Sex dreams and random thoughts  

smartmama 58F
181 posts
11/4/2005 7:37 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Sex dreams and random thoughts

Last night I had sex dreams.

I won't bore you with a recap, because as I tell my kids, recounting your dreams to anyone but a shrink, is boring.

But the funny part was that the outcome of a tryst, with a very young, rocker type biker, who had a forked tongue, was a testimonial on my AdultFriendFinder page. And I was trying to figure out how to delete it. In the dream we had sex all the time, publicly. Anytime the boy wanted to touch me, he did.

It was about this wildness inside of me. The testimonial exposed me. It made the secret desire, which the dream brought out (although I think I may have to put part of the blame on the Halloween candy I purloined from my daughter's stash), visible. This dream boy could make the forked tongue go away. I requested that he make it a normal tongue. I seem to remember some trend where kids were having their tongues operated upon, making them into forked tongues. Devils. Sex with the devil.

Which leads into other random thoughts.

Like, I am hopelessly aroused by younger men. I try to sensibly adjust the age thing up, but it isn't working. This is not to say that I haven't been smitten by men within my age range, I have. It is just that when you get into the ten years older (men in their late fifties and even early sixties writing to me), I don't feel it.

Yesterday a married man and I chatted. It was anonymous and strictly sexual. I didn't know he was married until he turned on his webcam and his wedding ring was flashing prominently. All I could see was his cock, being stroked. He had a nice belly and it excited me to see him stroke himself. He had seduced me on IM, telling me how he would make me feel if he was with me. This led to the Webcam. After we both came, I mentioned the ring. He asked if it bothered me. I said it didn't as long as he was just an anonymous cock, on a webcam, stroking. He said that was all he'd ever be. He comes online (pun?) to "Cyberfuck." Somehow I liked the directness of this declaration. He is married, he doesn't have sex outside of his little webcam. He cyberfucks. It meets his needs. I had fun.

Someone wrote to me yesterday. He is into tantric sex. He describes it in his profile. It sounds wonderful and interesting and I love the idea of energies just merging, sexual energy as the core of us, and how to channel it. Sexual energy as prominent. My hesitation is that he is bisexual. Somehow it feels threatening to me to have sex with a man who has sex with men. It is partly a fear of disease, but also the fact that this tantric energy then seems random, scattered and willing to perch with a man or woman. I, lately, and this is part of the submissive stuff, feel this gender division thang, strongly. I want that manly energy. Not some new age filtered sexual energy. Man/woman.

I also was told yesterday by someone I've been chatting with as a friend, that he'd not want to have sex with me cause he wouldn't want to hurt me. Use me. Maybe a weekend of sex would work, but beyond that, no. I wonder what this means. It certainly doesn't feel friendly. Maybe it is because I have opened up about hurt; that when you open up about that stuff, it isn't sexy. Certainly not sexy in that "let's just do it" way.

And my last thought is about terms for sex. Like blowjob. I hate terms. I hate technical terms. Like foreplay. They seem Kinsey-esque. They seem like some pseudo-scientific language for what is so beyond boxing in. It isn't a job. There shouldn't be that division. I had an AdultFriendFinder lover when I came here a couple of years ago. I have been away and now back. He was a scoundrel, but he kissed me and sent me into a heavenly place. I remember laughing about the term foreplay. I told him, no terms here. We are just playing and feeling good. No technical terms, okay? Okay.

Jumbled thoughts I needed to expel.

smartmama 58F

11/4/2005 10:28 am

Because when in chat, when men come in, they are very anonymous, very matter of fact. Asking for an immediate meeting and tell that they are a bottom/top. Anal sex. Clinical, multi partnered. If that offends you, I'm sorry.

caressmewell 53F

11/4/2005 7:28 pm

A little cybersex never hurt anyone. At least it's safe sex...

smartmama 58F

11/5/2005 10:55 am

caress, yeah. today I am thinking it is like diet food. low calorie (carb)bar, and just as forgettable, huh? I am not such a sad sack as I seem, just really trying to figure it out somehow.

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