| TEE TIMES ,TEA FOR TWO, TEABAGGIN' DO YOU? |
Mar 14, 2008 4:19 pm
Mood: Steeping, 4717 Views | 
The scurrying of feet, light thumps on the floor, The slam of the fire escape door...
Opening mine cautiously there it was, hanging with a note from my door knob, everyone else's door knob...as far as the eye could see, tea bags and the note "You've been tea bagged"...
Wtf more like a gang teabaggin', maybe there's some teed off tea bagger vance out there dropping his teabags in everyone's cup?
What The Fuck is Tea Bagging anyways?
Don't tell me to google, I'm already scarred for life from googling...
I'm pretty sure it doesn't involve Earle Grey or Orange Pekoe... | |
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54 Comments | |
| MINDFUL THINGS... |
Mar 13, 2008 4:10 pm
Mood: Life number ninish, 4552 Views | 
Stop!
Relax...
Think...
What's the most important thing on your mind lately?
Serious Cat Wants To Know... | |
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65 Comments | |
| I AINT NEVER GONNA SEE NEVERLAND AT THIS RATE.. |
Mar 12, 2008 2:30 am
Mood: Sleep Deprivationally challang, 4580 Views |  | Snnnnnorrrk...
10,000 out of tune tuba's couldn't sound this bad...
Snnnnnerrrrcckk...
Throw in a legion of Texans with anemic, rusty chainsaws for good measure...
Phhheeerritt...
add one kitten in a garbage disposer and you've got the spacial surround sound effect of the wench snoring...
Grawwwckk...
Did I forget to mention the sleep apnea? ~elbows wench in the ribs, brings her back in tune~ |
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59 Comments | |
| COME TO THE WHITE SIDE... WE HAVE CHOCOLATE... |
Mar 8, 2008 4:02 pm
Mood: DRIFTING, 5335 Views | [
This is my car, it's not much of a car but it's the only one I got... I think it's my car, at least I think that's where I parked it last...
Day three of the storm, the water's still brown, elevators have stopped, buses are stuck in the street...
We're reduced to eating can goods that expired back in '05...the guinea pig's outta lettuce and looking at me kinda funny... then again I've got my eye on him to... somewhere in the Andes his kin are din-din tonight...
In the middle of all this the wench thinks we should go to the store... "just think, we'll be the only ones there... besides we're out of Toilet Paper and Tampons"
As if things couldn't get worse, I'm stuck in a shoebox apartment with a premenstrual wench and a guinea pig with carnavoristic tendencies...
I tried to tell her there's TP and Chocolate in the cars trunk, I always travel with survival rations (Hormel canned Chili mostly) but she's not buying it..
I've got chocolate... anyone wanna go clean the white stuff off so I can get my Chili outta the trunk?
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92 Comments | |
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| CAN YOU TAKE TWELVE INCHES? |
Mar 7, 2008 8:08 am
Mood: DUMPED ON, 4863 Views |  | Well bend me over and fuck me sideways... is 6" to much, how about 12"?
I woke up expecting to spit but had to swallow...
Load up the toothbrush turn on the faucet and brown shit oozes out, I'm not putting that in my mouth.... could be two weeks before they fix it..
Now there's not twelve but twenty four... Yes Twenty Four Double your pleasure double the fun..
24" of snow are expected on top of a sinkhole trying to swallow downtown Cleveland....
Cleveland sux....
How's things in your little corner of the world? |
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71 Comments | |
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| PETER PAN LIVES... |
Mar 3, 2008 2:55 pm
Mood: Wide eyed and bushy tailed, 5156 Views | 
If You Could Have Anything Back That You Had As A kid What Would It Be? | |
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128 Comments | |
| WELL KISS MY SPITTLE.... |
Mar 2, 2008 7:26 pm
Mood: Tossed, 4672 Views |  | All things in moderation does not include Cockroaches, Jehovah's Witnesses or chewing tobacco...
You'd think I'd have learned, but every couple decades I go through these life lesson reaffirming stages...
Another words the Satanic Tobacco Company Reps were handing out free smokeless tobacco samples, don't spit just swallow... yeah right don't believe everything on TV....
I'd forgotten about those samples till I quit smoking yesterday....
Where I come from Men and women alike chew tobacco, most everyone's a spitter, a Maw and Chaw kettle... the family that spits together thing...
Anyways, I'd barely woke up, not a smoke in the house, the coffee's yet to be done... and there's that little round snuff container...
A pinch between the cheeks, that evil nicotine's starting to seep in, the phones ringing, teakettle whistling, there's cockroach Jehovah's knocking on the door...
