Is It Just Me?  

shychurchmouse 49F
418 posts
11/26/2005 10:19 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Is It Just Me?


I recently had the misfortune of dealing with an abusive husband. Not mine, found the cure for that a long time ago. My best friend has been in an abusive relationship for years. I tried to save her from a beating last weekend only to get the brunt of the beating myself.

As he was kicking me, I was like wtf; I am not your wife. Not that hitting your wife is any better. I just could not believe he would ever have the guts to hit another woman besides his wife.

Now I know that wife abuser are low lifes and it is an illness, but what if your not his wife?

The next day he came over to apologize and I was yelling and screaming how could you do such a thing and on and on. To which he replied "what I never hit you". Which I guess is technically true. He only bent my arm back and kicked me repeatedly.

Now what kind of defense or explanation is that?
Would that stand up in a court of law? I never hit her honest.

I ended up not pressing charges as I didn't want to deal with the mess and I have very little faith in the justice system. Now I can not help but wonder, what will stop him next time?

SlimGoodGuy 38M

11/26/2005 10:54 pm

Legal action is still probably your best bet even though you don't have faith in the system. Would he consider some kind of counseling instead?


shychurchmouse 49F
239 posts
11/27/2005 2:05 am

Him counseling no way. Wish he would. Either that or my friend. I fear for her the most. Thanks for reading and thanks for posting.


smackyman 46M
3845 posts
11/27/2005 7:08 pm

Are we going to have to get you a Tazer or something for Christmas? Good lord - the things you get into...*grin* In all seriousness though - pressing charges would have been my first suggestion to you. Now he knows he can get away with hitting his wife AND other women. Next time in all likelihood will be worse. I fear for your friend as well as you. Regardless of how much potential he may have ('but he can be so nice sometimes') or it only happens infrequently, ('he only knocked me out the one time')it is never ok. And he will NEVER change. I can imagine that you have already tried to help (as your sore arm can attest to) but your friend has to run for the hills and get rid of him. No 'if's, 'ands' or 'buts'. There is no way to really open her eyes to what he is doing and how bad he is for her. All you can do is be there for her. (just like you are doing - being a good friend) Maybe you'd prefer a baseball bat instead of a tazer?? How is your swing these days?


shychurchmouse 49F
239 posts
11/28/2005 12:12 am

Smacky my arm only hurts when I do this. Imagine the baseball bat might be out of the question. Might need to hire a big bad bodyguard. Wonder if they work on a sliding scale?


wifewantsmen 53M/53F

11/28/2005 9:15 pm

I would agree with smackyman about pressing charges. It is really not too late. If you don't want to that then just a report to have it on record in case something else happens which it will. These guys do not change and the violence increases intensity and vicousness. Your friend is in danger and so are you. Limit any contact with the man and always have another adult around (not your friend, she does not count) to help protect your. Thes men thrive on the secrecy and making the women feel like they deserve what happened. Another note, twisting arm and kicking is assault, state the facts of what happen, and he can say he didn't hit. But he is not denying the other actions. guilty by omission. I personaly do not have this expericene, but I have worked in fields where this behaviors exists. Protect yourself, learn some defensive moves to take him down the next time he tries anything phsycially like that again. Beleive me, if it was me, he would have been on the floor nursing his balls, and a broken arm.


shychurchmouse 49F
239 posts
11/29/2005 6:11 am

wifewantsmen I did report it to the police. I just didn't press charges against him. I was driving his car while he was assualting me or I would of did a better job of defending myself. As soon as the car stopped he ran. I will never be alone with that man again.


wifewantsmen 53M/53F

12/3/2005 1:12 pm

That definitely makes it hard to defend yourself. It is a wonder that you did not have an accident. Hope you are doing better.


rm_b4thunder04 50M
1 post
12/4/2005 11:11 am

Hi church Hope you are ok and this guy need to get help and if he doesn't then it is only going to get worse. You or your friend are not at fought for his boyish behavior. A true man would have walk away and came back to talk when he had come down. You should at least put a restraining order agianst him. But if you ever need anyhelp I am just a phone call away and don't mind helping with his wall to wall part of his counseling.


shychurchmouse 49F
239 posts
12/5/2005 8:38 am

b4thunder04 Thanks, will never allow him to bother me again. Very nice profile by the way. Thanks for reading thanks for posting.


smackyman 46M
3845 posts
12/8/2005 9:20 pm

If there is a next time (heaven forbid) put that car into a tree - especially if you have the airbag and he doesn't! *grin*
Glad to hear you reported it all - and you just know that chances are I'd guard your body for free! - even though I still think that you are just a floating head!


shychurchmouse 49F
239 posts
12/8/2005 11:22 pm

smacky well might need guarded come on down. Will see if I can fix that


rm_Kid20004 53M

12/21/2005 2:11 pm

Hey Mouse,

You know my views on that one...
You should have talked to me, thats what friends are for.

You still have my number, just give me a call some time...

I'm still your friend, and I still care...

Kid


shychurchmouse 49F
239 posts
12/22/2005 7:17 pm

Kid
Thanks for the lovely pictures from you trip. I haven't check email in forever too many junk emails. I did reply to your recent question though. Thanks for reading and posting. There might be one other blog you want to take a look at of mine.


rm_Kid20004 53M

12/23/2005 4:52 pm

Hey Sweet Mouse,

I've seen the blogs, check your "E's"... some of that may not be junk... ( Hint )!

Thanks for being a friend when I needed one the most, you are a special person to me... And Nobody Hits The Mouse... OK!!!

Kid, Watching your six... and may be loading mine!


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