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One Foot outta da Monkey Cage!!
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Aug 23, 2009 7:28 pm
4184 Views
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Dear Abby … How’s this for a really holesome A F F profile/date?
Somewhat irreverently nicked principally from sweetbaby
I'm an emotionally retarded 35 year old hottie seeking a mentally disturbed shut-in (that would be you) for mutual psychological mind games and co-dependency. I will become coolly hostile if you don't fulfill my every unmet need. I enjoy drinking, smoking, lesbian porn, and self-righteous indignation. I have minimal intelligence but try to appear smarter by memorizing useless facts.
I like going out but have trouble removing my ankle tag. For me, a perfect night would include getting hammered in a shit-hole bar and driving around the red light district looking for hookers selling valium and smack. You could come with me. If you're not interested in a relationship I would be open to an unsatisfying fling that leaves me filled with regret and distaste. Please respond only if you're serious...
NB: I'm not even original. I nicked the above paragraph from a certain quaint whore who also hangs out here from time to time. But I'm justifying my blatant thievery by saying it's an almost perfect description of moi, and I probably would have ended up writing it at some point if she hadn't beat me to it.
My Ideal Person:
I'm not particularly looking for anything from this site, I just like hanging out here and chatting and blogging with the friends I've already made.
I mean that. Really.
If I wanted to get laid that bad I'd rather go out on the town of an evening and jiggle my boobies at the first guy I liked the look of. It's both quicker and easier than exchanging emails for a fortnight and then finding out you're on antipsychotic medication and haven't left your house in six months.
Dear Abby … Should I accept or hold out for better terms?
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19
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How the Train Left the Station
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Aug 21, 2009 5:56 am
3899 Views
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What the voices in my head told me to come and talk to you about...
Somewhat irreverently garnered principally from the Origin of Consciousness myth
in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind
by Julian Jaynes (obviously a simi-bicamerial mind)
In this book, Jaynes theorizes that ancient consciousness was radically different from modern consciousness. He suggests that ancient human beings had no sense of an interior, self-directing self. Rather, they accepted commands from what appeared to them to be an externalized agency, which they obeyed blindly, without question.
This externalized self was a consequence of the split between the two halves of the brain. Jaynes suggests that the left and right brains were not integrated–unicameral–the way they are today. Rather, the ancient brain was bicameral, with the two brains working essentially independently of each other. The left half of the brain, the logical, language-using half, generated half-baked ideas and commands, which the right brain then obeyed. These commands were subjectively perceived by the right brain as coming from outside–as if a god was speaking.
Jaynes adduces evidence for this astonishing hypothesis from several sources. One is the voices heard by schizophrenic patients, which Jaynes interprets as a throwback to the bicameral mind of ancient times. Another is evidence from neurosurgery, where patients hear "voices" upon having their brains electrically stimulated. Another is the polytheistic gods of ancient civilizations, which spoke directly and intimately to individuals:
"Who then were these gods who pushed men about like robots and sang epics through their lips? They were voices whose speech and directions could be as distinctly heard by the Iliadic heroes as voices are heard by certain epileptic and schizophrenic patients...The gods were organizations of the central nervous system"(73-4).
Jaynes suggests that each person had his own individual god, which always told them what to do. The theory further accounts for why the gods were so naturalistic and anthropomorphic, rather than supernatural and otherworldly.
Where did the gods go, then? Jaynes proposes that a series of unprecedented environmental stresses in the second millennium B.C. forced the two halves of the brain to merge into unicamerality. (This was a cultural, rather than a biological, transformation, Jaynes notes.) The stresses might have included natural disasters (the story of the Flood comes to mind), population growth, forced migrations, warfare, trade, and the development of writing. A common denominator among all these is the introduction of complexity and difference, things the bicameral mind deals with only with difficulty. Jaynes suggests, among other things, that traders in contact with other cultures might have been forced to develop a protosubjective consciousness" to cope with the gods of unfamiliar people.
