"Looks"... can be deceiving!.....  

spunoutwhiteboy 46M
3 posts
7/15/2006 11:51 pm

Last Read:
7/20/2006 1:17 am

"Looks"... can be deceiving!.....


All of us at one time or another ,face lifes dissapointments.just when you think you have the world you live in conquered, shit happens....For the last year, I have been patiently waiting for the return of a girl that cared and loved to get out of prison. It "looked ", to me like that this was"Misses Right". Now I met and dated this girl a few years back and she just wasnt ready to settle down yet,ultimately I had to let her go.....It to me was the old adtage "If you love something you should set it free... If it does'nt come back, it was'nt truly yours to begin with...." So for the next 5 years relocated to So. Lake Tahoe, from San Diego,(both truly the most beautiful places in the world) While I was gone she had become a statistic being "In" and "out" of county jails then finally to "prison", coming back to So. Cal. to finish college for a bright and new future in-store, also had another purpose, to see what she had been up to , and invite her into this new and bright future.....well I had missed her by 2 weeks , she was back in prison...her sister said "Please write her , since I had left ,You have been in her thoughts alot!".... So We started writing then it got serious , after a while it "looked" to me that we both wanted the same things out of life and each other.(I too have had a more intense lifestyle than she and have since given it up years ago). well as expected on release date I was at the front door of the prison to go get her at her request. She was absolutely beautiful,more so than I had remembered. I once again daydreamed and "looked" with my heart instead of my head. Her mother and sister had huge plans for this day.... and seemed that I was to be seen at a few days later...which i was ok with (she has kids that needed their mother and to me that comes first over anything that I may feel) So when that eventful day came it was picture perfect , long talks , about the future and reassurances of the things we wanted to do together. She spent the night then next day back to moms to do the family stuff. (at this point i have seen her 2 times once for 2 hrs and once for a 24hr. period) the next two weeks were "living hell" wondering where she was and all the time she was spending with others I did not equate(fit in) too her busy schedule. It "looked " to me as I was there to just keep her entertained while locked up.Now I was angry,disappointed, and felt just plain out "lied to", but deep in my heart was just wanting to spend time with her. On the third week of this problem, at 1:00am my phone rings and here she is drunk at a bar with her sister asking me to "Please come get her" at first, I was mad , then I agreed because I still loved her." en Route shortly after being almost 2 miles from her ..... I was pulled over by a sherriff and almost arrested, for what? so I could give her a ride home ...no questions were going to be asked by me just comply with getting her safely there. Just after what was an amazing miracle of being let go by the sherrif, she calls me and says shes home and got a ride... I asked if i could talk to her and got a ration of shit. Since then have been feeling like what i was "looking"for in this person died the minute she got out.... so "looks " can be deceiving.....and being a statistic is just not for me ...

Dr_Novacks 65M
4 posts
7/16/2006 12:25 am

Unfortunately, your story is a familiar one, coming to me from both men and women acting in the role of "Enabler" or "Wet-Blanket". To learn more about your dilemma, I seriously urge you–actually you both–to counseling, local Community College family planning classes, Developmental Psychology courses, and/or Alcoholic Anonymous meetings, etc.

Satisfying, enduring marriage usually involves give-and-take, not just giving.


angelofmercy5 59F
17881 posts
7/16/2006 8:43 am

Welcome to the blogs! That's awful. But there's some good advice form Dr Novacks up above! Hey! Stop over and register for camp! It's going to be alot of fun! CAMP APHRODISIAC...........Get Excited!!!


spunoutwhiteboy 46M
2 posts
7/17/2006 12:03 pm

Thanks,doc.... I would like to talk to you about it further when you got some time. to get the info. on where I learn to change...self- improvement is high on my "priorities list"


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