slightlyjadedone 50F
194 posts
7/31/2005 6:52 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm


Rambling thoughts...
Do you ever think that you are definitely in the wrong place?? That for some reason you keep holding yourself back?? that ...perhaps just once in your life you should take a step forward and put yourself first? That isn't being selfish..but yet I feel if I do that I am being just that selfish. Oh gawd please don't preach what I already hear in my own mind...You are better then that...You just don't believe in yourself...You have so much to offer why do you do this to yourself...why not just do some soul searching....WTF do ppl not realize how much soul searching just brings up more and more things..deeper thoughts..more emotions..things that you tried to hide within yourself. Do you ever really reach that point in your life where you do love yourself? I mean really love yourself? Is it meant for everyone?? Or just certain people. *shrugs* I am tired of fighting myself...tired of expecting others to wake up in this so called life. Life is what we make it ...uh is a bowl of cherries...uh huh....Ying/yang...the good ...bad...what about the line inbetween?? heaven...hell...what about purgatory?? there any of them?? what if this is what it is...this is what you get..nothing else...why am I still rambling ?? *exhales* Ijust want to go out side and scream ...why? hell if I know...just in the mood I guess.... Ciao

TheDodger8 45M

7/31/2005 8:57 pm

I think I have been there.... in your mood. Heh.. the answers never seem to come, and sometimes...just lead to more questoins.

slightlyjadedone 50F

8/1/2005 2:34 pm

Wow....Is the song...what about me?? It isnt fair Ive had enough now I want my share cant you see... I wanna live but you just take more then you give....I know that one...You gave me a lot to think about and I thank you for that. "Change" is the key word..well I believe..everyone wants change but is often scared of it as well. Thank you again....I really need to think about what you wrote. D

triag916 51M

8/1/2005 7:16 pm


slightlyjadedone 50F

8/1/2005 7:49 pm

wow again....double wow...and you so know you have some barry on your computer * giggles* cant tell me you dont have lola..she was a show girl...* laughs* on your hidden list...As for the second reply...on the try try again..that is very true. But what if you put in the situation that you feel you are a codependent. trying to stop yourself from being one. taking a stand instead of giving in because you feel bad or that you feel that you can do it better but in the long run that you cant. That the reality of it all is that you yourself have not come to peace with who or what you want to be or do. At that point what do you do?....D

triag916 51M

8/1/2005 8:22 pm

After I read your last post, I took a drive, crank on some Sublime, and for some reason this song reminded me of your post. Stop Brain Stop! It was orinally a Bad Religion song. Please don't ask how I correlated the two.

Early man walked away
As modernman took control
There mind's weren't all the same
And to conquer was their goal
So he built his great empire
And he slaughtered his own kind
He died a confused man
And killed himself in his own mind

Punks are running wild in the streets and nobody anywhere seems to know what to do and there's no end to it. Its like everything everywhere is going crazy so we dont go out anymore, we sit in the house and slowly the world we're living in is getting smaller and all we say is please and please leave us alone in our living rooms, just leave us alone. Well im not going to leave you alone."
"There's gotta be somthing different"

slightlyjadedone 50F

8/2/2005 5:43 pm

*laughs* I think of flamingo's for some reason when I hear lola ...hmmm hope this isnt a pyschology 101 I might be in BIG trouble *laughs* I do mean co dependent. I never realized, till a year or so ago, that a co dependent actually had to be the one in control. The one who basically said if they are not going to do it the way I like it or do it when I ask that I had to take the control and just say screw it I am going to do it. Plus I do blow up..I do state what I mean I do not hold back yet still I continue to do everything. This is every aspect. It could be with making arrangements for a night out to sex. Lets just say that I said I was not going to do anything any more unless he gave some initiative in the sex department like reaching out to hold my hand...shit maybe kiss me...touch my skin...except for just waking me at 2 in the am for a poke and roll..and when I mean poke and roll I mean all of a sudden I feel it a few thrusts and he is done rolls over and goes to sleep. Ohhh my sex life is good!!! NOT!! Still when I yell and state it yet again he stops with everything for a poke & roll and then becomes mr. I dont even do anything in my sleep. *shrugs* Trust me when I say I am not shy...and that I was the one who did everything.....any hoot...wanna analyze that one for me??? *laughs*

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