"Do You go to Church?" they asked
"It's 10 am on sunday what do you think?" I replied trying to juggle a yet to be filled coffee cup, answer the Hellery Clinton rep on the cordless while spittle's dribblin' down my chin
Somewhere in the process I'd swallowed, The room began to spin, that or my head was, turning a pallor shade of green, suddenly last nights pea soup spewed forth...
Last I saw two Jehovah's were slowly backing down the hall, mumbling about exorcist and exorcisms, the Hellery Rep's asking if I'm all right, I told him I just found all the dribble a little hard to swallow....
Would You Kiss A Spitter? |
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64 Comments | |
| THE TALK NOT THE WALK... |
Feb 29, 2008 7:39 pm
Mood: Sticky sheets, 5558 Views |  | Maybe it was the Hustler magazine with the scratch and sniff centerfold hidden under my bed they'd found...
I still remember her lilac scent...
It could've been all the noise my 15 year old girlfriend made the day I lost my virginity with dad asleep in the next room...
It could've been all of the above, any number of things, but one day it all came to a head...
I was just 13 that fine fall day. It was hard being in junior high, hard sitting behind that girl with the hip hugger jeans, peasant blouse, pert rack... legs that went all the way there and back... yes it was Hard...
Rushing home from school, dropping books and what not on the way to the privacy of my bedroom, privacy much needed on such a hard day...
But there on my bed was something definitely not mine, something I sure didn't leave there...
A child's guide to masturbation. What the fuck? I had that down pat, with a few years practice and more.
Seems my parents had decided it was time for "The Talk", and that's as close as it came... no stories of the birds and the bees, no talk at all.
If they only knew...
When Did You Get The Talk... Or Did You? |
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139 Comments | |
| SCOTTIE GIVE ME ALL YA GOT... |
Feb 28, 2008 1:20 pm
Mood: Intel not inside, 4419 Views |  | The IT guys scrambled in a geeky frenzy, pocket protectors in disarray, sweaty brows furrowed in dismay...
What was just an ordinary introductory computer training class on the new "crash proof, so simple even a caveman can do it" systems had just went horribly wrong...
They'd forgot to figure in one anomaly... Me...
Finally all was calm, all systems restored, all eyes focused on me...
"What Did You Do" they asked?
"I pushed this lil ol' button"
" That couldn't possibly do it, and it's a key not a button" they replied...
" Key, button, smutten.. here watch this" and I pushed the key..
Like Pavlov's dog the IT guys once again scrambled into their diet coke, Adrenalin fueled frenzy.... this time mumbling something about the mainframe dumping pertinent data, or some such...
That was back in 1994, my first time ever on a computer, I completed that class,with an instructor on each side of me... rumor has it that they had tazers...
In 1995 a company handbook on playing nice with computers was issued, me being the star inspiration...
When did you first learn to use a computer? |
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67 Comments | |
| HANG ON SLOOPY, DON'T GO INTO THE LIGHT.... |
Feb 27, 2008 7:59 pm
Mood: Deflated, 4159 Views |  | I was maybe 3 at the time, but I can still smell that stinky wet dog odor, his one remaining ear torn and droopy, eye popped out, the other gone... not quite three legs left, one was kinda a stump... there he laid with his stubby tail wagging...
The car screeched to a stop and up Sloopy popped, he'd been playing possum, that's how he drew them in, they thought they'd hit him, that's how he played the game...
By the time I was four that ol' mutt had already been hit 8 or 9 times, he didn't always win this game he played, he liked to chew on tires... sometimes tires chewed on him, hence the missing body parts...
The mailman found him, alongside the road, curled up in the shade, Sloopy went to sleep and never woke up... doing what he loved to do...
Do you remember your first pet? |
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41 Comments | |
| EWWW... YOU'RE MY SISTER |
Feb 26, 2008 7:43 pm
Mood: shrinkage, 4978 Views |  | Jeff is snowed-in in Marion. Today he couldn’t get anything done because they got about 12 inches of snow. Only supposed to get about an inch tomorrow, so he’ll be busy.
The house is full with him, his mom, his sis, and her two sons, not to mention the four cats. Sis walked in on him while in the bathroom, and said, “Ohhhhhhhhhh, it’s so small!” He said that he shoulda peed on the floor to make her clean it up.
I don’t care how it might happen, if I ever saw one of my brothers even partially naked, I would immediately erase that from my memory. There are some things you just don’t wanna know.
What about you… have you ever seen an immediate family member naked? Did ya wish ya didn’t? |
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51 Comments | |
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