Scar Tissue  

rm_songbird5419 62F
301 posts
8/20/2006 7:13 pm

Last Read:
2/9/2007 12:26 pm

Scar Tissue

I have plenty of it...I suspect more than I really want to know about...at least not all at once. I suppose knowing how I grew all this stuff will help me to excise it and be done with it.

I know I've made two bad choices in marriage. I think I've finally figured out a little of why I made those choices. It doesn't make me happy, but it is what it is. I've made a pact with myself to never settle again...for any reason...least of all security. Not emotional security...I never had that with either marriage....but good ol' financial security. I'm not sure why I did that, not once but twice for pete's sake!

I know I've developed protective walls around me that I struggle with every day to keep them from getting any higher than they already are. I don't want them anymore. Is that enough to get rid of them? I hope so but time will tell.

I have feelings of inadequacy fairly often and I don't like what those feelings do to me. They make me defensive and aggressive and that isn't pretty. I know I'm very intelligent, very talented, reasonably attractive, and pretty fun to be around most of the time. When those days come when I'm not so fun, I just keep to myself so I don't piss off anyone unnecessarily! So why the hell do I need to keep reminding myself that folks really do like me just cuz I'm me?

I have moments of immense sadness when I remember a particular lover who is no longer in my life. After nearly 2 years, I was finally able to cry for him a few weeks ago. Thank you J for letting me do that. You have no idea how much it meant to me...then and now and always. That scar tissue seems to be diminishing now. It's time.

I see this product on the shelf at the pharmacy...it's meant to make scars disappear or at least become less noticable. I wonder if they make that for my kind of scars? I want them to go away...I don't need them anymore...they're impeding progress!!

Somebody gimme a band-aid!!!!!



If you are strong and push through the pain and the fear, you often find that happiness is waiting for you on the other side.


rm_MrSmiles6969 49M
5 posts
2/7/2007 3:01 am

Scars, the ones that don't show, deep in the valleys of memories and emotions heal not by some magic snake oil elixir. Finding friends, special ones, gradually crumbles the bricks in the walls that defend us from hurt and betrayal.The vision of the wonderful warmth that comes with trust and love can then be glimpsed on the other side! Or so I hope! For me, much of the mortar holding those bricks fast is still moist, but I cling to the knowledge that special friends are entering my life. The hope that these walls can be breached by the caring hands of good friends prevents fires within from being reduced to ash. Thank you!


rm_songbird5419 replies on 2/7/2007 4:57 am:
I'm glad you have special friends coming into your life. That's so important!

happycharmer 56M
1 post
2/5/2007 7:33 am

I appreciate your vunerability.


rm_songbird5419 replies on 2/5/2007 10:43 am:
Thanks!!

rm_angelshell 50F
6 posts
8/28/2006 3:40 pm

Scars hmmmmmmmmmm. I've had many of scars in my life. Most very easily put behind because I knew that is what I had to do, and by doing so made me a better person. The real reason I decided to respond to this post, is because the biggest scars from my life,,,,,,I turned into beautiful memories,,,,,my tattoo's. I have three, and each one has a VERY specific meaning and memory. I'm not saying that this is what people should do, just saying its what I did to heal those scars.

Songie,,,,,,much luck and best wishes,,,,,ya know I love ya


rm_songbird5419 replies on 8/28/2006 7:02 pm:
Yes I know you love me...me too you!! I'm not a tatoo kinda gal, but I think I get your point. I think I internalize too much.

Thanks

catkit13 66F

8/24/2006 9:10 pm

i know that my own scars can bring tears and smiles at the same time, just as so many memories do - i also know that the pain can fade, and so it will . . . in its own time
another part of this journey we call life
wishing you the best, cat


rm_songbird5419 replies on 8/25/2006 1:46 pm:
I have to keep reminding myself about the journey part. Even when the pain fades, sometimes the scar tissue is still there...once again impeding progress.

Thanks

bill_e_2 72M  
811 posts
8/23/2006 8:37 pm

I also have some scars and I have a memory(some good, some bad) about each scar. They are a part of me and I've learned to live with them.


rm_songbird5419 replies on 8/24/2006 1:52 pm:
I think we all have some sort of scars and yes, I know I have to learn to live with them. I would like them to stop huring, but I suppose that will come with time.

Thanks

rm__Reality_ 105F
67 posts
8/21/2006 8:39 am

*S* you did ask me today, soon, it'll happen soon. It takes "us stoic New Englanders" awhile.

You don't need anymore bandaids my friend, bandaids merely cover up. You are well on your way, those wounds, exposed to air and light heal and the scar tissue left fades with time.


rm_songbird5419 replies on 8/21/2006 10:23 am:
You're right...as usual!! I'll leave the band-aids on the shelf and let the air and light do their work. I stumble often, but with a little help from my friends....*S*

AstirRelicLatah 64M
1993 posts
8/21/2006 5:54 am

What a beautiful post. There is a saying that when the pupil is ready, a teacher appears. My guess this is the best medicine for your scars, be ready for the teacher to appear. There's a lot in the post that's also true for me. Thanks.


rm_songbird5419 replies on 8/21/2006 6:32 am:
I think my teachers have already begun to do their work. I have benefitted from the loving help of one amazing friend in particular and I only hope she's been able to cry too. I haven't asked her lately. I think I'll do that today. I seem to have acquired another teacher as well only this time in the form of a wonderful lover who has begun to take me places I never dreamed of going. I think more of this scar tissue will fade before too long. *S* Thank you!

Become a member to create a blog