Jaynes suggests that the unprecedented stresses of the 2nd millennium B.C. forced the individual into isolation, within which a sense of I-ness appeared to fill the void left by the inadequacy of the god. This hypothesis posits a relatively homogeneous and stress-free existence prior to the development of consciousness. In short, Jaynes must posit that there really was an Eden, from which humanity Fell.
To establish the gods' disappearance, Jaynes cites a number of illustrations and cuneiform tablets dating from Sumerian times. He shows a stone-carven image of the King of Assyria kneeling in supplication before an empty throne, from which his god is conspicuously absent. The accompanying cuneiform script reads,
One who has no god, as he walks along the street,
Headache envelopes him like a garment.
Another tablet reads:
My god has forsaken me and disappeared,
My goddess has failed me and keeps at a distance.
The good angel who walked beside me has farted and departed.
Jaynes interprets this as evidence of a new subjectivity in Mesopotamia. The bicameral mind has begun to collapse into the modern unicameral mind of the self-willed, self-aware, trinity, me, myself, and I, and as a consequence the gods no longer speak to people, as they did in the days of old (223).
These lamentations sound remarkably like the nam-shubs mentioned in Snow Crash.
The nam-shubs also mourn something precious, and speak of confusion and loss. It is not at all hard to guess that the loss of bicameral tranquility may have been accompanied by unprecedented linguistic disruption (irrespective of any causal relationship between the two.) The Tower of Babel story–which the nam-shubs strongly resemble–may have happened at a time when bicamerality was breaking down.
Be this historical truth or not (and the thesis has not been widely accepted), Jaynes has fashioned a brilliant myth of human origins. Like the authors of Snow Crash and Macroscope, Jaynes reaches far back into the past for an authentic story of a Fall from wholeness. And like them, he reaches specifically for Mesopotamian myth.
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10 Health Benefits of Having Sex
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Aug 8, 2009 5:29 am
2691 Views
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The word is out -- sex can be great for your health in more ways than you can imagine.
Looking for the secret to a better quality of life, or longer life? Some of us think the answer lies in a bottle of herbal pills, a better diet, or more aerobic exercise. Few of us would think sex could have the same benefits. But according to research, sex does much more than satisfy desire - it can have a significant impact on your health and increase your lifespan. Check out these 10 health benefits of sex:
1. Better overall health. According to a survey carried out by the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP), healthy individuals are more likely to engage in sexual activity. Forty-four percent of people who described their health as excellent or very good had intercourse at least once a week. Only 20 percent of people with fair or poor health engaged in sex this often.
2. Lower risk of cardiovascular problems. A study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health revealed that having sex at least twice a week lowered the risk of a fatal heart attack by 50 percent for men, compared to men who had sex less than once a month.
3. Weight maintenance or loss. Skipped your daily jog or step class? You'll be happy to know that sex also helps you to burn calories and give your muscles a workout. In an episode of the The Doctors television show called "Why You Need Sex", doctors suggested that 60 minutes of moderate sex over the course of a week can burn up to 100 calories.
4. Stronger immune system. Colds, flu and other infections take a toll on our bodies, leading to a variety of symptoms - from mild to severe. Sex can help to lower your risk of disease. Just having sex once or twice a week can increase by 30 percent your levels of immunoglobulin A (IgA), an antigen that plays a significant role in destroying disease-causing agents that enter your body.
5. Lower blood pressure and pain. When you have sex your body releases the hormone, oxytocin. Dr. Ray Sahelian, an authority on hormone research points out that oxytocin lowers blood pressure and makes you less sensitive to pain.
6. Reduced stress. A study published in Biological Psychology assessed people who kept a journal of their sexual activity - penile-vaginal intercourse (PV , masturbation, or other forms of sex without intercourse - during periods of acute stress. People who had PVI sex were less stressed and their blood pressure returned to normal faster than the other two groups.
7. Better sleep. Many people report that sex improves their sleep, and it's the stuff of folklore that men usually fall asleep right after sexual intercourse. It may be down to relaxing hormones that are released during sex. However, sex also uses up energy so you're more likely to feel tired afterwards and need those 40 winks.
