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I Never Saw It Coming
I Never Saw It Coming
Having delivered a blindside of my own recently (to my wife), I got to thinking tonight about the claim "I never saw it coming."
You know, when someone who thinks their relationship with another person is rocking along just fine suddenly finds out things aren't just fine, and that their Significant Other is unhappy to the point of bailing out of the relationship, they always say "I never saw it coming."
My question is: Is this a failure of perception on the part of the person who gets blindsided?
I am trying to think carefully here. I realize that there are circumstances where one partner actively *deceives* the other, pretending that everything is fine, and then one day delivers the bad news ". . .and oh, by the way, I'm leaving". I'm not talking about such situations.
I'm thinking instead about cases where one person tells the other "I'm not happy about. . ." (fill in the blank), but the issue never gets dealt with, never gets resolved in a satisfactory way, and just sort of fades into the background, ignored like the proverbial 800 pound gorilla in the living room.
I'll re-ask my question: *When* is it credible that one person can have *no idea* that the other person is so unhappy that they just simply walk out of the relationship?
I admit right now this has never happened to me. I did date a girl (we were teenagers) once who only dated me because her mom liked me. I liked this girl a lot, but I knew right away that she didn't really have any interest in me. She just went out with me to get her parents off her back about the guy she really wanted to date. Needless to say, I didn't bother with her too long, as I knew the whole thing was a waste of my time, if not hers.
But seeing as how I have recently delivered a blindside to my wife (what, she really didn't know how unhappy I was for all these years? Sorry, I just don't buy it), and that I recently encountered a woman who told me *she* was blindsided by her b^&%&$* husband, this has got me to thinking.
I'd be interested in knowing what other people think, and what their own experience is.
I suppose at this point I'm inclined to think that *it is impossible to be blindsided if you are truly paying attention to your relationship* (excepting the case of complete deception by your S.
8/5/2005 11:06 pm
My wife came from family where conflict was avoided at all costs. Therefore, the issues between us often lay there like an unpaid balance on a credit card, gaining ugly interest the longer they sit. I bring 'em up, so she shouldn't feel blindsided - but, yes, the 800 lb gorilla IS sitting there.|