My Restless Soul  

smartnfun1961 55M
36 posts
12/9/2005 9:42 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

My Restless Soul

My soul is so restless. Many people would say that I should be happy and content with my life. In many ways I am. But in one way, one huge way, I have no contentment, no satisfaction.

That lack of contentment is driving my life at this point.

Oddly, I have no sense of desperation. No sense of panic. It's more like a determination to pursue that which I have come to realize I so deeply want and need. Even more oddly, the thought that I may never find what I am looking for causes me no regret about the price I've paid to go on this search. It's as though I know intuitively that even if my search is unsuccessful, at least I will have tried.

At least I'll never have the regret, years from now, of looking at my life and saying "I wish I'd followed my heart and searched to find the deepest longing of my soul."

At least I've been honest about how unhappy I've been in certain areas of my life. I have no interest in trying to cover that unhappiness with money, or possessions, or power, or the rest of the standard social anesthetics.

I wonder how many other people find themselves on a quest like this. Or do other people always feel like this, and I'm odd in that I've just awakened to it relatively recently?

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