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Prisoners of our own Convictions ???
Prisoners of our own Convictions ???
How many of us here in blog land are prisoners of our own convictions??
I went back and reread my dang quote post and saw what I was really thinking at the time.
I know alot of people think (this has been shared elsewhere besides blog land) that if I do decide to stay it would be out of fear or pity this is so not true..
I once replied to someone else's struggle by saying what I think is the most important thing to remember stay true to who you are and what you believe., Don't let what other people do or say to you dictate to you who you are or how you react.
How does this pertain to my situation, well alot.
I am a submissive I was born that way, born to it. I was raised in a house full of males, 5 of them . With an old fashion father.
I know some will say oh no I understand, but its not like that. I have grown enough to see how it was a good thing and a bad thing. I have grown to change in alot of ways but I can not, will not change the core of who I am.
I am submissive, and it gives me so much joy to be this way.
But anyways, Maybe you don't understand or respect that term so maybe I will use the term servant to help you understand me or maybe someone in your own lives.
I believe each and everyone of us were put here to serve one another in some sort of fashion.
I deeply believe this. Even doms, masters, husband even our bosses at work are serving someone.
I am not a self serving person, I can not even imagine trying to be one, I have no clue on how this type of person even thinks.
A submissives life is about fulfilling another's wishes. Putting those needs, wants , wishes before their very own. They, well maybe I should just speak of me, when I do this I am happy, satisfied, now I do have limits I won't do everything but if I feel good about it I'll do it, it is so wonderful to, I get such satisfaction from it.
I have tried going against the grain of my natural self, I was miserable, I could not find joy in it, It was nice to receive don't get me wrong, but nothing compared to when I was doing the serving. Putting others first. I really do enjoy doing alot for others.
Now I am not just talking aboutsex here,
(I love to be given the whips or crop sometimes but I prefer the subbie role most of the time I am talking about whatever it is the other person needs. My husband's need is for me to be able to lay down some of my needs in order to stay together maybe now you can understand my struggle. I think my answers lie within finding boundaries so I don't give so much in my marriage that I became bitter and such.
I have been pondering this for awhile. Still haven't come up with complete answers either.
Maybe it lies within finding other things to give my energy , my thoughts too, where maybe I can receive back more. Now not sex partners, but a project of integrity. Maybe then I won't run on empty so often, maybe I will feel more appreciated then too. .
I still have not made up my mind.
I know this much though I have to stay true to myself or I will never be able to live within my own skin.
I think maybe prisoners of my our convictions is not such a bad term, if it means staying true to something we believe deeply in.
Have you ever felt like a prisoner of your own convictions??
Hugs and Peace2u all
7/26/2006 10:08 pm
Hoo boy, have I!!! A long time ago, I took up the reigns of responsibility in our relationship. For most of our time together I have been the breadwinner, as well as the chief cook and bottlewasher. I changed diapers, bathed the kids, did the laundry and cleaned the house too. Since my wife has never had a license, I did all the driving, and took the kids to whatever activity they were involved in. I did this for too many years, and have grown to resent it...
I have come to the conclusion that I am needed more than wanted, and I am working at changing that perception by slowly letting go of what I would usually do around the house. I know that if I were ever to enter into another relationship, I would make it clear that I want someone who doesn't need me, but wants me.
BTW I'm not planning on leaving, but I do want my wife to assume more responsibility in our relationship. I've raised three children, I don't want a fourth.
Madness takes its toll. Exact change please!
7/27/2006 5:04 am
Dearest Smooth, I think you can become too habitually in the mode of serving others, and you are right in saying that to a degree we all do. But I have come to realise that there has to be just one part of my life that is "me time", which is not about duties, responsibilities, commitments or convictions. I have come to realise that if I yield and yield and yield there is actually a breaking point which arrives unplanned, unexpected and usually unwelcome. Having time out stops that. |
As you know my big escape is free-flying. I don't do it all the time - somewhere between once a week and once a fortnight, but when I do it is me time. And as a result I don't feel as though it is an eternal giving, and I can give with more strength and more grace, without that feeling of being at the boundary, always on-call and rarely it seems appreciated. It also gives me a better sense of perspective and balance.
Now one person's life solution is not another's, but it is more or less how I've coped and to a large degree it works.
7/27/2006 6:27 am
Wow, that is a lot of soul searching. My first reaction is to start writing a response, but I need to give this some thought.|
Women Women everywhere and not a pussy to eat......
7/27/2006 12:52 pm
It's important to me to stick to my convictions. Every once inawhile I have to look at them and evaluate and possibly tweak them a little. I must say, most of us are products of our formative years and the environment we were in.|
ger - (Commenting freely and without expectation.)
7/27/2006 8:08 pm
Good post smooth! Very clear and well done! I'm sure you will find the balance and the answer given time. Fantasy is nearly always better than reality so sex alone is certianly not the answer....|
7/28/2006 11:59 pm
Why, I find your sentiments to be quite open, and endearing. As for Me, I find My convictions liberating, as they allow Me a solid base, from which My thoughts and feels may wander almost anywhere.
I like your blog very much, Smooth. *smiling warmly*
7/29/2006 10:53 am
Smooth...To an extent I believe we all are prisoners of our convictions. It's what keeps us solid. Without convictions we have no idea what we need or where we're going. We only need to practice balance, easier said than done, I know.|
Stay true to yours!
7/29/2006 11:31 am
I interpret you a bit different than you interpret yourself. Though you may or may not have submissive fantasies behind closed doors is irrelevant. |
What i see is a person who is not submissive in life - but rather is a giver.
But, in the same way - others like also to give - especially to one they love most. Sometimes it is hard to receive when want so much to give. But, we also need to let others do for us as we do for them. It warms their heart also.