Don't have the words....  

spikeryder 49M
145 posts
7/29/2005 4:24 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Don't have the words....


I can't choose a mood for this blog...I'm feeling so many things..burning rage..utter helplessness..love... admiration...drained..inspired...

I have spent the evening (it's midnight Uk time) with my dearest friend, my soul mate...
She said she had something she needed to share with me..something about her past, that i should know..said i may never see her in the same way again, but she couldnt keep it from me any longer..
10 years ago (8 years before we met) she was in an abusuive relationship..the guy beat her and dominated her..told her she had to be with him gave her no choice...
i sat in silence and listened holding her hand she was trembling, close to tears..."there's more" she said "can you take it?"
I told her what ever she wanted to tell me i would listen and whatever she said i could never love her less..
One night he beat her bad..hurt her.(i'm having real trouble finishing this.) he her ...

She looked at me,i could see the fear of rejection in her eyes, still not crying. she said she wasn't gonna let him make her cry again..she'd done enough.(she's tough my friend)

I'm not so tough i cried, (I've started again) I held her close. then kissed her forehead..
I said thankyou for trusting me and telling me.
She said " Do you see me differently? do you think less of me?"

" I told her i saw my friend ..the same as always..i just loved her a bit more..and admired her so much"

She hugged me and cried at last...
I'm still in shock i think..It cuts me up to think of someone hurting my friend...scum like that, hurting my favorite person in the world...

I want to say she is such an inspiration, 10 years on she is a mother of two beautiful children by a husband who loves her. No matter how far down you get pushed, if you have the strength you can fight your way into the light...

PS The scum bag commited suicide in prison..I cowards death for a worthless piece of shit...

freetime648 52F

7/30/2005 12:18 am

Spike, you are a very lucky person. First, for being able to listen and extend that ear, as many people cannot, and two for being the one she chose to tell. She is a very lucky woman indeed in having you as her friend. And I wish her the best in the world, after all that she deserves it and she deserves you!


xx FREETIME648 xx


spikeryder 49M

7/30/2005 6:33 am

freetime [/pink]
Thanks for that..i wasn't sure if i should blog that..but i had to get it out..without breaking trust..no one here knows her so her secret is safe.
I feel lucky to know her we really are soul mates (it's not a sexual thing). We can look at each other and understand things without speaking..i guess the best way to discribe it is that we must feel how twins feel..we know each other inside out..I always sensed there was a pain deep inside her and that one day it would come out.
She has seen me through relationship breakups, deperession, redundancy and illness...never judging just giving constant support and the love of a true friend..you are so right am so lucky to have her..i love her like i can't discribe nothing could change that..


freetime648 52F

7/30/2005 6:46 pm

Spikeryder....hang on to all of it. No matter what may come of things...you have a love that is very rare...and personally, I like that!!! It is special ...very special!


xx FREETIME648 xx


BLONDENEEDSSEX 57F

8/8/2005 10:11 pm

To be is one of the most awful things a woman has to go through,if you visit my blog , my story is there, What makes the difference is having a friend like you,to not think any less of us , that is sometimes were our strength come from.


spikeryder 49M

8/9/2005 8:27 am

BLONDENEEDSSEX
I read your blog it's very moving and heartfelt, I will be returning, and i urge others to view it too
I couldn't think less of a friend for something someone else did to them. As for the friend in question I think MORE of her for telling me and trusting me. She is such a grounded, fun loving person...so not a victim. She has shown her worth, by having a family, of a husband who loves her and 2 beautiful children.
The treated her as property, as nothing..She showed she is something, the most wonderful of all things..a loving mother, and a true friend.

I realise a man may not be able to trully understand how a woman feels after being . All we can really do is offer our love and support.


Become a member to create a blog