Religious Funny Hatted Sex Commandos Target Porn Sites, Filler Post (Volume 1, Topic 3)  

skinnerbox 52M/45F
35 posts
4/19/2006 9:55 pm

Last Read:
4/26/2006 8:29 am

Religious Funny Hatted Sex Commandos Target Porn Sites, Filler Post (Volume 1, Topic 3)


A primer for my next story:

A cell of Ultra Orthodox Jewish hackers has declared war on porn sites, sabotaging and erasing them of all content.

Anyone who tried to log onto those sites was greeted instead with pictures of the famous bearded Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, late leader of the popular Jewish Lubavitch movement, together with the text declaration:

“We, the religious-net group, hacked into this site and erased all obscenities.

The Holy Kabbalah warns that the sin of spilling sperm in vain is the cause for most diseases and misfortune!"

And a list of 40 other sites they planned to bring down. Strong stuff, lol.

… Reminds me of the very first hit I got on my Israel-dedicated AdultFriendFinder profile, from a chap who claimed to be an Orthodox Jew visiting Jerusalem from New York.

And attached therewith pictures of himself. Apart from his black fedora, luxuriant ZZ Top-style beard and curly sidelocks ‒ a dressing style adopted by Hasidic and some Orthodox groups as signs of uniformity and modesty… he was full frontal stark naked. Grasping with both hands his gloriously circumcised flagpole of Hasidic seed he very much intended to spill in vain.

He gave his age as 31. Good bod. Middle Eastern men tend to corpulence after 30, must be the Matzah balls they keep getting fed by their doting mothers. Though I’m not big on beards. Nice to know that like in eating, studying, praying, he’d resolutely keep his hat on in f*cking, the sign of remembrance of a Higher Power above.

… What a whack job. But the question was, what kind of a whack job? The ever vertiginously churnings of a curious mind wanted to know. I don’t think it was an engaging cultural discourse he had in mind with me. He just wanted to f*ck.

I couldn’t imagine how we could even have met for the whole “coffee first at Starbucks and we’ll take it from there, shall we” thing. Orthodox Jews are not even allowed to be alone in the company of a member of the opposite sex if not a wife or female relative. Maybe I could have seized the opportunity to act out my longstanding kinky… oh, I dunno, Jewish Holocaust fantasy… ever since I saw Schlinder’s Fist, I mean, List. That is, if I ever had one to begin with. With me in the Ralph Fiennes Nazi SS officer role with its BDSM tones. Wouldn’t be too much a stretch on my end.

Contrary to most religious authorities who view sex as a sin or obscenity, and do their prudish best to stifle any enjoyment of sex, Jewish law on the other hand can be rather progressive. Oral sex is not forbidden and it is even explicitly stated that the husband can put to his mouth any organ of his wife’s body as he pleases. The woman’s right to pleasure is clearly outlined and a failure of husbandly obligation to give her pleasure is considered a sin. The minimal frequency of how often a husband should perform his conjugal duties is prescribed in the Torah: For men of “independent means”, every day; for labourers twice a week; donkey drivers, once a week; and sailors, once every six months. Bearing in mind that the Talmud was first printed in the 16th century and the oral tradition of the Torah before that itself began much further back. So, in terms of modern occupations, we must fall somewhere between, erm, labourers and donkey drivers, and men having headaches is just unthinkable tosh.

Also, there is the cool monthly practice of niddah, sexual abstention during a wife’s menstruation and for seven days afterwards, which is designed to elevate sex to an act of holiness, 'forcing' the married couple to learn how to relate to one another in other, non-physical ways when they can’t have rumpy pumpy.

While the Talmud doesn’t outrightly condemn pre-marital or extramarital sex, it doesn’t encourage it.

However, ejaculation outside the vagina (including masturbation) and destruction of seed, is a severe sin punishable by being struck down and killed by G-d. The Talmud makes no bones (pun unintended) on that.

In the case of the American Hasidim then, it must have been “Look, Ma, it looks Hasidic, sounds Hasidic, but tastes just like… chicken”.

*****

Wow, I’ve been censored by the A-F-F Police.

This is the second time I’m reposting this entry. The first with the original text unchanged but without what I thought might have been the objectionable part, my gag picture collage of the Hasidim being given a blow job by a gentile [sic ] guy. Maybe it was objectionable because the other guy was a gentile and not a Hasidim, who knows? I'm not that well versed in esoteric Judaism. The pictureless blog entry got deleted.

The second time I rewrote the subject title using less ‘sensationalist’ words. "Religious Funny Hatted Sex Commandos" certainly has a less immediate ring to it. It seems I simply can't use the word “Rabbi” together with/next to/side by side “Sex Commandos” yet here I am using "Rabbi" as well as "Sex Commandos" twice in the same sentence except just not next to one another. A couple of you lucky folk who may have caught the original blog entry in the first few hours it was up last night would have also seen the pic, before it was 'uncovered' by the A-F-F sting operation. I'm going to see if I can sneak it past the unimaginative sentries at the gate by loading it again at a different time separate from the blog entry.

It's a great pic. Being a PC dud I had to painstakingly learn to do a collage with Photoshop just for that. If anyone wants an autographed copy, give me a shout. Now where’s that group that hit back and shut down the Orthodox group’s website when you need them, slapping anti-censorship and anti-religious declarations across its pages?


