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Another bad situation...
7/19/2006 10:42 am
Another bad situation...
Well, I decided to stay at the Camp this Wednesday, instead of head into town for some hormone control. BIG MISTAKE...
If I had to only stay at the Camp, I would ride my bicycle on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Being Wednesday, I headed off on my usual route that I do on Mondays.
My route takes me through two villages and back behind a fairly big forest area. Problem is, someone decided to plow one of the fields so I can no longer ride across (I tried, I fell, twice).
Once, while WALKING through the plowed field (about 300 yards), I noticed a fresh dirt road leading to some power poles. This was great, but still required me to walk my bike about 50 yards through uncut fields. I started to wonder if there was a covered trail I could use to connect up with the fresh dirt road.
Tonight, I tried what I thought would be the connecting trail. It was smooth. It was not too overgrown. I felt "lucky".
The trail looked very promising. I was heading straight for a power pole in the middle of a field. SWEET! Oh, then a small turn. No biggy, still headed in the right direction. Sort of.
Then another turn. Oh crap, I started hoping I would not have to ride back and start all over from where I knew I could get home. Oh yeah, the trail was now completely overgrown. I was now basically plowing through uncut fields. My front shock had a great workout trying to climb over all the ruts and valleys. I DID NOT FALL! Woohoo!
Finally, I see the remains of a trail that was created long ago. I follow it and it leads me right through a wooded area. That's when I noticed the bugs.
Remember Star Wars, now called Episode III. Remember how the X-wing fighters formed up into "threes" and attacked. WELL, I could SWEAR the mosquitos were creating formations, and I was their "Death Star".
"Bugs, no problem," I thought. I cranked up my legs and started really hauling through the fields. Didn't help. The bugs found my "draft" and started buzzing my head. Then I felt the drilling of the mosquitos on my legs and arms. I peddled faster.
I broke out into an opening and saw a DISTINCT trail. Woohoo! I surveyed the land and saw a radio tower I knew I needed to pass on my way home. It was half a kilometer away. "No problem," so I thought.
Coming up the trail was a 4x4 vehicle. Some Russian make. I wondered how I would pass him. I decided I would go off into the grass, hell I had already ridden a kilometer in the stuff. Then I wondered why they were flashing their lights. The I wondered why they STOPPED right in front of me!
The driver got ouy of the vehicle with a HUGE grin on his face and said (in very bad English), "What you name?"
Oh, I thought. Local man wants to chat. No problem. My brain went into "parusky" mode. I told him my name and asked him his. Genia was his name. He looked to be about 40ish. Oh, and who was this other 40ish looking fellow coming from the other side? Was he DRUNK?! Oh yeah, this guy was drunk, and STILL drinking 1 liter of his 2 liter beer. He REALLY wanted to speak with me. Oh yeah, there were 2 women in the car also. They got out and feeblly tried to control...
Peter Nickolayovich. I...AM...NOT...MAKING...THAT...NAME...UP!
I shook his hand and he started speaking WAY to fast and pointing to the wheat growing in the field next to us. That would be the field were all the X-wing fighter mosquitos were now launching their rebel attacks.
I THOUGHT Peter was talking about the mosquitos when I said in PERFECT Russian, "Yeah, these are a problem." Peter looked at me like he was about to coldcock me. The two ladies behind him were shaking their heads feverishly at me. I swear I noticed Genia try and get BACK into the vehicle, still grinning, of course.
From what I gather, I was riding next to Peter's field and he was showing off his wheat to me. OOPS! I didn't know enough Russian to "fix" what I had said, so I looked down at my leg and slapped a mosquito. Blood squirted everywhere. I showed Peter my hand and said again in Russian, "This is a problem!" It seemed to get through his drunken haze. Sort of.
See, Peter got distracted by one of the ladies who was trying to explain what I might have meant. Peter shoved her back. Not hard, but he didn't want her disturbing his thought process. She was not thrilled with his push, so she shoved him back. In the meantime, I am covered in sweat, slapping my skin all over killing the bugs that were attacking. And that's when Genia decides he REALLY REALLY wants me to drink from Peter's beer as he hands it to me. I immediately handed the beer BACK to Peter. Not gonna happen, but thanks for offering.
I FINALLY ask what time it is and discover I have 30 minutes to get back to the Camp, shower and be ready for my massage. Oh yeah, and I still don't know where the main road is!
I ask Genia where the main road is and he points me in the correct direction. I then tell everyone I need to go. Peter holds the front of my bike and asks me something. He wants to know what state I am from? "California." All of them go "ooh", except Peter. Thinking I'm SO cool, I offer that I am also from "Los Angeles". More oohs and aahs, except for Peter.
Peter releases my bicycle, thumps his chest proudly and says "Moskva!" The women role their eyes and Genia still has that same grin on his face.
I glided between them all and stopped 5 feet past their vehicle to mount my bicycle and to tell them how much I appreciated meeting them. They waved. I waved. I hauled ass out of there!
I barely made my massage appointment...
7/19/2006 1:34 pm
hahaha...now you have mosquito bites, too. Misery loves company. Mine are all gone, finally.|
Your tale brings to mind a certain movie...I can almost hear the music...but what would be the Russian equivalent of dueling banjos?