8. Lower risk of prostate cancer. Men who have five or more ejaculations per week while in their 20s cut their risk of prostate cancer by a third. Also, 21 or more ejaculations per month are linked to a lower risk of this cancer in older men, compared to men who have only four to seven ejaculations per month.
9. Healthier sexual organs. Sexual activity increases the flow of blood to male and female genitalia. Women's vaginal muscles also stretch and contract during sex, which makes them stronger.
10. Improved self-esteem. Researchers at the University of Texas at Austin conducted a comprehensive study on why people have sex. They discovered 237 reasons, which included boosting self-esteem.
Study References
Journal: Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health, Vol. 56(2) pp. 99-102
Study Date: February 2002
Study Name: Sexual intercourse and risk of ischaemic stroke and coronary heart disease: the Caerphilly study
Website: http://Adult FriendFinder.com;jsessionid=KH1B1V0bnY4ljxcQQXQh6gf1nQxwxG3yRhc71JhjbcVjJk44n8ln!-634287438!181195629!8091!-1
Author(s): Ebrahim, S.; May, M; Ben Shlomo; McCarron, P.; Frankel, S.; Yarnell, J.; Davey Smith, G.
Journal: Biological Psychology, Vol. 71, Issue 2, pp 214-222
Study Date: February 2006
Study Name: Blood pressure reactivity to stress is better for people who recently had penile-vaginal intercourse than for people who had other or no sexual activity
Website: http://Adult FriendFinder.com=ArticleURL&_udi=B6T4T-4GD4SRW-2&_user=10&_coverDate=02%2F28%2F2006&_rdoc=11&_fmt=high&_orig=browse&_srch=doc-info(%23toc%234983%232006%23999289997%23614929%23FLA%23display%23Volume)&_cdi=4983&_sort=d&_docanchor=&view=c&_ct=12&_acct=C000050221&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=10&md5=b6d97e25064e16166537e1e00a7baede
Author(s): Stuart Brody
Updated: July 6, 2009 Copyright © 2009 QualityHealth.com. All rights reserved.
 arty:
By Andrea Neblett
Reviewed by QualityHealth's Medical Advisory Board ‒ seconded by somethingelse40.
Obviously a new day has been given to experience that which we desire…
Please surrender now before I have to offer you better terms.
#253.
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12
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CASH FOR CLUNKERS!!
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Aug 6, 2009 9:32 am
2646 Views
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A BETTER IDEA...
Give everybody enough CASH and/or GOLD so they can afford a CLUNKER after their 'CLUNKERS FOR CASH' deal gets repossessed.
P.S. As soon as I get enough coffee in me I'm taking my CLUNKER to the local dealer for evaluation purposes. Hopefully that means a complete estimate. Realistically I suspect a rip-off on top of a scam.
P.P.S. My CLUNKER died twice yesterday without prior notice, leaving nothing but an ambiguous engine light--once while out on a country road and again at a stop light in town, and my CLUNKER is only a 2005.
P.P.P.S. Isn't it strange how many of our secret sensitivities are the same as those of everybody else?
#2689.
P.P.P.P.S. Send us your photo: We're searching for the world’s clunkiest clunker.
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6
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KISS ME CRAZY!!
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Aug 1, 2009 5:41 pm
2527 Views
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The Coupling Of Passion And Erotic Lusts.
A touch of skin soft and slippery,
With the hint of sweat.
We fought our resistance beneath the cool breeze,
As the air flowed from the fan above.
Eyes met briefly and begged for the chance,
To abandon all of our uncertainties.
You began your work on my chops,
Probing gently as if drawing lust,
From a deep well of longing and need.
Then heated tongues met in the midst,
Of hot and quickening breath.
And greedily we drank the wine of our bones.
Then intoxicated with those spirits,
Our clothes found resting place on the floor.
Piece by piece,
Until there were no hiding places,
For the two glistening and wanting bodies.
Hunger revealed in this hot moment.
Then skin meshed with skin,
As the floor became the stage.
You moved atop of me easily,
And lowered yourself gently.
Kissing me as I was filled with you.
As a gasp broke the kiss,
Your hands stroked the stray strands,
Away from my forehead, then became entangled.
