Damn it;'s broke  

smoothnjuicy4u 50F
426 posts
6/26/2006 9:31 pm

Last Read:
7/5/2006 9:40 am

Damn it;'s broke

I awoke this morning groggy again from another restless nights sleep. I am suffering from nightmares, filled with images and feelings of fear, emptiness and anxiousness.

Anyways, I sit up and reach over to retrieve a cig from the pack which should be on the night table, but they aren't there.
Since I am such an addict I start freaking out. Where in the world have I put them.
So I get up and start searching for them.
I look in the front room, behind the couch, under the couch , nope not there.
I go to my computer desk ,nope not there either. By now I am getting frustrated, where the heck are they??
I decide to go back to the bedroom, I look under the bed, I even pull out the night tables to see if they may have fallen behind there, nope not there either!!!
I pull back the sheets and there they are thank god. I open the top of the box, its full yeah !!
So I put one in between my lips and go on with my morning routine.
I pass by the computer so I boot it up right, next I start the coffee, go brush my teeth then my hair, on the way back to the kitchen I check to see if windows is loaded yep, I login, then continue on to the kitchen for my first cup of coffee 2 sugars some cream, yum.

So now its back to the computer, I sit down, dang realize I forgot my lighter, so I get back up, go to the bedroom retrieve it, sit back down. Fire up the lighter, inhale and damn nothing!!
I try it again, strike, inhale harder this time still nothing, the damn thing was broke.
So I get another one out take alook at it, its broke too!!
Keep in my mind I'm jones-in for that nicotine by now, I dump the whole pack out on the desk each and every one is broken, but thank goodness, its by the filter so they can be fixed.

So now later in the day as I am laying out repairing a broken cigs so I can smoke it, something pops into my mind.
Actually a certain blog I read aways back.
I wonder if this person still feels like I did this morning?? Frustrated..
All the time and energy spent looking for what we were craving just to find that are broken.
Stay with me here, Are they willing to be patience and help repair the broken ones, like I am doing to my broken cigs??
Or are they gonna throw them away and go shop for more?? As I took the drag off my once lost and broken but now repaired cig I could swear it tastes better than before.
I think maybe the wait and effort is what made it taste so good to me.
I wonder how many people feel broken and never express it here in blogland out ta fear that no one will want their broken selves. I wonder how many have found the courage to put it all out there just to be passed over for ones that appear so perfect?? At times I feel sorry for the ones that have done the passing by.

I think of my boys who the world sees as broken and imperfect, will women pass them by too?? The thought of that happening breaks my heart, its aching right now.

The whole world seems to be in search of perfection. Perfect body,perfect face, perfect job, perfect house, and of course the perfect mate. But I found out awhile back, there is no such thing as perfection we live in a broken world filled with "broken" people.

No we can't fix another's brokenness for them , we the broken have to do that for ourselves. We can only encourage, listen, love and stand by them in their brokenness.

For me that is the glue that holds my marriage together.
Loving me enough to tell me I could use some changing.
Loving me enough to ignore my moodiness and not indulging me in it.
Loving me enough to tell me to shut up.
Loving me enough to kiss me cheek even after I told you to stay the hell away from me.
Loving me long enough till I grew up.
Loving me even in my brokenness when you know how deep it runs and that it may never be fully repaired.

I'm about to get down off my soapbox but do me a favor next time you run into a broken one humble yourself, you aint perfect either, so don't think I'll just pass this one by. Stop and try and see that maybe just maybe two broken people might just fit together to form a completely loving mess..

Hugs and Peace2u all

toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
6/26/2006 11:34 pm

~applauding while you step off the soap box~
well said!

TabithaElectra79 37F

6/27/2006 5:44 am

That was an amazing post...

I am way far from perfect (and I have blogged about this and feeling broken at times)

I don't think anybody is perfect, and it's sad that some people only seem to want perfect.

Could talk about this for quite some time, so I better shut up for now!