News source: Yedioth Aharonot ynetnews
Picture collage credit: Formal studio portrait of a Hasidim (Yahoo Image Search) and His First Huge Cock gay porn site, skinnerbox


MajorEasy 46M
2693 posts
4/20/2006 12:30 am

HEYYYYYY...what happened to my Monty Python song???



. . . . . . . MajorEasy's Blog...
There is no use getting, into heavy petting
it only leads to trouble, and seat wetting.....
.


MajorEasy 46M
2693 posts
4/20/2006 1:50 am

Ohhhh...bugger...new face pic...you really want me to stop sleeping altogether huh??




Lovely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

. . . . . . . MajorEasy's Blog...
There is no use getting, into heavy petting
it only leads to trouble, and seat wetting.....
.


rm_sashalia 30F
19 posts
4/20/2006 2:02 am

Hmm, you've probably been re-censored... the picture's missing. I was just going to grab a screenshot of it to show a Jewish gay friend of mine.

Btw, I have absolutely no idea how you take compliments, (I generally mind my Ps and Qs near you) but you're gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. (I'm not even going to approach the matter of your brain)


-arioch- 46M
1 post
4/20/2006 2:07 am

it would be basic courtesy to wait for a reply before blocking.

and you may get round the censor by using phonetic spelling instead.


skinnerbox 52M/45F

4/20/2006 4:11 am

Major, my Rice, Tomato and Mushroom Holishke, your song was shot down in flames with my original post by the censorship Nazis.


skinnerbox 52M/45F

4/20/2006 4:20 am

sashalia,

Cheers! There was an article on the Beeb today on how normal decision making processes can get scrambled by a pic. Though that’s usually pertaining to the male brain.

You weren’t too impressed by Anaconda_II the last time. Maybe you would have been nicer if I had posted a pic of my, erm, rippling reptile. You’re quite right about compliments though. I make a better bloke than most, except like the Major said, I haven’t tweaked it with sucking up to the ladies. Heck, I don’t even do it with the men.

I’ll pop the pic into your message box. Thanks again.

~ the leathery one ~


skinnerbox 52M/45F

4/20/2006 4:31 am

-arioch-,

Thank you for the tip. How about “Rare-BI (mmmm… Hmmmm) Sex Commandos Target Porn Sites”?

Touché, BI the way. Don’t mind me, I must be in one of those moods just as you diagnosed of course. Oh, you know how it is with us women, constantly pre-menstrual ALL the frigging time, hanging upside down from the chandelier, tearing any hapless man limb from limb in her path who has the misfortune of simply existing, all before breakfast.

Nice to know I p*ssed you off the way you did me (p*ssed me off, that is) this morning.

Calm down and take a few deep breaths. Better?

Now, how you doin’? Momentarily ruffled neck feathers aside of course.

Hey, do you do Tarot readings as well? I had to cut off a deep friendship unexpectedly recently and it’s eerie how I’ve been consistently pulling a Three of Swords.


rm_sashalia 30F
19 posts
4/20/2006 9:29 am

Thanks very much skinnerbox! The picture is getting quite a bit of attention among the gay Jewish community on campus; within an hour of me sending it to my friend I've had three emails asking me where it came from, and gleefully asking how I came across like it.

I was, lets say, rather intimidated by your ex-slithery self. Had to be careful... being swallowed whole wasn't, isn't, on my agenda (don't speak for the guys of course, they have a peculiar fascination with imagery around the subject of swallowing). Not really admitting that it's of any lesser degree right now, but a beautiful woman often tempts the senses away.

Thanks again!


MajorEasy 46M
2693 posts
4/20/2006 10:10 am

Haha..sasha sweetie...do you now see why I'm so in love with this woman??? (and this started even before I saw her face...but now I'm a believer...)

She's sooooooooooooooo gorgeous it's not real...

She'll forever be my warm and creamy leek and potato soup with added bacon chunks, crouton and speckles of ground pepper, served in a whole roll with the top of the bread tilting suggestively just to one side...I'll shout it to the heavens...I love this woman!!!



. . . . . . . MajorEasy's Blog...
There is no use getting, into heavy petting
it only leads to trouble, and seat wetting.....
.


rm_sashalia 30F
19 posts
4/20/2006 11:07 am

Love derived from an attraction to the mind before flesh can only mean the best of things. One's alot more permanent than the other. In this particular case, both are insanely stunning....

So....
GAWD GET A ROOM ALREADY GDIT.


MajorEasy 46M
2693 posts
4/21/2006 12:24 am

Ahhh...sasha my sweets...I share your sentiment...yet this is not a lady one simply "take to a hotel"...she deserves more respect...and I will respectfully follow her to any hotel room she desires...

You're slightly mistaken on one count though...I fell in love with her character before her mind...and the physical beauty came much later...there's just so much to love about this woman...

. . . . . . . MajorEasy's Blog...
There is no use getting, into heavy petting
it only leads to trouble, and seat wetting.....
.


skinnerbox 52M/45F

4/21/2006 2:14 am

Oh, shit.

Hope that Hasidim who is an actual person and whose head I took off doesn’t get into trouble because of me.

Oh, well, at least I get to relive my youth by playing frat-style pranks I never did. You’re cool, wish I had your style and clear seeing when I was your age. And nice hair like yours. I was a fashion catastrophe and a social embarrassment in the 80s and not even in the right way, a dork before it was invented and reclaimed.

Can’t have too many women or gay fans though. It’s the ultimate compliment. They have better taste than heterosexual men.

Don’t mind the Major. He just hangs around to make me look good. I should start paying him retainer’s fees.


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