Our slow rhythm gave way,
To urgent and demanding thrusts of passion,
As I arched my body for your comfort,
And you threw me into ecstasy,
With the strength of your blows.
You left me screaming and soaked,
In oblivion again and again,
As you growled my name from the back of your throat,
And our bodies both demanded more,
Each giving to the other,
High on the fluids of foreign substance.
I grasped, then released you,
Grasped then released you,
In effort to relieve you of your control.
The taste of your skin between my lips,
Was like no other.
To hear your cry of mercy,
When my teeth met your warm skin,
Was more breathtaking than you knew.
Yet I still released the control to you.
As you wound your hands in my hair,
And pulled until the flesh on my neck was taut,
You moved with one final and breaking blow,
Forcing our way to the peaks of bliss,
Leaving our screams to echo on like battle cries.
I welcomed the weight of you to crush me,
As you collapsed on top of me,
Still hot and burning,
And I glowing like an ember,
Casting a welcome light,
Should you wish my gifts again.
by Temptress
(slightly altered and seconded by guess who)
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7
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Please let me know if you have any luv that's going to waste.
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Apr 20, 2009 4:19 pm
2676 Views
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possibly snatched |
The fact that I'm not exactly what you're looking for may be more your fault than mine.
#2046.
None of my wounds require more TLC than those I've inflicted on myself.
#3178.
I live in a world of my own, but visitors are always welcome.
#463.
Doing what I want to do usually requires getting something I haven't got.
#3357.
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7
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I want to dominate ~ to whom should I apply for permission?
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Apr 18, 2009 3:15 am
2650 Views
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possibly snatched |
How can so many things I've no more use for still have so much meaning for me?
#2783.
Why is it that my worst dreams are those which most closely resemble real life?
#3250.
Doing what I want to do usually requires getting something I haven't got.
#3357.
Why are the most difficult questions always the ones that begin with Why?
#5786.
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3
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Your application for luv and understanding is currently being processed.
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Apr 16, 2009 2:12 am
2668 Views
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possibly snatched |
I've found the secret of happiness ‒ but it’s a secret.
#389?
If you suspect everything, you could be wasting many suspicions on innocent things.
#2216.
Would you care to drift aimlessly in my direction?
#88.
If some new luv doesn't arrive soon, I may have to dip into my reserve supply.
#4846.
I hope your recurring dreams are the kind you like to go back to.
#3272.
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7
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By using your intelligence, you can sometimes make your problems twice as complicated.
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Apr 15, 2009 6:36 am
2591 Views
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intelligence
possibly snatched |
There's nothing wrong with intelligence, but where does it lead?
#150?
In an orderly world, there's always a place for the disorderly.
#893.
Nobody ever comes out of an open mind voluntarily.
#4811?
Why is there no monument to the unknown mind?
#3892.
I'd like to show you who's boss, but am afraid it would only confirm my better intelligence.
#3007?
Would that all the good things happen while I'm still here.
#2340?
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8
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Wanted
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Apr 14, 2009 1:28 am
2731 Views
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possibly snatched
A F F SUCKS & SMELLS
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What is the best lubricant for a life that's not running very smoothly?.
#3305.
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8
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Two dimes worth of indifference in consideration for a miraculous A F F paradigm shift!!
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Apr 12, 2009 7:50 am
2596 Views
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possibly snatched |
Step right up Friends and place your two dimes into the A F F paradigm/shift/works, and/or hope for the best–as it were, simulating perhaps and/or assimilating two coins in a bliss fountain.
In fact, Anyone who lives and/or breaths art knows that psychoanalysis has no monopoly on the power to heal … and/or enlighten. … Art and poetry, and/or POT-SHOTS, of course, have always been altering our ways of seeing and feeling - that is to say, altering the human paradigm.
~Norman O. Brown (perhaps slightly altered in a two-dime shift).
