A year ago today  

slidein2meplz 61F
1363 posts
3/1/2006 7:24 pm

Last Read:
3/12/2006 8:50 am

A year ago today

Spring of 2004 my mother discovered a spot on her left lung, about the size of a quarter I guess. This was right around the time my first grand daughter was born in late April.

She told us all not to worry about it and that every 3 or 4 months she would go and have another cat scan to have it checked to see if it had grown or changed.

Her 2nd cat scan in August revealed no growth, no changes. Whew...that was good news.

In December of that year, she had her 3rd cat scan which did show a significant change. So, about a week later she had a needle biopsy.

It was malignant. Cancer.

My mom, is solid as a rock...and very rarely show's emotion where fear or sadness or even the slightest hint of depression....is concerned.

Many times growing up there were times I wondered how in the hell she could not feel or show certain emotions...and just as often...I would get mad at her because she didn't. It used to make me feel that she was incapable of it. However, she could laugh her ass off at some of the silliest things, she was very well balanced when it came to making decisions or when asked for advice. But to show fear, sadness...never. I had never once seen my mother cry. It bothered me for many years.

She told all of us kids that she didn't intend to do anything about it. She wasn't going to have surgery, she wasn't going to have chemo..or radiation. She just wasn't. She had watched her father suffer with cancer and with treatments when she was 17 years old...and she watched and took care of my Aunt Sandi towards the end of her life....and....my dad. She's seen many of her friends suffer through chemo and she just wasn't gonna do it. None of us were happy with her decision not to try and fight it, but we also respected her wish and didn't push it...even though we didn't agree and we wanted her to fight it.

She did however, go and have more testing done to determine what sort of lung cancer it was...and I can't for the life of me remember what it was...but it was a slow moving kind. That was a relief...at least it was going to give her some time.

Meanwhile her doctor convinced her to have another scan called a PET scan...and I probably should've done some research...but basically it is a very intense scan that can pin point cancer anywhere it is located...this way they can see if it had spread to other areas...and also to determine exactly where on her lung it was located.

It was contained to that one spot only...and had not spread anywhere else. Her doctor/surgeon said that where it was located he would be able to operate and remove it easily and that she shouldn't have to have chemo or radiation.

So she agreed that she would have the surgery and she did last year on this day... March 1, 2005

Now, my mom is a smoker...has been all of her life practically...smoked Lucky Strikes..non filter. The doctor and staff of the hospital was amazed at the lung capacity she had... 98%...better than some younger people and even better than some non smokers.

During surgery, the doctor was surprised to find that she continued to have very good lung/oxygen capacity. He ended up removing just the upper left lobe of her lung. She came through the surgery with flying colors.

The day after surgery, she got rid of the oxygen tank...and was breathing fine on her own and both lungs reinflated perfectly. But she had to stay in the hospital for close to a week in what they call a critical care unit...but it wasn't intensive care.

I went every day...and stayed as long as they'd let me, so did my brothers and sister. On the day before she was to be released to go home....I was sitting with her...just me and her. Pretty soon, I looked over and she was crying...tears just flowing like a faucet had been turned on and the knob to shut it off broke.

I looked at her and took her hand...rubbed her arm and asked what was wrong...was she hurting, was something happening, did she need the nurse..or the doctor?

When she was able to catch her breath...she said to me... "If I can do this...you can do it too. If you ever have to do this.. I want you to do it...too... all of you kids...if I can..you can."

Course...I'm extremely sentimental..and I am very easily touched/moved to tears frequently...a trait inherited from my dad's mother...certainly not from my mom. So, now..I'm crying...she's crying...and it felt so good to me to see my mom have emotion...but all the while remembering..she's also been through a very traumatic surgery and everything that goes along with it...pain, anxiety...not knowing whether or not they got it all...etc.

She had a whole flood of emotions going on...and so did I.

I am happy to report that they did get it all and she has not had to have chemo or radiation at all. It was completely gone.

Recovery hasn't been real easy...and she looks kinda frail...and lost a lot of weight, but she's done pretty damn good...and her weight is starting to come back on....and that was a year ago today.

Happy First Anniversary Mom...I love you...and I don't know what I would've done if you weren't here. I can't imagine not having you...and I hope I don't have to worry about that for a very, very long time.

~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~

rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
3/1/2006 7:58 pm

That was beautiful and I am so happy you two still have each other. Its funny how people that dont show emotion still have the same capacity for feeling that emotion. Your mother is a very strong woman and so are you, you must get it from her.

Sorceror07 54M

3/1/2006 8:13 pm

i'm happy for you both that things are going well with your mom's recovery whew! rock on!!

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...

saddletrampsk 54F

3/1/2006 8:14 pm

So glad to hear of your mother's recovery..

rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
3/1/2006 8:43 pm

They say the first year is the toughest to make it through. If I remember right I think they give you a no-cancer clean bill of health after 5. She's well on her way to making that.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

rm_jefedan 57M
24 posts
3/2/2006 2:01 am

Your mother is an amazing woman - and so are you - I can see why and how much you love and respect her. I hope your mother remains in remission for many years to come.

kyplowboy22 61M

3/2/2006 4:40 am


DTduzDallas 50F

3/2/2006 7:06 am

yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! **hugs**

TzarsAmuseChant 41M
2854 posts
3/2/2006 8:41 am

this makes me happy.

slidein2meplz 61F
1994 posts
3/2/2006 9:48 am

saintlianna ~ She is a strong woman for sure...and so are you Saint...many, many thanks for your kind words.

Sorceror07 ~~ Always good to see you pop in Sor. Thanks for the support.

saddletrampsk ~~ Thank you so much.

DaphneR ~~ Hey Daph...I sure hope so. She's finally started gaining her weight back and not looking so frail/tired. It hasn't been easy. Did you know that when a person has organs removed or partial removal of an organ...that the rest of the organs shift around to compensate to fill the space left inside? We didn't either...but they do. She was told that by the doctor several months after the surgery because she kept getting quesy a lot...and that's what he said..organs shifting. Thanks...

jefedan ~~ xxxx...thank you! Just think...in 2 more days you'll be here and you'll get to meet her.

kyplowboy22 ~~ Thank you KP...I always appreciate your support. ** jumping up and down

DTduzDallas ~~ So good to see you DT...Thanks..I hope your feeling better and recovering fast. {{hugs}}

citizen_five ~~ Me too! Thanks 5'r...I hope you and your girlfriend will be feeling better very, very soon.

Thank you all...I appreciate being able to share this with you. Slide...

~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~

Luvwetcunt1000 48M
1258 posts
3/2/2006 9:57 pm

Slide, your mom is truly someone of great character. Now I know where you inherited such good traits. You are the best daughter your mom could ever have. I'm sure she knows that and must be very proud of you!

Thank you for sharing your story. It touched me deeply. It reminds me of when I was 13. I watched my mom struggling with nose & throat cancer. Whenever the memories come up in my mind I pray that I never have to watch another loved on suffering that way. This kind of illness is a tough journey for anyone, even the strongest.

I'm glad you have such a wonderful closeness with your mom, and I'm very proud of you for making the best of every moment that you have.

You are one fantastic person! I hope that someday the events in my life will coincide with my fate - hopefully those events would lead me to you. I would be honoured to meet you in person.

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