Where did I go wrong?  

shyknight2005 42M
121 posts
9/25/2005 1:14 am

Last Read:
9/18/2007 12:19 pm

Where did I go wrong?

Sigh...not even going to bother with a backmusic on this one...too damned depressed.
Alright anybody out there...first I will start with a word of advice...never read blogs of ex-whatevers...whether gf/friends or whatever they were to you...you learn wayyyyy too much lol/cry

Looking for advice here. Those of you who know me can chime in. I need some honest criticism to what I do wrong in life when it comes to relating to people. Those of you who know me here think I am not very shy probably. Those of you who have met me in real life know that I am very shy and awkward when it comes to talking/dealing with someone one-on-one.

For the longest time all I wanted was to stay away from people...be a hermit.
Then I got lonely.
Then all I wanted was to fall in love with someone.
Then I met someone...and love turned out to be a lie.
Then I wanted to not be around anyone again.
Then I got lonely again.
So I decided to just do the friends only thing...but I got a crush on one of my friends...so when I tell her my feelings, because I believed in complete honesty and communication, she gave me the "just-friends-don't-want-to-hurt-you" speech.
Ok...so...women only like me as a friend? That is what I will look for then...
I discover the wonderful world of chat and AdultFriendFinder...I meet someone here and become chat friends with her. I tell her from the beginning that we can only be friends, partly because of a long distance between us and I didnt think we would ever meet in person. And I was still all about honesty.
We were chat friends for months...things were great, but I wanted to meet someone locally to hang out with.
Then I meet someone here...we go out a few times, have a lot of fun. I tell her that I am only wanting to be friends, because it seems that I am only destined for that...thought I would beat her to the punch. And my heart was not ready for anything else.
So my chat friend gets jealous, and mad. Apparantly she wanted to be more than just friends, did not get the message that I told her from the beginning. So our relationship becomes very rocky.
Then the woman I met here locally decides that just friends is not enough either and completely deserts me...finally writing an email a week after no contact telling me this, when I am feeling abandoned for no reason.
And apparantly my chat friend is mad again because I am unable to contact her due to housesitting constraints...something that I have made clear to her in the past...
So gentle souls....what am I doing wrong in life? When I want love, I get used. When I want affection, I get distance. When I want friendship, I get someone that wants love. What social skills course did I miss here that I cannot seem to relate to people, to bond with them, to empathize with them and be comfortable...to want what they want?
I guess that is why I work with animals...I can relate to them better than people...maybe its time to do the hermit thing again....
Looking for honest advice here from friends and strangers and ex-whatevers. Dont worry about offending me or hurting my feelings...cant feel worse than I already do at this point.
Thanx guys...sk.

actually if I had to mention any backmusic for this I would pick:
"I Want to Know What Love Is"---Foreigner

demonicsexkitten 41F
10671 posts
9/25/2005 10:06 am

Odd question... the friend you met in real, whom you told "i'm only wanting friendship"... were you interested in her for more? Maybe you should just be friends (without stating so) until and unless something more comes of it. Expect only friendship, but let things happen as they will.

I know i have a friend (real life) that is in love with me, and has been for years. It's difficult at times.. even though we've had "The Talk" and he knows i don't feel the same... every so often, he presses at the bounds... and then we need "The Talk" again. other friends have commented i should be merciful, and let him go. But he says he knows and is OK with being just friends. And his words: "What choice do you have? Either you can either take what you can get (ie: friendship) or, if you can't handle it ... you walk away." I did think a few times of ending the friendship for his sake, but he convinces me not to. So for purely selfish reasons i stay friends with him, but limit the contact so as not to encourage him too much.

shyknight2005 42M
163 posts
9/25/2005 12:12 pm

That is what I a going through with my friend that I had a crush on...long before AdultFriendFinder. We still talk alot on the phone, which has caused a little difficulty in later friendships...and I do have a little spark in the back of my heart that makes it difficult to talk to her whenever she is in the middle of yet another breakup. Which seems to happen alot with her. Seems she just doesnt realize that the guy who is perfect for her is right here lol...so I remain friends with her, because I could always use a friend, and its better than no contact with her at all.

demonicsexkitten 41F
10671 posts
11/3/2013 7:09 pm

I know you don't read your blog anymore. But... damn I wish so ... so so very much that you loved me as much as half the women you talked about in your blog lol. But of course... I am the one that stayed. Thus no attraction of unrequited love, or lost love. I was trying to decide if to copy your blogs and my responses while copying my blog... because you have been so very important in my life. How nice these early days were when we were merely flirting, and neither living together nor in love. I wish these past 8 years of love were as true on your part as it was on mine, and that you were honest when you weren't.

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