Luv is famous for conquering obstacles, yet, when we seek to communicate with our nearest and dearest, it is luv itself which only too often gets in the way. Those with whom we are involved most deeply turn out to be those whom it is also hardest to fathom, or be fathomed by. No two hearts (spades, diamonds, or clubs) speak the same language, and the murmurs of one, even when they manage to be heard by some other heart, invariably lose something in translation.
But the picture is not totally bleak. With courage and determination, it is sometimes possible to pierce the luv barrier and achieve at least some rudimentary degree of mutual comprehension. This can be a dangerous undertaking, because the fabric of luv is at certain points extremely fragile. But those who have taken the risk, and succeeded in penetrating a partner’s mind to deposit a significant thought, describe the experience in ecstatic terms.
For the rest of us, however (constituting, alas, the vast majority of human kind ‒ and/or A F F) communication with the beluved, as exhaustively documented, as you can no doubt see, right here in this very Post, is for the most part considerably less than rapturous. Only too often, indeed, it must be limited to banalities and trivia, or else (as a last resort) conducted through the offices of some supposedly neutral third party, such as the family cat.
01. Distances can be deceptive ~ sometimes when I'm close to you, I find you're very far from me.
#5622.
02. Now that we're in luv, what happens next?
#5202.
03. Please attract me!
#18.
04. Your luv would be a nice place to get lost in, and never find the way out.
#757.
05. You were meant for me … perhaps as punishment.
#1471.
06. Your application for luv and understanding is currently being processed.
#271.
07. In order to retain the title, a luver must keep luvin’.
#1540.
08. How can I give you more luv without having to give you more time?
#1600.
09. If need means luv, I luv you. If luv means need, I need you.
#1890.
10. The fact that I'm not exactly what you're looking for may be more your fault than mine.
#2046.
11. You only luv me because you're afraid not to.
#2262.
12. It would take to long too explain my exact feelings about you ~ let's just call it luv.
#2390?
13. Somehow, the magic has gone out of our separation.
#2529.
14. Sharing something with you is sometimes the only thing that gives it any importance.
#4257.
15. You have the power to make me happy ~ but it's totally worthless unless you use it.
#5131.
16. You can always come back to me, but I can't promise that no questions will be asked.
#5016.
17. Have you ever considered what a rare privilege it is to be personally rejected by you.
#5107?
18. To me, you are heaven, but you are not exactly what I thought heaven would entail.
#5397?
19. The secret of being a good luver is not knowing when to stop.
#5549.
20. Nobody ever told me Luv would be such hard work.
#5754.
21. Somebody has stolen my heart ~ and you are high on my list of suspects.
#5808.
22. Either I'm yours or you're mine, … or can we have it both ways?
#5679.
23. Luv never dies a natural death.
#5767.
24. The only way to maintain our honest relationship is by concealing certain things from each other.
#6065.
25. Being number one with you is not enough ~ I want to be all the other numbers too.
#5591.
26. I need more practice in being luved.
#6059.
27. You'll never luv me enough, but at least make a start!
#5904.
28. Ever since you abandoned it, the city of my heart has been a ghost-town.
#5887.
29. None of my life makes any sense except the part where you say you luv me.
#5962.
30. You're everything I want, and, in addition, you're several things I don't want at all.
#5723.
31. The secret of our wonderful relationship is that, much of the time, it's not really so wonderful.
#5702.
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credits …
Gleaned and/or snatched principally from Chapter Four of I WANT TO REACH YOUR MIND; WERE IS IT CURRENTLY LOCATED, p. 61, a rather serious undertaking of more or less Brilliant Thoughts® by the consummate POT-SHOTIST, Dr. Ashleigh Brilliant, (Ph.D. Berkley). Incidentally, Ph.D. is not a very serious venereal disease. I checked it out already!Hopefully someday we’ll all be able to cite most of these by now somewhat hackneyed ©POT-SHOTS® merely by calling out the numbers. Until that glorious day it seems my fingers will just have to remain a little more intimately involved. More ingratiating substance than ever thought possible from the relatively unrenowned and/or considerably tacky 8th Book of ©POT-SHOTS®Chapter IV: Heart Murmurs…
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To link to this blog (somethingelse40) use [blog somethingelse40] in your messages.
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