Good morning..  

smoothnjuicy4u 50F
426 posts
5/23/2006 9:01 am

Last Read:
5/25/2006 5:12 am

Good morning..

Last night I went to bed feeling awful about myself, I had been a very selfish, impatient, moody person all day. I put such pressure on myself to be perfect in every way, everyday. Not to mention I at times blame myself completely for my children's struggles. I was truly upset with myself. I strive so hard to be a better mother than I had, have. I had let them and myself down.

But the strangest thing happened to me this morning. I was getting ready to walk my youngest to school I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, my hair was sticking out like I had just put my finger in a light socket and the grey had reappeared. My clothes wrinkled. The right side of my face had what I call a sheet wrinkles on it. But I didn't have the reaction I usually do, of gosh you need to get up earlier so when you go out to walk him you look better. I didn't even remember the mistakes I made yesterday like I usually do. This time I just saw me, my beautiful self. A quote I had read came to mind.

"Some people weave burlap into the fabric of our lives, and some weave gold thread. Both contribute to make the whole picture beautiful and unique."
author unknown

I thought to myself with tears in my eyes, you may always want to weave golden threads into other's live but, sometimes your gonna weave burlap. Then I thought of my own parents, they may have woven alot of burlap into mine but there was some golden threads they wove too. And I am beautiful. Even the burlap threads I had woven yesterday were gonna contribute to their own beautiful unique pictures. Aint no one perfect. There is so much freedom in self forgiveness. Forgiveness period. Is it possible I am becoming wiser?? Oh no I'm grown up !!!!
Its a beautiful day and I'm feeling beautiful so I'm gonna go enjoy it.

Peace and Hugs

SpaceRangerNJ 55M
4687 posts
5/24/2006 9:18 am

Good for you. I understand the whole negative self image thing. I'm just getting around to accepting myself for who I am and believing that someone else can accept me.

We are not perfect. Striving to be better is always a good goal. Learn and grow every day. When you stop that you stop living in many ways.

Sometimes even with the best parenting kids just have trouble and might not turn out the way we would have hoped. For one I believe in the nature vs nurture thing. People are made up of what they get genetically and what they learn and experience in the world. Also, people sometimes just have to learn on their own. As much as we can learn from history and the experiences of others some lessons just don't get through until we make the mistakes on our own. Letting your kids make their own mistakes is hard. As long as they aren't going to get physically hurt or psychologically scared you might have to let them learn it on their own.

Good luck. Parenting is tough.
And good luck keeping that good self image. We tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on others. Use the same standards about yourself and give yourself the same breaks you would others.

smoothnjuicy4u 50F

5/25/2006 5:12 am

Thanks for stopping by my blog spaceranger. and you are right parenting is hard.
Have a good day hun

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