|Blogs > silvertongue65 > Seven Darks Await...|
"And now for something completely different..."
"And now for something completely different..."
Alright... those of you who've been reading my blog know that mostly I post my poetry, both old and new. I don't go on rants and I don't post my diary of the minutae (sp?) of my daily existence. But last night I finally gelled an idea that has been bouncing around in my head for a few days.
Before I go any further, this in NO way has to do with any of my friends either here on AdultFriendFinder or online elsewhere or in real life, and any ideas that the following folks may have about my motivations in writing this post are GRAVELY MISTAKEN, unless you've already talked to me on this topic... so take it for what its worth [blog harshawj] sincitybrunette [blog txrose4uNTX]
Ok, here's my question (of myself, but feel free to post a comment if you have an opinion) "Is it possible, without being a spineless, wimpy/wussy/self-loathing doormat of a person, to be TOO nice/too courteous to others? Let me go one step further and assume that you are not trying to "kill someone with kindness", as that is truly NOT being nice, regardless of the conotations.
When do you tell someone you've professed friendship to to "geddafuggouttaheah!"? When is is appropriate to give 'the Finger' to the lady in front of you at the checkout counter? Personal moral standards aside, and civil law in mind, I really don't see what the harm is in being civil, courteous, and nice to someone... until, as quoted by Dalton in the movie Road House" it's time NOT to be nice." And it's not like you have anyone else to let you know when that is, unlike the bouncers at the Double Duece, who had Dalton to tell them when NOT to be nice.
I have many friends. Most are online, I am ashamed to admit, but I have a few in the real world too. Some even double up. But there are people I would classify as acquaintances, or 'friend of a friend', or co-workers. When you try to be nice to some people, many don't know what to do about it. They think you must have an ulterior motive.. that you want something from them. And maybe that's true, if you are honest enough to admit you need human contact in your life outside of cybertime and sex in the bedroom and family life. We are social animals by nature.
Others seek this social release in turn, and will grasp on like a lamprey eel onto the belly of a shark, sucking the life out of you if you'll let them. THIS is what worries me most: those clinging leeches and blood-sucking parasites that some people become just because you were nice to them and continue to do so until either you blow your stack and reduce them to quivering jelly (or worse: an evil nemisis or stalker!!!).
I have friends who are also friends in common with other friends. I try to be nice, because if one friend likes them, there should (in theory) be something redeaming about them. Not that all of my friends' other friends are my friends also, but despite being a cynical and vindictive SOB, I am rather optimistic and socially gregarious when so motivated. But sometimes, you give someone a little pat on the back to bolster their esteem and make them feel better, and it goes horribly wrong.
I try not to let it come to this, because then I have to do a 180 and become the "evil" me... the jack-ass waiting to snap at some smarmy, emotionally weak person who is attempting to latch onto whatever strong person he/she sees as an anchor from their daily reality of people who hate them, or are mean to them, or disappoint them on a daily basis, whether that has any real grounding in reality or not (remember: reality is perception!) I don't as a general rule enjoy being an ass or being rude or being unsympathetic. Sure, it can be a huge source of amusement on occaision, when you're toying with some shithead that really deserves it. But by and large, I am inclined to agree with the "Golden Rule" of treating others in a manner you yourself would wish to be treated.... up until the point where your goodwill is not only NOT reciprocated but in fact totally lost on the worthless scumbag who could care less if you lived or died other than to fill his/her needs
Case in point: I have a friend I met online... on AdultFriendFinder, in fact. After about 18 months, we finally met (she'd gotten married in the mean time, and was having problems with her husband... another AdultFriendFinder-er). She had left their home because he physically had abused her. She'd had some other problems too. Meanwhile, I had just returned to the workforce after a 6 month layoff. I didn't have a pot to piss in and things were getting worse. After a few months of fun, non-commital sex, she asked if she could stay with me until she got a job and saved enough for her own place. Initially, it was only supposed to be for a few months... well... its now 7 months. She is going to be permanent at her job as of today. I hope to be rid of her in the next 2 months and GOOD RIDDANCE! Friend or not, I feel angry and taken advantage of, even though neither is the truth and is not her faulty. I like her a lot (she's like a sister to me), and even though she's not yet divorced, and now has a "good man" (i.e. other than me, not an AFFer) in her life, she hasn't moved out. She wants out, I want my freedom back, and I am not angry at her so much as I am at myself for being TOO NICE. I in NO WAY blame her for this... I did this to myself. This is me being TOO NICE... trying to be the Knight In Shining Armor instead of being Machiavelli's Prince (Mu-hu-hu-hahaha!).
Anyways.. all good deeds are punished with impunity. I think that despite these things that chaffe my hide, I will continue to be nice in general to those who deserve it, and even those that do not.
Am I nuts? Probably....
7/13/2005 9:29 pm
LOL.. nuts??? No.|
I have a friend's son who lives with me. He was 20 years old when he said that he was going to stay until he got his car fixed. lol... Well, in August, he will be 22 years old. At least your gal friend didn't stay with you THAT long....
I have known my friend for 15 years.... and knew his sons since they were itty bitty and baby-sat them all the time, ran them to the hospital when one of the boys slammed his brother's fingers in the door (and their ditzy Mom had no clue where the hospital was), etc., etc. They live out in the country a J had no transportation while he had to pay for a special hose and order it from the dealership for his 89 Honda Prelude.
I have even taken him to the admissions process at a local college and gathered up his ADD/ADHD ARD paperwork from his highschool to give him a longer time on the entrance examinations.
Heck, I do more for that boy than his own mother ever thought about doing.
Last August, my jobs were narrowed down to just one. I told him that he would have to pay me some rent while he still stayed here, especially since he was now 21 years old he needed to take more responsibility.
He is a good kid and is working hard at his work, moving up into the managment -- which, his father didn't think he would amount to no good at all. We have proved his Dad wrong!!
ANYHOW... he still is here....he pays me rent.... plays PS2 until all hours of the day and night when he isn't working or sleeping and made my tv in the living room with a red hue......
Do I feel like a doormat??? Yeah...
Do I feel like he will ever leave??? Well...hopefully!
Do I feel like he is gaining a new perspective on life and moving forward? Yeah....
Do I feel like he will stay here for-ever??? Well..."feel" maybe; "know" he will be moving on when I get my smaller home when this lease is up at this 3-bedroom apt!!! hee hee...
I do know that it is frustrating. HOWEVER, it does sound like that you are a lot closer to the end of that situation than I am of mine!!! lol....
Best of luck!!
7/13/2005 9:33 pm
PS... Glad to see that you posted something other than JUST your poetry. While your poetry is nice... it is nice, too, to hear a little more about you!! |
7/14/2005 3:14 pm
harshawj... thanks for the response. Man if there is anyone in the world I know relates to the subject matter, it's you. And thanks for the advice... I am seriously considering it.|
txrose4uNTX... thanks for your perspective. I know I'm not the only one in this situation, and it's nice to hear how others are handling it. BTW... if there are specific things you want to know, please ask. Blogging is not my daily journal, as I don't have that much computer access lately. I do like posting my stories and poetry so others can see.. but I will try to open my shell up just a little, since you asked so nicely.
7/15/2005 11:05 pm
Why, thank you. I, on the other hand, have been using my blog as a daily (or, almost daily journal). Still there are things may not be quite revealed as well. So, likewise, don't ever hestitate in asking, my friend! Laters....|