Have a lovely day

honeypot7473 43F

6/27/2006 8:44 am

That was an incredible post!Thank you for sharing that and uplifting my day some.You have boys? So, do I. Two of them....we do have alot in common...lol.You blog was the last one I had time to read right now, and all I can say is that i'm so glad I had the time to read it.

T_A_B_75 41M

6/27/2006 10:10 am

I'm just looking for someone who is perfect for me. It has been a long search but it continues.

horny4770 60M
8158 posts
6/27/2006 1:42 pm

Sweetie...Maybe you should step up on that soap box more often! Well stated!


ilsuconu 56M

6/27/2006 2:12 pm

You're a carpenter, right? Because you sure hit the nail on the head with this! It would be nice if more people thought like this...


6/27/2006 10:14 pm

Very well put.And thank you for noticing right away when today was my first day in blogland.keep blogging and I'll keep checking in.

thorntonmale 48M
36 posts
6/28/2006 12:30 am

gotcha for sure their

Luvwetcunt1000 48M
1258 posts
6/28/2006 2:21 am

That's a very good post. I enjoyed it.

Thanks for visiting my blog today.

I'll see you around.

digdug41 49M

6/28/2006 7:45 am

Smooth ya got deep on us here and ya made me think of my wife and I's relationship, we're definitely both broken but together we do make a completely loving mess. thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, so on point it aint funny

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

smoothnjuicy4u 50F

6/28/2006 3:36 pm

Well I really don't know what to say to all of ya. I am humbled by all the compliments. Thank you. I really do hope that it helps someone out there. As far the smoking goes, I have failed at least 5 times but have another stopping date set, wish me luck. The nightmares well they probably won't cease to happen until I get to sleep in my NEW HOUSE !!!!!!!!! we got it. Dang I'm so afraid of jinxing it that I almost went back and deleted that off. Still have to get the inspection done and make sure its a good one. But really guys thanks your words meant alot to me. Maybe there is more to me than my boobies. >

Hugs and Peace2u all

norprin5 55M

6/28/2006 6:10 pm

Smooth...i'm dumbstruck and awestruck! what a great post!!

i just stopped by to thank you for stopping by my little blog...now i am happy that i came, and grateful...grateful? no, humbled - humbled that you would deign do bestow just a teensyweensy bit of your attention on me

your servant

King Nor XVIII

King Nor XVIII

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
6/28/2006 11:28 pm

I was drawn by your comment on my blog and find a rich post about sheer humanity. Thanks for drawing my attention. Yes, living with each other's flaws is the real challenge in a long term relationship, and beyond those flaws that we tolerate in each other there are flaws in the tolerance itself, and our individual capacity for it. In our world of beliefs and illusions there are saints and sinners, heroes and villains, goodies and baddies, but life is so much more than that.

warm xx

smoothnjuicy4u 50F

6/29/2006 7:25 am

Now Norpin, your litte blog?? Not I am gald you enjoyed it.
Im glad you stopped by warm, though I still think your said it much simpler and possibly better than I. Thanks guys for such nice remarks.

smoothnjuicy4u 50F

7/1/2006 6:38 am

Thanks Fly

rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
7/2/2006 7:44 am

I am more broke than Humpty Dumpty just check outa few of my more direct posts. You have such a wonderful way of writing

smoothnjuicy4u 50F

7/3/2006 7:21 am

Thanks fo much for the sweet comment Cru, I have read some of yours already gonna have to go read some more that's for sure. See ya hun.

rm_gwalker_oh 55M
54 posts
7/3/2006 9:19 am

As a fellow smoker, a thoughful man: -- great post!

I'm sure I'll be back here; you've got some great stuff.
Regards, -G.W.

smoothnjuicy4u 50F

7/3/2006 3:26 pm

you like huh?? I glad you enjoy my stuff, that's why I write to entertain and maybe help someone or comfort them.. I like your blog too. I am sure I'll return there myself.
Hugs Smooth

Become a member to create a blog