the anatomy of a rather obtuse phone call  

somethingelse40 74M
2738 posts
3/13/2006 9:58 pm

Last Read:
7/8/2006 10:58 am

the anatomy of a rather obtuse phone call

What's a ten-inch dick?

the rather long anatomy of a rather certain obtuse phone call

“Addie! Lutie! I declare Just wait till I tell you about this odd call I got on the telephone. Mandy and Sister weren’t home. They’ve gone to play Scrabble at Mattie Lena’s, and I thought one of the nephews was just pranking around. So I called Bob and asked him the question because he’s the biggest tease of all of Beulah’s boys, and he just acted real strange and told me to [just] keep quiet until I talked about the call with Sister and Mandy, but they’re not home and I saw you all [y’all for short] all sitting on the porch and thought I’d come ask you.”

Lutie regarded a bean to see if it was a shelly or still worthy of being snapped. “Sally Strickland, calm down and quit talking so fast. Land sakes, nobody can make [any sense a’tall] {mere unleashed editorial savvy of course} of what you’re talking about [talkin’, for short]. What did you call Bob and ask him? Take everything one step at a time and tell it as you go.”

Miss Sally pulled her lips in and pushed them out real quick several times as if she had been eating fig preserves and wanted to get the seeds out of her teeth without using a fingernail. “Well, I called Bob and he like to never answered the phone. Was out in the yard at his dog pen, I guess. When he said hello, I said this [is] Aunt Sally, and he said, ‘Yes, ma’am;’ all of Beulah’s boys are real polite, you know. And then I asked him, ‘Bob, what’s a ten-inch dick?’ And he dropped the phone. I know he did, for they’ve got theirs hanging on the wall in the kitchen, and I could tell it had fallen all the way into the sink. And from the amount of racket it made, Anne had gone off to play bridge and left the dinner dishes dirty again. I declare, I believe girls that smoke are the sloppiest housekeepers in the world. Bill’s wife plays bridge now and then, but she doesn’t smoke and her house is neat as a pin; you could eat off the floor”

Lutie still held the shelly in her hand but she was not looking at it. “Mamie Kate,” she said, “what are you reading, honey?”

When no answer was forthcoming, Miss Addie assured Lutie, “She’s lost to the world and a thousand miles away. She taught herself to read when she was four and keeps her nose in some book all the time.” Miss Addie had let the newspaper in her lap slip and some of her beans and strings fell on the floor. She leaned over the arm of her rocker to retrieve them.

Lutie pursued the subject. “Land’s sake, Sally Strickland, I don’t blame the boy for dropping the phone. Whatever in the world made you ask a question like that in the first place and what did poor Bob say?”

Miss Sally was twisting her rings. Mamie Kate made a silent vow that when she got that old she would pass her rings on to somebody young and pretty who would enjoy them. Miss Sally always had old teacake dough crammed in between the prongs, and her diamonds looked dulled.

Well, I thought the line had gone dead or something, for he was such a long time answering; so I asked him again. ‘What’s a ten-inch dick?’ I said. And he took a long breath and said, ‘Aunt Sally, I don’t know and that’s God’s truth.’ Then he told me not to ask anybody else till his Aunt Mandy and Aunt Sister got home. But I didn’t want to wait that long. So I called Sister Maude’s son, Wade Hampton, who’s ten years older that Bob, and knows everything. He sounded real gruff and said, ‘There ain’t no such thing. Get off the phone!' Will you ladies please tell me what’s going on around here?”

Mamie Kate carefully turned a page in “The Princess and Curdie” just in case Miss Addie might be watching her. She could always go back and find her place.

Lutie said, “Tell us exactly what happened on the telephone, Sally Strickland! Then maybe we can help you.”

Stay tuned … Better yet: go shoplifting, or borrow a copy from your own sister and forget to return it!

Credits: [mercilessly digested and thoroughly indigested rather verbatim from a rather nastily annotated and dog-eared paperback of the perhaps somewhat immortal, yet perhaps somewhat immoral Monsieur Ferrol Sams, indubitably ensconced in his “Fulfillment,” a rather short, short story (perhaps a bit too short, … perhaps way too long, huh?) indubitably extracted from “The Widow’s Mite & Other Stores”, pp. 78-100, without express permission of course (written, oral, or otherwise), you bet your sweet sui generis. Perhaps if we will merely only somehow but agree to purchase all extant no doubt incredibly dust covered hardly ever read anymore rather ostensibly duped and pulped copies, perhaps the powers that be will somehow find in their seemingly somewhat perverted hearts and wallets to extend a roving hand of mercy, or perhaps we could just throw money at ‘em?]



florallei 99F

7/8/2006 10:12 am

Hello,

I know some women like this...non stop babble ...continiuos jabbering...about nothing and everything...now a 10" dick sounds very scarey...is it what one would call good pain?
Flo


somethingelse40 replies on 7/8/2006 11:09 am:
I hope I never find out. Don’t know if Miss Sally ever found out or not. Nevertheless I concur with your appraisal. Yet is could be nice to feel something that we both feel very intimately.

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