Really bad sex  

sincitybrunette 55F
3159 posts
8/17/2005 5:34 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Really bad sex

How do you handle the situation when its really bad sex?

You met someone that you thought was just your type. You are attracted, but not to the extent that you want them to jump your bones. You know that the sex is there if you want it. But, OMG, you just don't want it.....

How do you bow out gracefully without hurting someones feelings?


rm_WizardTim12 50M
44 posts
8/18/2005 5:42 am

Tricky question. I guess it boils down to what the other person would want done to them. My vote is for (in a very sympathetic way), explaining the truth, but that's because that's what I'd want in that situation.

It's tricky, because our instinct is to treat people like WE want to be treated, but they don't necessarily want that. They want to be treated the way THEY want. Which may agree with you, or be totally different.

Some people, to try to be "kind", if they don't want to see someone, sleep with them, etc, use all sorts of "brush-off" tactics. As far as I can tell, some people prefer this. Apparently the idea is that you indirectly "let someone down easy", and they get the idea, without you ever explicitly saying, "I'm not interested in taking things further with you."

Personally, as said above, I HATE this method. I want to know how things stand, and if that's not the way I'd hoped, then I can start the adjustment process. The indirect way leaves me confused as to what's going on, and thinking, "hmmm...maybe they really are interested, just actually busy..", then thinking, "no...I guess they're trying to get rid of me..". This back and forth is MUCH more annoying and hurtful than just someone saying, "I don't want to go any further."

Also, I think some people (including me) find it hard sometimes to say "I'm not interested" because part of you FEELS like you're saying, "Hey, you don't come up to my standards." Of course, you're not saying that, but sometimes it can feel like it. But dragging it out to "spare feelings", in my (sometimes) humble opinion, is generally not a good approach.

Well, that's my $1.25 on the subject. Sorry about jumping on the soapbox for a minute.


ByteChaser2 52M

8/18/2005 7:35 am

Honestly - yet respectfully. Sure the truth hurts but tempered with some compassion, it only hurts for a little while.


gemini0157 59M  
6842 posts
8/18/2005 3:01 pm

I think this is one of those situations where it's OK to tell a little lie.


sincitybrunette 55F
1668 posts
8/18/2005 9:15 pm

wizard - pump up all you want...I agree 100% with you


sincitybrunette 55F
1668 posts
8/18/2005 9:16 pm

byte - wouldnt you rather someone be honest with you instead of doing it in a round about way?


sincitybrunette 55F
1668 posts
8/18/2005 9:16 pm

gemini - so what little white lie would you tell?


artistforexploit 60M

8/19/2005 4:18 am

sincity: hmmmm.........the truth?


sincitybrunette 55F
1668 posts
8/19/2005 9:12 am

artist - seems that is what should always work the best...but I had a friend tell me that even bad sex was better than no sex at all.... do you agree with that one?


emm 46M

8/19/2005 10:05 am

GOD....... It happened to me with a coleague at work...........we are good friends and i knew from a long time she likes me more than as a friend , but i kept the friendship until one day on my appartment we had a party with friends, she was to tired to go home so i offered my bed.I TRULY thought that nothing gonna be....Well...it did happened...it was not "bad" sex...it is just that id should NOT hapen...How i managed...bad very bad cause sex was good and that make her think about more....I could not face her for 3 days..until i decided to have a talk and tell her the reality of the situation...that was the best move...the TRUTH...Result = we are still friends and the intimate moment toghether made that our friendship is much stronger somehow....SO no white or black or any kind of lies...that s what i belive and i ll always apreciate if it happens the other way around....


sincitybrunette 55F
1668 posts
8/19/2005 1:36 pm

emm - thanks for the input......I am glad everything worked out for you guys and that you were able to reamin friends....


artistforexploit 60M

8/19/2005 5:27 pm

sincity: no


sincitybrunette 55F
1668 posts
8/19/2005 10:22 pm

artist - I am really glad that you agree with me on this one....


sincitybrunette 55F
1668 posts
8/20/2005 11:30 am

honni - seems to be the best idea...


jonnyblong 55M

10/11/2005 8:47 am

YES JONNY WILL ADMIT HE GETS A BAD SCREWING EVERY YEAR, ON APRIL 15, MY UNCLE COMES BY AND RIMS MY ASS HARD TIL MY EYES WATER AND MY KNEES ARE WEAK. HE'S NOT THE GREATEST BUT HE DEMANDS MONEY THAT I FEEL HE DOESN'T DESERVES THE MONEY BUT IT HAPPENS EVER YEAR. I ASKED MY BROTHER IF THIS HAPPENS TO HIM YES HE ANSWERED AND TOLD UNCLE SCREWS EVERYBODY ONCE A YEAR.


sincitybrunette 55F
1668 posts
10/11/2005 5:06 pm

jonny - not quite what I had in mind...but hey you are right


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