A Circle of Friends...  

softnlush 53F
878 posts
6/30/2006 5:07 am

Last Read:
7/27/2006 2:59 pm

A Circle of Friends...

Yesterday it was slower than usual at work..so I realized I had not checked my ao hell mail in a few days and I see an email from someone,well,I guess I was surprised so it was the first I opened..

It was from my first love,I mean the first one..yep..my 7yr relationship..the longest one I ever had..I read it..I changed the names for privacy issues..but it read like this..

Hi,how are you,I do not know how to say this,but Rick DiScalles passed away,a heart attack or something,call me..and left his number.

I sat there for a minute..shocked,although we lost touch (due to his drug use),he was a very good friend to me during and for a long time after the relationship ended with my first love..so I took a bathroom break,grabbed my cell,wrote down his number and called..apparantly his sister was on the phone with someone from the old neighborhood and she gave her the news,knowing that this was my first loves childhood bestfriend (well honestly from the age of 5-28 I would say),she called her brother and told him the jist of it,since she had no details..I knew someone who could probably fill in all the details and called my friend in PA,who called her brother in law and I called My First love back,yes,his wake is tonight..the funeral tomorrow,and I should have his moms address and phone number by the weekend..my first love got very quiet,very quiet..and he said,"soft,I really was hoping you were going to say..where did you hear he died,he is fine"..I said,First love,I wish I was saying those words to you..but it is true..we then spent over an hour reminiscing about the good times and not so good times with "Rick"..

Rick was a fun kid..in our teens,very big,very loud,very much the life of the party..very much the party itself,offering up anything you needed to enhance your surroundings if you catch my meaning..and loved booze..that boy could drink more than I have seen anyone drink..I think he was a full fledged alchoholic even before I came into the picture.

When I met my first love I was 16,he just turned 17 and within a few days..he introduced to me his best friend Rick,and it became the gruesome 3 some cause Rick,well not many girls liked him,he was overweight (alot),he was a drinker,he was a stoner,and all he cared about was playing his bass and getting fried..I remember hanging out in his basement apartment (cool mom huh? giving him his own place basically at 16),getting stoned,listening to him and my first love jamming..getting stoned lol..jamming..Ricks mom,sending down beer to us (cool mom eh?)..16 yrs old and not a care in the world the 3 of us just listening to tunes and getting stoned.

Down the line,as my first love and I got older,and lived together (for 3 yrs),Rick was ALWAYS at the apartment and it got to me..finally I fixed him up with a friend of mine,and that was good..she distracted him for a while and I had my man all to myself..until she broke his heart..I could have killed her,because not only did she hurt my friend deeply..he was practically living with us at this point (studio apartments and 2 guys do not mix..trust me on this) and I was losing my marbles dealing with it,his drinking made my first love drink more and when he drank,he was abusive to me..so I pretty much told Rick,you need to go..you need to get out of our apartment before I kill you..he was pissed,told my first love I was bossy blah blah but he left.

Fast forward..My first love and I break up after 7 yrs,and Rick is there for me,comforting,but will not answer my questions about what I figured out,that the ex cheated on me with a coworker..he could never look me in the eye when I would bombard him with questions..but he was his best friend and I knew he knew.

Rick would come over 2 or 3 times a week just to check on me..by this time,although it smarted..I was pretty good about the whole break up thing..and I was ready to date again and I knew exactly who i wanted to date and asked Rick about a mutual friend we used to hang with..lets call him Bobby..and he one day brought Bobby over and of course he and I hit it off and began a year long relationship..Also,Rick was back..all the time..it was like Bobby was replacing first love for both me and Rick lol..down the line I noticed changes in Bobby and we broke up when I found out he was actively using hard core drugs,got myself my first HIV test after that one and came out squeeky clean..then I notice Rick is not around either..hmm..a few months later..well after I am over the whole Bobby fiasco..I get a phone call from Rick and he asks if he can talk to me,but not on the phone..ok..come over..he does..he is sober for a change and he sits on my chair facing me,I am sitting on the couch and he said,I am going to tell you something..and I want you to say nothing..ok..I am in love with you,I have been in love with you since the first minute I met you and I waited and waited for you to notice me after you and "first love" broke up..I sat there just staring at him,then you went with Bobby and did not even call me when you broke up with him..I said,Rick..I broke up with him over drugs..drugs I suspect you gave him..he denied it..and I did not buy it..he still denied..he asked if we can get past it all,if I give him a shot,he will stop doing drugs,drinking..everything..and I could not do it..he was too close to me..and I did not feel it,he understood and assured me we would remain friends.

Fast forward..we lose touch almost immediately..I am not in my early to mid thirties and my phone rings..it is Rick..apologizing for everything he did to me..(apparantly he was in some step program and was on the apology rung)..I listened as he told me he knew my first love cheated on me ..alot..with his help..he told me about Bobby and getting him addicted to crack but it was not until his birthday party that I threw for him which was 1 week before I ended the relationship,so he was concerned that I thought Bobby was doing this from day one..and I said..no,I noticed the change from the party and how he was always at your place before he came over to mine and he was out of it..he told me he still was in love with me but knew I did not feel the same and he did these things to hurt me and he apologized..well since I basically knew this already and now it was at least 8 yrs after the fact..I accepted his apology graciously,told him it was ok and to keep in touch..but I never heard from him again..never saw him again when I went to the old neighborhood..oh sure,I heard little snippets about him from this person and that,but he moved and I just could not find him..until this email..

So my first love and I went on my usual method of chatting and photo shared some old memories..a pic of him and Rick,and a pic of he and I when I was 16 (groans),pics of this one and that..reminiscing..it was nice,it was sad..and when I think about it..I know he is in a better place and when my first love started showing remorse for not being a better friend to him in our late 30s and now 40s..he said,I lost my chance,soft..I will never see him again..he was my best friend..and I said,oh you will see him again..when the time comes and I pray it is not for a long long time..you will be walking through those pearly gates and Rick will be the jolly chubby guy at the heavenly ho down bar..holding up his beer in a toast,one for you on the bar..and it will be like old times again..think of him fondly and it will be ok..

So.."Rick" rest in peace my friend..rest in peace

April 5 1963-June 26 2006


rm_bucfannn 61M/60F
2110 posts
6/30/2006 5:13 am

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend.

Death sucks.......................

softnlush replies on 6/30/2006 7:28 am:
what sucks the most..is that I am getting kind of weirded out by this,42 yrs old and I have friends who are becoming grandparents and now I have friends who are dying..death is a part of life they say,but I don't know..42..never thought these things would be a reality for me now,I expected it ooooh..20,30 yrs from now I guess..unrealistic..he was not healthy in his youth..it caught up to him,but amazing is..that people who lost touch..who all knew him..are communicating again..maybe rick finally did something right in the whole deep karma thing? who knows?

redheadedangel33 48F

7/2/2006 5:43 pm

Know my thoughts are with you and you are truly missed


rm_BanginBunni 40F

7/5/2006 6:35 am

So sad, u wrote it nicely and i get what u are saying....

Luv Annita xx

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