|Blogs > shyknight2005 > Dragons and roses|
The rest of the story....so far ;)
The rest of the story....so far ;)
Backmusic: "Night Ride Across the Caucuses"-- Loreena McKennitt
Ok...so....I met HER...
(or, as I affectonately call her these days...THE BITCH)
We met through a mutual friend. The 3 of us used to go barhopping on weekends, 3 musketeer style.
One day I asked her out, just the two of us. We went out on Memorial Day weekend, 2000. After going to a movie, we went for a drive up into the forest up the highway to a rest stop...very pretty up there, with lots of trees and stars. Nothing happened beyond talking and listening to the radio for hours. On our way back we got stopped a few cars back from a wreck on the highway. After several minutes of sitting in traffic she got out and went around the curve to see what was going on. She came back a few minutes later crying. Turned out it was her ex-bf and a couple of her friends that got in the wreck, and we had just been 10 minutes after them.
He went to the hospital and I offered to drive her there so she could be with him (she had 2 kids by him that lived with him). Even though I didnt know her very well, I stayed at the hospital all day with her. We called that the Date from Hell afterwards lol.
I think that because we went through something so traumatic, we kind of bonded that night. We were both looking to move out of our homes, so it made sense to become roommates. We got a trailer out in the back of a pasture, cheap. The first night we moved in was the night I lost my virginity. I was 26.
We hadnt planned on becoming lovers...just happened.
Things were great for a few months...At that time I wanted nothing more than to fall in love with someone, because I was very lonely. And she was there, and seemed to return the feelings. We went to alot of concerts that summer, and I discovered the joy of lying in bed as a woman falls asleep in your arms, just feeling her and listening to her breathe.....incredible.
That fall things changed. She started taking off for a night or two at a time...hanging out with friends, she said, but didnt want me to meet them. When she was home, she was up all night, and wouldnt fall asleep in my arms anymore. Then she started getting sick and tired all the time. Then would go for a week. One time she was gone for 2 weeks, and I had no idea where she was. I rang up a huge phone bill calling her every 10 minutes trying to find out what happened. I quit eating and lost 20 lbs. She wouldnt talk to me when she was home, just lay on the couch during the day and stayed up all night cleaning or writing rambling letters. She couldnt keep a job and I was paying for rent and food. Barely making it.
She told me she had fibromyalgia, which I accepted since I didnt know anything about it. I was miserable because I couldnt make the woman I loved happy, couldnt help her. I felt like a failure. We started arguing alot.
Memorial Day 2001, one year after the Date from Hell, she came back home after being gone for several days...with another man. She said that she had been to the hot springs with him...someplace I had always wanted to take her and she always had refused.
I packed up my stuff and left that day.
I was miserably depressed. If I couldnt make the woman I loved happy, then I was a failure in life.
There is a certain pier on Lake Tahoe that goes out a couple hundred yards into the water. I very nearly walked off the end of that pier with a heavy backpack on my back. I still dont know why I didnt to this day.
After being depressed for several months, my friend, the one that introduced us, finally told me the truth. My gf was a meth addict, had been on drugs the whole time we were together, right under my nose. I was so naive to drugs that I had no idea. She had told me that she was a user 10 years before but was clean. She lied to me for the whole year we were together, used me to provide a roof over her head to come off her highs under, and probably took some of the rent money to pay for her drugs. Since then I have become very knowlegable about the drug and its affects and everything made sense. Depression became anger.
Ok...end result: 4 years later I still have trust issues. Memorial Day weekend sucks. Lake Tahoe is my spiritual get-away. I have nothing to do with tweakers or any other drugs (bud doesnt count )
So that is why I am so effed up in the heart...any women out there interested? lol
Sorry so damn long...AdultFriendFinder probably wont accept this novel anyways lol
8/15/2005 6:43 pm
Hey sweeite, I am so sorry to hear about that......and it obviously affected you. I might just start another blog telling of some of my life......what little I can remember. LOL but hugs sweetie and I understand just why and how the trust issuses came about now.........hope you can start recovering from the urt se caused yo because i don't think you deserve to live your life like that.I have no clue if I am making sense SK ......but well *G* I am here hugs sweet man.|
8/16/2005 9:43 pm