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Words of Wisdom
Words of Wisdom
A Light hearted way to end the week
“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
“Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?
There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
“The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
“Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.. But I repeat myself."
Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
--Unknown, presumed deceased
"Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer."
- W. C. Fields
On that note am off to the pub for a beer!!!!