The Daily Asshat - Weekend Edition - vol.2  

sfvppl818 50M/50F
486 posts
4/28/2006 7:25 pm

Last Read:
5/5/2006 1:29 am

The Daily Asshat - Weekend Edition - vol.2

The Daily Asshat ... brought to you by the people of Simply Asshat PM, the daily dose of ignorance that keeps you blind and vacant to life's little problems.

WORLD NEWS
Medicare Prescription-Drug Program to Cost Far More Than First Projected
Additional money goes to guarding border with Canada.
Berlin: Postcard Mailed to Hitler 60 Years Ago, Finally Arrives
It was from a friend in Brazil, who wrote, “Wish you were here.”

U.S. NEWS
Citigroup to Cut 1,000 Jobs
Will preserve core positions putting customers on hold, selling them services they don't want.
Astronomers: Some Planets In Our Galaxy Could Be Covered With Diamonds
Enough to make everyone on Earth “fabulously wealthy.”

BUSINESS
Vermont Teddy Bear Co. Will Withdraw Straitjacketed “Crazy For You” Bear
Also will recall shackled “Detained For You” Bear, leashed “Tortured For You” Bear, and beheaded “Lost My Head For You” Bear.

HEALTH / MEDICINE
New Biometric Device Can Verify Age
Hailed as potential life-saving tool for online singles.

TECHNOLOGY
Tokyo: This Could Be “Hottest Year Ever”
But “nothing like next year,” and “don't even ask” about year after that.

EDUCATION
Loopholes in “No Child Left Behind” Abandons Four Million
Children

GOP reacts quickly; renames Act to "No More Than A Little More Than Three Million Children Left Behind."

TOTALLY FUCKED
University of California to Put Barcodes on Cadavers
Should reduce time spent at checkout counter.

SPORTS
Major League Baseball Adjusts Jose Canseco's Statistics
Admitted steroid user's 462 home runs will be converted to long fly balls caught at the warning track.


Become a member to create a blog