Why does it always go this way???  

softnlush 53F
878 posts
6/22/2006 8:38 pm

Last Read:
6/29/2006 9:17 pm

Why does it always go this way???

Apparantly what I thought was going on..actually was..there is this guy..I see him every morning..he works in the building next door to my job and every morning,as I walk to my job and I pass him by,he always says "morning" and I say morning back and I go my merry way..never really thought about it,just a polite person saying "morning".

Then I noticed no matter what time I happen to be outside,having a smoke during my break or on the cell within 30 seconds of my being outside,he shows up to have a smoke and he says "hi" and I say hi back and that is that.

Then someone mentioned,that guy likes you and I am like nooooo..and she is like yea,he keeps staring at you,and I look and he turns away..fine..ok but I look at him..

He is maybe 130lbs soaking wet,his hair is kinda..well..icky and he has odd facial hair and he is tall..totally not my type at all..would never consider him in the least,not the least bit curious..

Well,today,well,he talked to me,admitted he has been wanting to (my head is screaming oh man..NO..),he is stuttering and not making eye contact and I am standing there sweating and just wanting not to have this conversation..I know it is mean,but I know I am not attracted to him,at all..sorry,just the way it is..and he said "think you would be interested in meeting me for coffee around the corner?" and I said,I am sorry,but I do not do coffee with other men..and he said,"of course you have a boyfriend,right?" and I said,yea I do..I lied..I lied..shit,but I am not good at this stuff..shallow?? superficial? maybe so,and maybe I have no right to feel that way,being I am far from model material,but I know what I am not attracted to and I am not attracted to his type..tall and way too skinny and weird hair and facial hair that looks well,not well kept..he is also young,very young..I got his age out of him,made a joke about being old enuf to be his mom and he was like..no way..I am 23..um yes way..if I had a child at 18..yes I could be your mom..he laughed and said it was ok and wished me a fond day and I did the same..but I feel bad..not bad enough to go have coffee with him,but I feel bad that he put himself out there and I turned him down.

So,how would you have handled it??


rm_MisterFrumpy 46M
428 posts
6/22/2006 9:18 pm

you like what you like, no need to feel bad about it. feel good about the fact that you arent so much of an asshole that you COULD say what you were thinking.

how would i handle it? well if a guy came up and said he liked me i'd say..umm thanks! and wander away lol

rm_JohnMacLaine 50M
585 posts
6/22/2006 10:13 pm

No need to be ashamed of how you handled it hun, you did good. You let him down easy, without telling him how you really feel and hurting the poor guy's feelings. Chances are he will never see you outside of work, and although you may feel bad about lying to him, you did the best thing under the circumstances. I know you well enough that you take peoples feelings into consideration, and you should be commended for how you handled it.

Besides, if you want to be technical, FWB could be considerd a "boyfriend" and there is no lie in that.

I would have probably handled it similarly. In fact I have had to use it on occasion, so it is not as bad as you think.


"I can retain neither respect or affection for a government which has been moving from wrong to wrong in order to defend its own immorality" Mahatma Ghandi

1Sir_Lancelot 59M

6/23/2006 12:32 am

I agree with John, you handled it just fine. You wern't rude or cruel to him and I'd be willing to bet that after he found out your age even he would have to agree that the age difference was too great.

LookandWink 63M

6/23/2006 1:59 am

I agree ... There was no point in telling him what you were thinking. He would have crawled into a hole and died. This way you can still tell him good morning and he keeps his confidence up by thinking that you were just not available.

I speak for all of us guys who have sometimes gotten that verbal slap in the face when asking someone pretty out for coffee, when I say I thank you ~snl~!

Xeryien 51M
1445 posts
6/23/2006 6:43 am

You did great. Thats why they are called "White Lies" there are told to save face, or help him save face. He obviously had taken quite awhile to build up his courage to ask you to coffee and you didn't rip him apart, you let him down easy without shredding his ego apart.

For all the guys out there with fragile egos, "Thank you!"

Lioness_girl 45F
3494 posts
6/24/2006 2:28 pm

SNL, I know what you mean. I have a guy at work who is lusting after me and I've had to tell him I am not interested enough times. He still lusts after me, but I did tell him that I was not availabe.

I'll let him lust after me if he wants. We are just friends and he knows it too.

I think you handled that situation well. I always take other's feelings into consideration when trying to turn a person down without making them feel embarrassed or stupid.


Come have fun! Visit my blog at Lioness_girl

heavensent11236 52F

6/29/2006 9:15 am

I think you handeled it perfectly, if your not interested your not interested, simple as that. There was no point in hurting the guys feelings by saying the truth, I always knew you had a big heart and this just proves it.

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