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What Women Want
What Women Want
I have recently developed a strange sympathy (empathy?) towards young, newly-teenaged boys. They reach that age, you know, when all these hormones start pulsing through their bodies, doing whatever hormones do (biology was clearly never one of my strengths) and they start noticing (if they happen to heterosexual) _girls_. And noticing leads to wanting, and wanting leads to thoughts of pursuit. Because once we want something, we like to think or hope or dream that we can attain it, and we make our little human plans to do so. Walking down any middle school/high school hallway (if one still looks young enough to do so inconspicuously . . . which, apparantly, I do) you can see the cogs turning in their heads, planning, planning. Because, through some sick twist of fate, no one can tell you how to get these things, these _specific things_ that you want. A lot of things that young boys want, like porn or cigarettes or directions to the nearest bar, are easily attainable. But girls! There is no rule book. We like to pretend there is a rulebook, but there isn't. There's only instinct. And who wants to follow their gut when it's full of hormones that are irrational and seethe and think about sex all day? Well, teenaged boys do. And I am beginning to feel like a teenaged boy.
Recently, or maybe not so recently, I have found myself attracted to women. It feels like secret hormones, hormones that even the people who are actually _good_ at biology have never even _heard of_, are waking up inside of me, coaxing me brush up against women in bars and smile differently at ladies pushing carts in the supermarket. Now, there are several things that separate me from teenaged boys -- I will skip over the obvious biological ones and head straight for age and experience. Unlike teenaged boys, and thankfully for me, these hormones are not awakening in me at a time of my life where I coincidentally look my worst -- I did my time in middle school, and, fingers crossed, I will never have acne, braces or headgear again. My mother has stopped dressing me, and my glasses are no longer made of plexiglass and hooked around my neck for safety issues. Huzzah.
Now, here is another issue with being older, an issue that would seem to be in my favor, but, in fact, isn't: I have experience. I've been out there, in the sexy semi-adult dating world. I've made mistakes, looked like a jack-ass, made other people look like jack-asses, whatever. But I got all my experience as a girl being pursued by guys. Not only do I not know how to pursue very well, any attempts at pursuit I made were tailored to fit into the guy/girl roll reversal kind of thing. The moves were ballsy but cute, forward but coy. It was a strange little dance, but I managed it, with only a few falls (okay, a lot of falls). But now that experience works against me. It's like playing the violin all your life, and then learning to play the cello. You'd think it would help, but instead you have to unlearn all the habits and tricks that made you a good violin player, because they make you a bad cello player.
So, I ask you, what is the girl chasing girl dance? I never see women pursuing other women. I don't know how to do it. I don't know what to look for. The only people I see pursuing women are men. And, apologies to the men, I don't trust your methods. A good portion of the time, especially when all you want is sex (and we are on AdultFriendFinder, so let's just assume) you are being assholes. No offense meant! All I'm saying is, it's lucky for you that alcohol was invented. We will delve further into the mysteries of men hitting on women at some later date, because there are certainly questions I want to ask about that, but right now, let's focus on women chasing women (no objections? of course not).
How how how is it done? What do women want? I should know this, but I don't. I need help. Every time I write an email to a woman on AdultFriendFinder, or the female half of a couple, I get flustered. Complimenting a women makes me feel like a jerk. I don't know if this is part of the problem, but I'm on the tall side, for a girl. A lot of the women I am pursuing (or attempting to pursue, with discouraging results) are shorter than me, and it makes me feel like somehow, in some way, I am supposed to be the man. Whatever that means. It makes me think of a young man hitting on an older woman, nervous and clearly oblivious to the fact that she is in control, and he is an idiot. Which, while I type it, is fine by me to be that younger man. That is a sexy scenario. Very who-really-has-control-here kind of sexy. Hurray for that. But is that what other women think? I mean, I don't always think that. With couples, I never think that. I mean, there's already a man there. What am I supposed to be? A secret friend? An extra pair of hands? A warm body? A chew toy?
I like the idea of bonding with a woman of a couple first, having time with her, being friends, being lovers, always understanding that the man is there, but he is secondary. And secondary sounds . . . cruel, and it's not really what I mean. I think I want the whole cliched battle of the sexes, girls vs. boys thing, but in a fun teasing way. And I think the main reason that I may want this is because I often have very little contact with the women of couples online, just talking, before meeting them, and things feel strange. Three may be the magic number, but it has to be counted to correctly (Monty Python, anyone?) because the dynamic is slippery and can go awry.
Many words and tangents later, I still am sadly confused by my own gender. Help me, please! Or doom me to teenaged boy syndrome forever. I'll go get my headgear.
2/27/2006 1:58 pm
Well this clarifies you are bisexual..I dont believe guys actually look for women hitting on women. I know a lesbian who is open with her sexuality and hits on women quite frequently at work.Me and this lesbian co-worker are cool and we even joust with each other ie: she would ask"would you hit that?"(if a hottie comes by)and I would answer "Hell yeah!would'nt you?" Because our workplace is somewhat public,I see the women she hit on look uncomfortable when she does.But there is one chick at work that I showed some interest in, and an episode I observed makes me now believe she is bisexual or curious. The chick walked by me and the co-worker 1 time while I was talking to her.She tried to 'sneak by and the lesbian said"Where are you going without giving me my kiss?"As they kissed I could sense the uneasiness in the chick perhaps because I and others observed.Plus she did not acknowledge me.(but she said "Hello" the next day)I need to have a nice conversation next time I see her because I have no problem with her being "BI". I feel discretion is key, the lez was bold with her move,apparently the chick is interested, but doesnt like being displayed. I think you would get a good feel from a woman if she interested;that plays on both ends.I feel most women who are bi like to keep it under their hat...and rightfully so.Just dont kick us fellas ToTally to the curb!!Lol..|