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Ramblings of useless chiat
Ramblings of useless chiat
Raspberry Newtons....Cake or a cookie??? * she wonders this as she sits at her computer thinking of the last 24 hours from hell*
My life has no beginning of the week nor the end of the week. Everything just seems to mesh together. Very sad I do not even have a HUMP day. Literally no middle of the week to get past.
* eats another newton*
I work for crap money...I clean, do laundry, pay bills etc. for no appreciation. I "thought" perhaps that as life went on and I got older that things would get a little easier. Not only mentally but physically as well. Well that is a joke!! I just realized that I feel like I am back to when I was in my early 20's. The same circle...the same place...just different faces.
* pops another newton sipping a glass of ice cold milk*
I am beginning to believe that I am my own worst enemy...
I sit over analyzing EVERYTHING!!!
There are times that it is a good thing...trust me a VERY good thing but 99.9% of the time it is not. I swear I ruin any possible thought of something just to be nice.
Maybe it is because I have shut so many people off from what I feel or think about. *shrugs* maybe it is because I do not believe they will see things the way I do, thinking that I am wierd. That isn't always the way though. Sometimes just come out so great!! I speak my thoughts and it is exactly what others want to hear. Something that they were actually searching for.
Why does life have to be so complicated? Oh thats right I make it complicated...duh!!!
Really I do not...my mind does. I have so many conversations with myself that I do not even have to search for another opinion because give or take I have them all already.
Funny thing I was at my doctors office the other day havent been there in about 6 months I guess. Any hoo...They ask me what medications I am on. I say none. They look at me oddly, due to the fact that they had me an anti depresent so that I could sleep at night and to control migraines. The pills made me feel like I was fake. Not myself. I explain it like...girls some of you might understand this...*laughs* You know the first time you get fake nails...the feeling like your fingernails are not breathing??? You have to get use to the feeling either you can deal with it or you cannot. Well that is what the medication made my body feel like. I wasn't myself. I was just a shell. No emotions...no feelings... I was just a person who would wake up go to sleep and whatever happened in between just happened. No big deal. So I stopped the meds. Figured well you can deal w/ the pain of a migraine just as long as you can feel everything else as well.
Why the hell did I bring that up....hmmm...lets see....I was talking about life...it sucks...I feel like I am in a circle that never changes...that I do not change myself..* shrugs* hmmm was it the conversations with myself?? nahhh do not think so...forgot the point all together...
I think today is a day I wish I didnt feel. Maybe that was it ...who knows...
Okay that was my ramblings for today...Friday ...my non point in the week of life.
WTF did someone build an arc...I mean CHIAT enough RAIN already...
10/17/2005 5:45 pm
Just so you know.... there are others who have felt the same way at one time or another..... you don't have an exclusive hold on "thinking too much" or being stuck in the vicious circle....
I don't think you need to shut so many people out.... your blogs are viewed a lot... by many people...... most whom i would suspect like you.... why do they like you? you have some great qualities that you share with us.....you are unhappy in your present situation?..... try and let more of it out every day....
a little at a time..... do it for yourself.... it will make you feel a little better.... you need to feel good about yourself before you can make some of the changes you want.... help yourself.... there are members here who are willing to help and aid you in any way we can..... my wish is to give you some innerpeace ..... for yourself