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OH, BOY!!....An Historic Victory
OH, BOY!!....An Historic Victory
The change from Summer to Fall always triggers alot of memories in me. The changing colors of the leaves, the fragile and chilly feeling in the air and the approaching holidays combine to remind me of important events from my past. It is a nostalgic time. A time to take stock and harvest the bounty of my life. Halloween, in particular, makes me think about my childhood. I guess because it is one of the holidays truly meant for children. Sweet candy and scary stories, a combination only a child could truly apprehend.
Today I remembered the first time that I ever beat my Mom at my own game.
Living in the North the seasons are even more dramatic, and many other things change besides the leaves. Clothing for one, due to both fashion and necessity. Somber browns and rusts, muted greens and blues, and infinite shades of gray formed the new palette for our back-to-school clothes. The clothes themselves were changed; sleeves, pant's legs, and... gulp... underwear lengthened to offer more protection against the cold.
Now please don't get me wrong. I am mostly in favor of wearing underwear, except while asleep. I'd rather stick to my BVD's, and would never dream of going commando. Postal, maybe; but never commando. When I was a child, I was even more particular about my underwear. It had to be a certain brand; and the tags had to be removed, or it would drive me to distraction all day.
( Nowdays I'm lucky if I can find which waistband goes with the tattered remains of my briefs. I have to put it on seperately- usually over my shoulders; fold the fabric of the brief over it, and tie it off so the whole thing stays in place. )
Fall and Spring were secret times of dread for me. I had to change from short to long underwear in the Fall, and long to short underwear in the Spring. It took a week of pure torment for me to adapt. Imagine if you can, being acutely aware of your underwear every second of the day for a solid week.
( Those ladies wearing thongs right now, you have my highest appreciations and deepest sympathies. Thank you, and I want you to know that I also think pantylines are very sexy, too. )
Every morning I would pitch a tantrum about having to put on the long underwear. And every morning my mother would lift up my pantleg to look for the underwear's cuff over my socks. She had to be certain that she had won the battle and wouldn't be sending her only son off to freeze to death before the school bus took him to first grade. It was often below zero as we waited, and Moms will be Moms.
One morning I had a brilliant, a cunning, and a devious plan to avoid another day of itching and fidgeting. I found my Mom's scissors and snuck them into my room. Then I took that day's pair of long underwear into the closet with me, and I cut the bottom eight inches off of each leg.
( Funny, that's also where I cut my own hair about a year later. Hahaha, I just remembered that. Wow! Was she mad. Wooohweee! )
I hid the evidence under my bed, put my briefs and socks on, and put the lengths I had just cut on over my socks. Once I had my pants on, I was all set for inspection. I ran up to her and lifted my pantleg so she could witness my willful compliance. She sent me off to school with a hug. How smooth was that?
I had a wonderful day at school full of comfort and gleeful smugness. I rode the bus home happy and without a care or a single fidget. I got off the bus and ran to the front porch. As my foot hit the top step the front door opened. There stood my Mom, my modified longjohns in one hand and a belt in the other. I was busted for certain. Two thoughts in my little brain: shoulda put back the scissors, and shoulda staged a convincing tantrum. Woe is me.
A raging blizzard is nothing compared to my Mom in full fury. Nothing can chill you to the bone and put fear in your heart faster. She stormed and threatened, but I didn't back down. Not this time. It was just too important. The stinging of a spanking would fade in an instant compared to the endless torture of wearing the wrong underwear. After an eon of deliberation, at last I triumphed. I Triumphed?
I think she was impressed by my resolve and my creativity. Or maybe she just didn't want to waste any more money on long underwear that I might cut up. It didn't matter. I had earned the right to wear the underwear of my own choosing.
She warned me, "You'll freeze to death outside!"
But the memory of my victory and the whooping I had escaped was more than enough to keep me warm.
Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde
11/30/2005 9:09 pm
i don't understand why no one posted on this blog of yours......it was adorable.....and i think everyone can relate....
i enjoyed it......and thank you for posting it