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Shadow of My Darkness
Shadow of My Darkness
Deal with it.
Become one with it.
Revel in it.
Post on it.
I feel a darkness sometimes. Something that wants to come out and do bad things, mostly to bad people. I keep that hidden. Mostley. I can't keep it hidden all the time. Even to good people I'm sarcastic. I have an ironic sense of humor. My next thought that I wish to babble is that I hate stupid people. I've heard or read somewhere that a person has a tendency to hate most in other people what they don't like about themselves. Does that mean I think I'm stupid? Yeah, it probably does. Tough. I'll get over it. But the thought is ironic, hence the jump in thought. Not much of a jump now is it? Take a moment to go back and re-read the above few sentences if I lost you. Don't worry, I'll wait...Ok?...shall we continue?
You might not know it from the comments that I'm going to be posting here, but I'm a pretty happy guy. Married. Not looking. Have friends. Have a sex life (with the wife). Have hobbies. Sounds like a normal life.
You might not know it from the comments that I'm going to be posting here, but I'm a pretty sad guy. Job's going nowhere fast. I've made bad choices that I can't change, nor make better. I've hurt people. I've been hurt by people. I've made bad choices that I don't regret. Hmm, that one sounds odd. Oh well, take it or leave it, it's true. I could go on, but by now you get the drift.
I'm NORMAL. I hate that too. Don't you?
I blend in amongst the crowd, hiding from my peers. Hoping to stand out and be loved, by all the people around me that I hate. The shadow of my darkness creeps out, and I smile sarcastically. Feeling the pettiness of my wants seep away. I'm above that now. I'm better than that. I'm better than you; than all of you in this crowd...that I hide in.
The shadow of my darkness protects me and holds me safe while my pain and confusion fill the void that the shadow came from. The pain and confusion become a part of me. Deep inside. My shadow helps make them a part of me. Reminds me that it wouldn't exist without the confusion I've endured. It couldn't protect me without the pain I've learned to withstand.
I'm better now. Nothing can hurt me. I don't have a reason to feel anything anymore. I'm above it all. No reason to hide. No reason to be here among these petty creatures that I'm better than, anyway.
I miss the feelings. I miss the wants. The satisfaction. I even miss the pain. It helps me determine right from wrong. I'm disconnected.
Struggle. Pull back. NO! Won't go back. Too bad. It's just a shadow. It will go back anyway. Because I want it to. I want. That's a feeling. See, it works already. The shadow of my darkness is pulling back inside me. No longer around me. Replaced by the pain, the confusion; But that's okay. That's human. It's good to feel human again. I'm not the only one in pain. Not the only one confused.
I can reach out. But is it safe? Is it ever safe? I don't reach out. Am I protecting myself? Or am I protecting those that I would reach toward? I must learn more about my shadow, about my darkness. It won't hurt me, but I don't want it to hurt others.
(With a sarcastic little smile, one last passing thought.)
The shadow of my darkness is safely inside once more; but it is still there, it is always there.
Story Time End
Comment for me, and I may comment for you.
3/17/2006 6:14 pm
Are you the male version of me? I think maybe so. Now comment for me, baby.|