior to marriage by those who choose it because neither person in the relationship is bound by a vow of commitment and so is free to leave at any time.
My previous post discusses what I believe to be an important side-effect of this freedom. But what I'm wondering about now is something else: is living together the optimal arrangement for having and sustaining a deep, passionate, and genuine relationship?
What, you may be wondering, could be the alternative? LIVE CLOSE, VISIT OFTEN.
Simple idea, isn't it? (Wish I'd thought of it.)
Consider that LCVO has the same presumed advantage of living together (no vows of commitment to tie one down). But it also has the following: at any time that one or both members of the relationship need space, they can easily get it by retreating to the solitude of their own place.
I mean, let's face it, even the most committed lovers can sometimes use a little time off from each other. With LCVO, such periods of respite are virtually built in.
And, of course, one member of the relationship can spend the night at the other's as often as the two want. So waking up together in the morning and having great sex, or breakfast (or both), is always available.
So, anyway, there's the idea. I must say that I find it quite attractive. Note sure that it's what I want forever, but pretty sure I'd like to try it for a while. Maybe a pretty long while.
As with everything, there is a downside. The most obvious to me is financial. But life is a series of choices and many of them are economic. This one definitely has economic implications, because it costs more to live on your own than with a roommate (so to speak).
And there are other interesting implications to consider. Monogamy, for one. But these will be left for another post.
7/17/2005 11:59 pm
Well married people sometimes have separate bedrooms and bathrooms. I saw a talk show where Joan Rivers suggested separate houses was even better! Michelle Pffeifer in "Up Close and Personal" movie has a nice line with her lover Robert Redford: she says she wants to marry him and he says why bother they are seeing each other anyway as in this particular morning. Michelle says I want to be married so you have a legal obligation to be there in the morning. She was wrong. Married people are not obligated to be in the same continent together. In theory you want to be, but that is not always true, either.|
7/18/2005 6:44 am
The LCVO option (sounds like a government acronym) has many good features. You presented several of the options both positive and negative. Maybe it is just my socioeconomic class, but the economic argument might have been underplayed just a bit. One you didn't consider is the LDVS (Live distant, visit seldom) option. Most of my adult life has been spent in very rural, bordering on remote places. Finding a mate for even a casual relationship is extremely difficult. It does however make for some very exciting sexual adventures when they finally do happen. Living in relatively urban areas has really spoile some socially!|
(Nice writing style and techniqe by the way!(
7/18/2005 8:18 am
I don't know if I could ever, EVER live with another personal again.|
This is perfect.
jr eats when jr wants
showers when jr wants
cleans (or doesn't) when jr wants
And JR wil never ever share a bathroom again.
7/20/2005 9:54 pm
Well, that was waht Mia Farrow & Woody Allen had... until Mia found dirty nekkd photos of her adopted daughter in Woody's flat. Personally, I don't mind having my own place short term as I'm just coming out of a bad marriage but I do see living together with my lover some day & from the way he talks, he's wanting that too. I don't think that living separately changes the problems a couple might have with each other, the problems may not be as evident as if you were living together but they are still there & just as big, imo.|