Dogs and Cats...a funny I wanted to share  

softnlush 53F
878 posts
2/8/2006 7:39 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Dogs and Cats...a funny I wanted to share


8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!

9:40 a.m. A walk in the park! Rolled in some crap, then ate it...Delicious!

10:30 a.m. Getting rubbed and petted! I'm in love!

12:00 p.m. Lunch! Yummy!

1:00 p.m. Playing in the yard! I just love it!

3:00 p.m. Staring adoringly at my masters...they're the best! I'll wag my tail in joy.

4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids are home! I'm bouncing off the walls!

5:00 p.m. Milkbones! Great!

7:00 p.m. Get to play ball! This is too good to be true!

8:00 p.m. Wow! Watching TV with my master! Heavenly!

11:00 p.m. Sleeping at the bottom of my master's bed! Life is soooooooo great!


Day 683 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets .

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ''good little hunter'' I am. The audacity!!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my p ower of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and he seems more than willing to return! He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant-- I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe-- for now. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time.

I got this in email...LOVE it

Zaphed905 55M

2/8/2006 8:14 pm

But... I think that my critters are differently deranged than that. One of my dogs seems to think she's a cat. One of my cats seems to think he's a dog. They all jockey for pole position when I'm eating a bowl of ice cream. They all give me their biggest smiles (this happened about ten minutes ago) only one of them will get to lick the bowl. They're all shameless suck-ups. But they're farm critters. They can all let themselves out through the pet door any time they want. As soon as the bowl was gone (Floyd, the cat got it) ffft, they're all gone out to the yard.

groomedpubes2 59M
106 posts
2/8/2006 8:22 pm


hooks1952 64M

2/8/2006 11:55 pm

You can usually get your dog to do your bidding , cat's forget it.


huang888888 38M
1 post
2/9/2006 7:54 am


rm_JohnMacLaine 50M
585 posts
2/19/2006 9:48 am


as a cat person, (I have 4) I can definitely get the humor in tis little post..

too funny....



"I can retain neither respect or affection for a government which has been moving from wrong to wrong in order to defend its own immorality" Mahatma Ghandi

softnlush 53F

2/19/2006 12:14 pm

I,too,am I cat person..and everytime I look into the eyes of a cat that seems to be sizing me up..I wonder what they are thinking..and I believe they have that Morris voice very debonair..intelligent..plotting their escape *laughs*..remember we do not have cats..they have us ..I will be getting a cat soon I think..I miss having one...I mean allowing one to have me I should say..

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