The Romantic Movie Thread reminded me......  

softnlush 53F
878 posts
2/16/2006 7:56 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

The Romantic Movie Thread reminded me......

We had a thread on the TASA boards about romantic movies and one of mine is "The Bridges of Madison County"..That movie made me remember a love I had that was so strong and so heartwrenching that I never thought anyone could love like this..ever..but I did..and I want to share that..

When the movie came out I thought I was in love a few times in my life,of course after the end comes and time passes you realize perhaps you did indeed love them,but it was not that all knowing,cannot live without them kind of passion. I related to the film as most women,wishing for that kind of love..then I found it.

It was with My Sir,I loved that man like no other,I probably will never love anyone like I loved him..I am still in love with him..I cannot love another like him..I do not want to.

The part of the film which I can relate to was the scene in the rain,she is in the truck with her husband after spending 4 days with the man who is truly her love..that man is in the truck ahead of them and they are at a stop light..she see's him wrap her necklace that she gave him around his rearview mirror,he touches it as he touched her heart,she is watching this and grips the door handle,turning it,fighting herself,using every ounch of strength not to open that door,and fly out of this truck into HIS truck to go where she does not know to love a man she was destined for. Her lover waits,the light turns green he stil waits,knowing probably this battle she is fighting and hoping his truck door will open and he will be able to take her away..that does not happen,he finally makes the turn and she stays with her husband,she is falling apart and husband takes notice,but she just needs a minute to gain her composure..just a minute as she weeps for her last chance..they get home and she crumbles in the pantry..

The day came when I had to leave the man I was not for another man,it was not that kind of choice I had to was living my life with this man and ultimately losing any sense of security due to his health and the loss of intimacy..or leaving and trying to start all over again with nothing..and with tears and kisses and crying and hugs..with hysterics and begging I left our home,the day I left he took me to the airport..I remember falling into him as we waited telling him "we are making a mistake I feel it,we are going to lose what we have once I get on this plane" and he taking my face into his hands and kissing my tears and telling me,"if I truly love you I cannot want this life for you" "if I truly love you I cannot be selfish and keep you here knowing I have nothing to offer you any longer"..I remember his words..I remember the feeling of actually feeling my heart break,it was not sharp it was a slow throb of ache,the only way I can describe it..I am crying now because it is coming back so clearly..then they announce my flight and I stood up and immediatly crumbled again and he caught me before I hit the ground.."I love you so much I cannot take this if I do not go right now I will never leave" and he held me and said "don't leave" and then caught himself I remember feeling confusion..then he smiled and said.."I do not want you to leave,but you have to are still young enough to find love and have babies and have everything you deserve..I cannot give those things to you,I wanted to,I wish I could..but I can't and I cannot look at you anymore and not feel like I have held you have to go"..and he walked me as far as he could,since he worked for the airport he was able to walk me to the plane,it was cold that day and he kissed me long,soft and I felt my tears freeze on my face and I turned and walked up the stairs..I turned around right before I went in the door and I saw him just staring..not walking away..not waving..then the door closed..I had a window seat and I looked for him and there he was,just standing there and I saw him wipe his eyes and then I remember feeling..the engine has not started I can ask to get off this life is standing out side of this plane and I do not want any other one..and when I decided to finally just get off the plane..the engine started and me began to move and I cried my heart out..the attendant came to me and I just spilled my guts..she brought me tissues and since the plane was not too busy she sat with me a little..and tried to calm me down..

When I finally arrived at the hotel in Alberta (since I had to nonstop service for the NW territories to Pennsylvania ha ha)I called him..I said..I can stop right here..I can try to change my ticket..I cannot do this without you..I have to know..he said, have to move on..and I said,ok..I am going home..and I cried myself to sleep and tried to remember what I had to do..I had to move on..I had to be away from him..I had to be ok and I had to be strong..but I wasn't ok and I wasn't strong..

When I got to Pennsylvania I decided I needed to go to NY for abit and thankfully my friend was ok with that and they drove me to my brothers..and I called him again when I arrived..and I told him..I will not love another..I want you I wanted to be your wife I still do and he said I want that to and when he said those words ..which now in retro spect was the worst thing he did..I knew I could continue to love him even though we were no longer living together,I knew I could hope things would change and for 2 years (and I saw him a few times)that is what I did..I love this man with every ounce of my being..I shut off my sexuality,I looked for no others..I did not allow myself to feel anything..I made my choice to love this man until the day one of us died..I felt because of his health he was probably not much longer for this world..and he is still very very ill..but hanging in..I finally let go of him a month ago..almost 3 yrs after I left our home..and now I miss him so much again..I am just missing him and what we had..I feel lonely..I feel unloved..I feel sad..I feel cheated..I feel like I wasted so much time grieving this relationship and I am so angry at him for hurting me this way..but I love him so purely and like no other man in my life.

The choices made for love may seem selfish at times,but in the big picture it was probably best I was probably best.

Synn74 42F
1206 posts
2/16/2006 8:36 am

* tears* my heart goes out to you..

may you heal in your own time


I welcome you to the House of Syn...

softnlush 53F

2/16/2006 10:17 am

thank you and thanks for sharing tears with is nice to know that even here..I may not be as alone as I feel..


AltumHunksUnite 53M

2/16/2006 10:33 am

I remember the night I saw that movie. All of the women were crying, and the men were just sitting there wondering what to do about it.

There was a couple in front of me, the woman crying, and her man trying to console here by suggesting that it was a fictional story and it was okay because no one really died, because it was fiction... yeah, that's it. She continued to cry.

Let me drive. I like the view

softnlush 53F

2/16/2006 10:56 am

You have to wonder then,were they crying over the movie,or did a memory come back? A woman's heart sometimes holds many many time you see a woman who perhaps is frowning,it could be she remembered a pain so profound..or a woman day dreaming at starbucks because she rememembered a love so just never know what is in the heart of a woman who was broken.

heavensent1123 52F

2/18/2006 5:38 am

I know this won't help much SNL, but maybe you aren't suppose to love another like you had with your mr. I had that kind of love once, told myself the exact same thing your said, that I'd never be able to love another like him. Maybe we aren't suppose to, but if you don't really give another person a chance you'll never know. True, it may not be the same kind of love, but who knows, maybe it will be even better but in a different kind of way.

Become a member to create a blog